So many guys have come to me with this question. It happens to me a lot and I have learned the causes and the solutions, so it’s time to share with you!

Part 1 – Why does she say it?

There are several behaviours that guys develop when they are trying to get better with women that tend to confuse a woman’s gaydar. The first thing that happens is the development of large arm movements ala Jack from “Will and Grace”

The second behaviour is caused by nervousness or a desire to get all of your information out there.  You speak too quickly.  This raises the pitch of your voice.

A high pitched voice and large arm movements = gay.

This is how most women’s gaydar operates.  You think you are being more open and she interprets your sexuality.  You can even tell a girl that you are straight and she will be confused or disbelieve you.

There are other reasons a girl will think you are gay – you are well dressed, articulate, clean and capable of talking comfortably to women.  All of these are the reasons she will tell you if you ask why she thinks you are gay.  But none of these are things you want to change!

Part 2 – Why does it mean?

Think about it for a moment.  At what point do you ask someone their sexual orientation.  If you were talking to a really ugly girl, would you ask?  What about a beauiful woman?

You are much more likely to care if a woman is gay if she is attractive.

A woman will ask you if you are gay at the moment she becomes attracted to you or at the moment she starts to feel a sexual tension.  If she thinks you are gay, then this feeling is incongruent.  It just doesn’t fit.  She is asking herself, “why am I attracted to a gay man?”

Think about the stereotype of a gay man.  Like Jack in the video, he can be flamboyant and loud, but the more common stereotype is that gay men are well dressed, articulate, cultured, intelligent, successful financially and very comfortable talking to women without needing anything from them.

Part 3 – It’s a Positive Sign

How many times have you heard women say, “All the best men are gay or taken!”  Every woman wants a gay best friend.  They always fall in love with these men.  A gay man in your life is the new Prada handbag.

Many guys think that it is the worst thing a woman can say.  It’s not.  I used to fall into this trap.  Thinking I had done something weird or wrong to mis-convey my sexuality.  In actuality it’s one of the best things a woman can say to you.  Many women who ask if I’m gay sleep with me.  The asking is not bad!

If a woman asks if you’re gay it is a sign of attraction.

If you interpret her question as a sign of attraction, you will react more positively.  Don’t freak out.

Part 4 – How Should You React?

You should simply say “No, I’m not gay” and cut the thread.  Do not continue the conversation or get upset in any way.  Simply react with surprise and then move on.

There are tons of jokey lines out there that people recommend.  Don’t waste your time on them.  I tried them all and the best thing you can do is not-react.

You might have been hoping for some magic answer and that is actually what this is.  It simply works.  You can even throw in a sly smile as you realize she is attracted to you.  It is even better if she asks later in the conversation. It means she is responding more to your smoothness and less to an initial impression.

If she says it in the first five minutes then you can fix it with the next step.

Part 5 – How to fix it?

When you are talking, consciously slow down your rate of speech.  Slowing it down actually deepens your voice.

You should also slow down your arm movements.  It is ok to move your arms to express a point, just slow down the arm movements along with the way you speak.

These two tiny tweaks will make you seem more sensual and will actually make you more attractive to women.

(A simple solution to a simple problem)

Finally, you can put pauses into your speach as well.  I really like…..the way…..you talk….