I have been thinking a LOT on this topic lately as I have started hanging out with some girls a lot more than I normally do. It’s really difficult for me to be friends with girls because inevitable we sleep together. I’m going to write a more detailed article about whether men and women can actually be friends for my tsbmag series. For today I want to just share what’s been going on.

Friday morning I woke up in bed with my friend’s roomate for the 3rd time in a row. This time she was finally completely naked, but other than a little light fingering nothing really happened. I am pretty sure that we didn’t even kiss. So how did I get here…..

Thursday the roomate texts me to say that it’s the Giraffe’s birthday that night and I have to come. Her birthday isn’t for another week, so I was caught by surprise. I thought of a cool present and just planned on dropping it off as I am tired of missing the gym on Friday because of them. I got there and it was 3 girls and 3 boys. I was central to their plans and couldn’t really slip away. I ended up downtown and hammered with the girls and eventually it was just me and the 2 of them. I was really grinding on the Giraffe in this honky tonk and just having a nice ole time.

We left and it was clear she was about to pass out. Her roommate was like let’s get a 12pack and party just the two of us after she crashes. Now I’m into that. I have a strong enough sense of self that I can be friends with this girl and not creep on her 24/7. In fact I didn’t make any moves in the bar at all. So the gas station won’t sell her beer because she’s so hammered and they won’t sell to me either after her demonstration.

So we end up back at hers and it’s all good…. Until she realizes that her cell phone is missing. Now this is a level 10 state break. There are a couple of terrible things that can pretty much destroy your chances of anything happening with a girl. 1. Lost Friend 2. Lost Keys 3. Lost Cell Phone

I know this and it’s practically tattooed on my brain. But I’m in a limbo place because I am kind of friends with this girl. The giraffe is my homey and she clearly needs to pass out so I tell her that I will handle this so she can just crash out. We grab a taxi and check the bar and the gas station to no avail. It appears that she left her phone in a random taxi. With no password. And a ton of “private” photos on it.

So she is really distressed and actually crying a bit. I mean she is going to have to drop some serious dosh to cover this issue. And I think she is going to have to cancel a trip she was planning. So she is in a very unhappy mood by the time we are in bed. I use my magical massage powers to get her completely nude, but there is no kissing and she’s still crying.

I help her deactivate her phone so that at least it can’t be used if it’s snatched, but it’s still expensive and got those photos. I try to remain the rock in this situation. But I hate being in the limbo between friends and more than friends or whatever. I know what to do if I’m in one position or the other, but in between sucks.

She makes me promise to take her to the phone store the moment it opens in the morning at 9am. So now I’m locked in. Crap.

We fool around a little but she doesn’t let me get past 2nd base and eventually I just fall asleep. She is actually a really good cuddler. But I find it hard to sleep as the big spoon. I know and I don’t care. It’s just what I like. I’m a little spoon kinda guy.

So I pass out.

I wake up and give it a 2nd go at like 6am or something. I get her halfway warmed up before she slams the breaks again.

This is where I hit my dilemma. I was sober enough to drive home and I could sleep in my bed and make it to my favorite gym day of the week. That’s 100% what I would do if this girl was just a girl I was creeping on or whatever. But if she’s my friend I have to stay to take her in the morning to sort out her phone situation.

So I stick around because I promised and I don’t wanna be a promise breaker. So we get up and in the end she drives and the Giraffe comes with us. And I’m not sure why I’m even there. The guy at the phone store is kinda handsome but dumb as a rock and she flirts with him super hard in front of me. I’m not really sure if that’s appropriate or not, I just wanna get home to recover. Then they make me go to breakfast with them and it’s ok I guess but she is getting more and more angry about stuff and kind of acting like an asshole to be honest.

In the car on the way home she demands that I tell her the fastest way to her place and no scenic route. Then halfway home when I suggest a different turn she tells me to shut up. It’s a nice mixed message. I just want out of there. As soon as we get to her place she heads over to her neighbor’s house. Now I know that he’s one of the 8 guys in her current rotation. So I’m outa there.

The truth is most of the night I was analyzing and trying to determine the best course of action. I don’t have an emotional investment in this girl, so I am able to maintain my objectivity, but just barely.

I think if I’d slipped out I woulda come off as more of an asshole, which probably would have increased her attraction for me, but could have upset my friend the Giraffe. Oftentimes, girls can’t separate kindness from weakness. Her actions toward me became more and more negative because she thought I was helping her because I’m attracted to her. When really I was helping the Giraffe. Girl’s don’t seem to be able to separate those two things very effectively.

Originally me and this girl did not get along, so I got plenty of solo time with the Giraffe. But now every time I hang out with the Giraffe her roommate is there. And it’s not something I mind, but it adds a layer of complexity to this social situation. The best action at this point is to break rapport. But now I have to break rapport with both of them. Basically I can’t text/hang out with the Giraffe for about a week. Ironically, I’m heading to Florida for 10 days next week. So it will be about 3 weeks of breaking rapport. C’est la vie.

So I have been going through all of my old posts and cleaning house for the past 24 hours.  Not removing posts or anything but fixing up the internal linking so that related posts are properly connected and cleaning up all the photos.  Mostly I have been removing pics that I had on posts 3-4 years ago that just had hot chicks.  I don’t need those to get readers.  I have been uploading tons of real pictures of me from over the years, because why not?

So in this post where I talk about my life and this guy warning me off of a specific girl.

Now first of all I am still really good friends with the dude who was warning me.  He just thought his friend was too alpha for me.  I was just talking to him a few days ago and man he’s a great guy.

But more exciting.  The girl from that story just had a baby a few months ago.  Now she is rocking out as a single mom at 20 with pretty much no prospects and she is so happy.  She is constantly posting pictures on facebook of her baby and putting up more updates than any other chick with a baby that I know.  I guess it’s because there is no dude around to talk about the baby with.

All I feel is that I totally dodged a bullet.  Nothing about that lifestyle appeals to me.  I want to wait to have kids until I’m ready and can really have them as a part of my life.  It’s hard to believe I was digging on this girl just two years ago.   I have grown so much I guess.

What is Social Proof?

Social proof is based on how our minds work.  If we see a group of people we look for similarities.  Our brains are always looking for short cuts.  If you see a guy standing with 20 scientists in lab coats, you will assume he is a scientist.

We really hone this way of thinking in high school, where we really began to lump people into groups.  Depending on when you went to high school you probably had jocks, nerds, cheerleaders, theater kids, goth kids – maybe now you have emo kids or punks.  If you dress like you fit with a group, people outside that group will think you are a part of it.  They judge you based on your associations.

How Can You Use Social Proof?

It’s all about perception.  It’s not about reality.  The first change you should make, especially if you are a beginner at learning to meet women, is that when you get rejected you should walk away with your head held high.  Most guys walk away like a dog that’s just been hit with a newspaper.  Tail between it’s legs.  So the whole room can see how dejected they feel.  This sends the wrong social message to everyone who’s looking.

Nobody actually knows what he said to her and what she said to him.  They are just filling in the gaps based on body language.  So if you walk away like the conversation went really well and you have a big smile on your face, you can absorb some of her social status in the minds of the masses.  People will assume it went well based on your body language.  Let them.

Another great way to build social proof is to just talk to everyone in the bar or club like you have known them for ages.  Then when you start talking to the girls you are interested in, they will think you already know everyone.  If you seem like the popular guy, she will treat you like the popular guy.

I like to show up at a club with several girls, so that I look like I already have some good action going on.  Most girls only care if you are with girls, not how beautiful they are.  You can actually climb a social proof ladder in a single night.  If you are doing really well with a 3, it’s easy to turn and start talking to a 4.  In just 7 conversations you can have serious attraction with a 10.  She just saw you talking to a 9, which means you are in the same league.

Online Game

I’m not as obsessed with social proofing my facebook page or my myspace as I used to be.  I have tons of pics of me with hot girls all over the place and it certainly impresses other guys.  But I just don’t like to use facebook as a segway into real dating.  If I met a girl on the streets I get her phone number not her facebook.  It is coming up more right now because I’m in Hawaii and half of the sets are girls on vacation.

I can tell you that it’s a great way to make guys respect you more.  Let’s be honest.  The picture at the top of this post looks badass and it makes me look badass.  What’s cooler than having a smoking hot chick advertising how awesome you are?

Remember Social Proof is about perception – not reality.  What was your first thought when you saw that picture?  Did you think it’s my girlfriend? Is it just a girl I met on facebook?  A girl I slept with once?  My cousin? A model I paid to take the picture?

Think about your first reaction to that image.  Unless you are a total dick, you had a positive reaction.  You probably thought damn, that is badass, I’m gonna read this post.  So if social proof can work on you, then it will work on the girls you like.

You can create a powerful online image by posting tons of pictures of you looking awesome and with girls you only talked to for 5 minutes in the club.  There is nothing wrong with that.  You can also email a ton of girls you don’t know and ask them to write sexy posts on your facebook wall to make you look cool.  Tell them you are trying to make your ex jealous.  A few girls will write you lame emails about girl power and a bunch will think it’s funny and write cool stuff on your wall.

Bend Reality

I’m going to be teaching a lot of super advanced material on my new training course which I will be launching shortly, but I want to give you a taste of what is possible.  You can create social proof even when there is no one around.  It’s about acting like the person you want to be.

When I tell stories to a girl, I tell them from the perspective I want her to see.  I was with a girl on Saturday, skinny dipping in the pool, and I wanted her to feel massive attraction towards me and to see me as a sexual being.  I may write a field report and go into a ton of detail, I haven’t decided yet.  But the key element is that I acted like a person with sex in their life.  I don’t shy away from mentioning that I have women in my life.  I just act like it’s reality.  And she reacts to it.

I will expand a lot more on how to bend reality later, as it’s the future of game in my opinion and will skyrocket anyone to the next level.

Saturday I finished my dissertation while October slept. I actually slept really good on his couch. Go figure. I mean I honestly had a pretty good time last night and some of that stuff was really funny. Obviously I would have preferred to get my dick wet, but I am all about enjoying the journey.

We spend the day lying on the couch watching comedy central. I forgot what its like to have cable. It was so nice to just do nothing. I am texting this girl back and forth and deciding about coming back to London to see her. In the end I am seeing her Sunday night so I get one more night in Cambridge.

We drink these homemade concoctions of October’s. I rate the guy in a lot of ways but if he offers you a drink, you should say no. I swear I thought he’d poisoned me. On the walk to the clubs I realize I have 13 different kinds of alcohol in my stomach. It was roiling. How often do I get to use that word? October didn’t believe me that it was a real word.

We get to the bar and the lair dudes are there and there is actually one girl with them. She seemed nice enough. Didn’t really get to talk to her though. Stuff started happening hard and fast. This one dude tells us how there are 2 crazy chicks, one hot and one not so much there. Then the not cute one rolls up to talk to him. We start chatting I mean whatever I wanna get my jaw moving.

She was so huge it was unbelievable.  But we are yapping.  October is just leaning against the rail being silent and smooth.  Either that or the poison he drank with me is acting up in his stomach too.  Three cuties stand next to the big girl and she starts saying how she has the same top as one of them.  The girl probably weights 90 pounds.  And their outfits look nothing alike.  I see this as an easy way to upgrade my set.  So I keep saying what are you talking about and then she says something to the girl.  She turns back and tells me she is bored of me and October.  She is going to find more interesting people to talk to.

I jump at the three new girls.  I start talking to the cute, small one.  Tell her what the crazy big girl was on about.  She was freaked out at first when some fat girl started pointing at her.  We chill in this set for a bit and I find out the girl is a rugby player.  A wing.  Whatever that means.  All I know is I think it’s sexy as hell.  We chat to these girls for a while, but I think Oc drifts off.  They tell us to meet them at some club later.  They might have even invited us along, but we we are hoping to stay in this bar til closing.  Just keep it simple.

We go back inside and see a ton of cute ladies.  We decide to do our old trick and start throwing up shapes all over the bar.  Put out a little bait and the girls in this town open us like crazy.  Girls are taking pictures of each other.  October jumps into the back of one and then a few minutes later one of the girls wants a pic with us on either side.  She has the right idea.  We would never force a girl to choose between us.  We know how to share.

We bounce around the bar a bit.  Neither one of us can get a set open.  Again.  It’s so weird.  Fortunately girls keep opening us.  The bar runs out of girls.  They all seem to hit this bar and then go to clubs.  So we head off in search of another club.  The lair is going to one place.  We peel off.  Sometimes a 2man strike team is ideal.

We pass Vodka Revolution.  It’s full of girls.  We gotta pay a few coins to get in but fuck it.  We wanna have fun.  We get inside and I realize that none of the girls are that cute.  We end up outside having a smoke.  I try to open a few girls by sitting next to them, but we get zero love.  I can’t get more than a grunt out of girls here.  Two girls on the other side start pointing at Oc.  I engage them and find out they are talking about girl medical issues….I accelerate and get one sitting next to me.  She looks like a bird.  Chat chat chat.

They invite us to come dance with them.  We say we’ll be inside in a bit.  We bounce around and can’t get any sets opened.  Then these two girls come outside for a smoke.  I get Oc to ask them for a light.  No one is responding to me.  He almost gets them to come over and give us one.  We start talking to them.  Holy crap one of them is so beautiful.  He nickname is Kate Moss and I can see why.  The other girl tells me about her dragon tattoo right above her vagine.  Talk about a dream set.  One beautiful and one kinky.

We chat to them for a long time.  There is a third one that Oc is keeping busy.  It’s a true shame.  One extra.  I am chatting to these two for a while.  They are so cute.  We have some really good dialog and they invite us into dance.  We say we’ll be inside in a bit and develop a game plan.  It’s really smooth.  We both are worried that we will have a repeat of last night, as soon as we walk up the girls will walk away.  Or run away.

We go inside and drop some shapes near the edge of the dance floor.  Two girls are grinding on each other near us trying to get a ton of attention.  One even grabs my tie.  We don’t even bother reacting.  I just can’t be drawn into their game.  Plus the last two girls were so much cuter.  We just can’t find our girls on the dancefloor.  Finally we decide to go searching.

We find them near the back.  They are super cool and love our shapes.  We all get some drinks and chat etc.  It’s all really cool.  At one point the two cuties wanna go smoke and me and Oc are about to go with them.  The 3rd girl says something really amazing that made us stop in our tracks.  “I know I’m not as cute as my friends but please stay with me.”  She didn’t wanna stay watching the drinks all alone.

I really respect when people are real.  So we danced and chilled with her etc.  It was cool.  The other girls back and we keep on having a good time.  Somehow October and I really can’t tell what’s going on.  We keep on dancing and just having a cool time.  I facebook close the beautiful one.  Me and Oc go outside for a smoke and we end up next to a ton of people having a fight.  We have to wait ages to get outside.  Then a huge swarm of people are fighting in the street.

A girl comes over to talk to the two of us and stay away from the fight.  One of her friends is really cute.  So we are trying to get them all to join us.  The cops roll up and it’s a whole situation.  The club closes.  We manage to get back in to look for the girls.  We run into them at the top of the stairs and we all decide to hit another club.

October gets us into one where he used to work and the girls are super impressed.  It’s just a cool night.  More dancing etc.  More stuff happened but I’m tired of typing.  He got the dragon vagina girl’s number and then eventually they jump in a taxi.  I think we should have tried to get them to October’s house but we didn’t try enough maybe.  Hard to be sure.  There was just one extra girl and there were zero sexual vibes.

Hopefully we will connect with these girls again.  I’m hoping the beautiful girl comes down to London to party soon.  Either way it was really amazing.  I am definitely going to spend some more time in Cambridge.