I have been working my way through two projects this month and both are really affecting me. I am doing psycho-cybernetics and I’m watching the Blueprint. They are really helping me to transform myself internally. Things are a little Rocky with the Mouse. Even though I dodged her attempts at a breakup kinda thing, she has gone flakey on me. I am learning and realizing that I am still not the man I want to be. I need to feel actualize myself before I start girlfriend hunting. Aslo trying to fill the position of girlfriend is a form of neediness. I have a lot more growth I want to accomplish. My experience with her was amazing but already my feelings are starting to dwindle. I think it’s more a lack of seeing her than anything else. My life is so filled with attractive women that I need to be in a girl’s presence frequently for my attraction switch to stay turned on. In my heart she is slipping into stasis. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It simply is what I’m going through. I need to tighten up my inner game to the next level and become the man I fully want to be without thinking a girlfriend can fill a gap in me.
Sometimes I have this thought – If i’m such a master pickup artist, how come I can’t keep/get a girlfriend? Really the skills I’ve spent the last year honing have been about attraction and seduction. Not about finding a relationship. That is the next challenge and I’ve just started dealing with it. The truth is that there is nothing I did wrong with the Mouse, she just isn’t in a relationship place right now. Some people might say that my value isn’t high enough etc. But I really don’t feel that when I analyze my situation objectively. Either way I’m back in a place where I want to draw new girls into my life again. The only problem is that the Mouse reset my standards. Now a girl has to be as cool and badass as her to draw me in. Most girls I meet are annoying. I had no idea I would ever get to this place, but I disqualify girls so fast these days. I met a beautiful Korean girl Sunday night and she has already annoyed the hell out of me. She is texting me every day but I just can’t be bothered to try and build comfort and get a date off of her. I just have no interest in someone that is boring.
There is also a part of me that thinks I should pursue the Mouse. I mean I’m away this weekend and she’s away next weekend. I might not see her for two weeks or something. Now when I mention meeting up, she is always talking about schoolwork. That is a sign of my value dropping. I am just not sure what path to take. I have all these amazing things coming up in my life. I’m snowboarding in Austria with FreedomOfSpeech on Friday and we are staying with some really beautiful girls there including an F1 model I met in the Fall. I am going to see my favorite DJ in the world with him next Friday. I am going to my first Torture Garden on Valentine’s day with LondonPlayboy. I am going to Cancun next month with a ton of my pickup heroes and friends.
But really my sense of self shouldn’t come from outside. I need to have core value. To be one with myself. To realize that I am awesome. I am really close to this epiphane. I love my own company. I haven’t spoken to a single person all day and I haven’t been bored for a single moment. I am in the middle of my journey, but it is far from over. Girls are only a small part of it. I am setting up my goals for the year and so far things are looking really good. I am me and I need to accept that. Be one with it.
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