I am not sure how much I’ve talked about the girl’s I’m dating, so I’ll start at the top.  I am currently seeing a German girl (kind of).  We have been on two dates with lots of kissing.  Logistics have kept us from sleeping together yet, although I have gotten laid 2 out of the 3 times I have seen her.  She might just be lucky?

I met her at Kensington Roof Gardens a month or so ago.  I was out with gsand.  This was the night of the midget and the dry sex.  I am sure you remember that one.  When I thought I had whiskey dick?  Anyways, she was one of the club photographers and when my mate asked to borrow her camera to take pics, she let him.  I thought this showed that she was super cool.  We chatted 30 mins and in true Paladin style, I got the magical digits.

We texted on and off and kept almost meeting for the next few days.  Originally, we had a date for the next night, but she was too tired from work and cancelled.  Sunday we texted back and forth and I ended up in an orgy of drugs and confusion with YumYum and Iceberg.  Tuesday night, I get a text asking if I’m near central.  Unfortunately, I was at home in only my underwear with Ghost playing new tracks we bought (I bought) for Rock Band on our Xbox 360.

So I tell her I can meet her in 30.  I rush into clothes and a hair do that works.  And I’m out the door, while that bastard Ghost is rocking out on my new badass songs.  I think I’m gonna be late, but I still beat her by five minutes.  Girls have some sixth sense for always being later than me.  I don’t know how they do that….  We meet up and she looks really cute.  Since I was hammered when we met, this is a pleasant surprise.

We bounce through 2 pubs and hit a jazz bar.  I’m all about multiple location dates.  The more bars the better!  She is actually badass.  We talk about all the messed up things I’ve done in my life.  I have no idea why.  But she asked like the right questions.  About my brand and about some of my scars etc.  We finally kiss on some dark street with nobody around.  My pulse was about 200.  She thought that it’s cute that a former gangster can get all nervous with her.

The I went with her to a club where she was working.  I basically had to spend an hour on my own while she snapped photos.  It was kinda boring so I got hammered.  Some really funny things happened to me in the bathroom.  Such is my life.  There is always some incident waiting to happen.   But that is a tale for another day.  Finally, she finished her work and we slipped outa there.  She had to get up early for work the next day, so I was unable to her her to my house.  Damn the fates!

We texted and had a date the next week, but she managed to end up in jail! (It really turned me on when she told me this…) so I had to wait 2 weeks for our 2nd date.  We did the same thing again.  A few bars and some kissing before she went to work.  This time I snuck off to meet up with my lesbian gang for an hour.  I am back shortly after midnight and she has already ditched work early to go home.  Which was strange because I watched Beyonce walk into the club right then.  Some idiot started yelling at one of her body guards.  I thought that was hilarious.  I could see which way that fight was gonna go…. international vip bodyguard v chav from east london.  Even his friends were hanging back.  The best part was how the guy said “innit” at least 20 times.  Ali G had it right.

So I text my German girl and find out she went home and thought I’d ditched her.  I was like you should have at least called babe.  So she felt double bad for leaving me and for missing Beyonce.  It was all a shenanigan.  So I headed back to the lesbian party where I got laid POW.  Who knew?

That was last night, so you are pretty caught up.  I still haven’t shagged her, so really it’s not too emotional yet.  Although she is turned on by my bad boy past and I think her jail time is sexy.  Plus she has an adventurous streak.  I wanna see more of…

A few weeks ago I started chatting to a new girl I met on facebook.  She liked my pic and I liked hers.  We chatted a bit and moved on to texting.  I got her to send me a few cute pics on my phone and we tried to arrange a date.  Logistics kept us apart and I went to Mexico.  She was going to come to London this Sunday to hit the markets near my house and of course I’m into that!  Then on Thursday she has a massive asthma attack and spends the day in hospital.  She is too weak to risk the hour drive from her small town to the city and there is work on the train lines, making the trip into the city almost 3 hours.

I had a choice.  I could let her cancel the date and not see her for two more weeks or I could do something I don’t normally do.  I am really trying to do things that I don’t normally do.  So I decided to jump on a train and a bus and visit her.  I was able to write a chapter for my new book on the journey

I get to the station and I jump in her car.  We decide to have a picnic in the park so we grab some food from a supermarket and go there.  We don’t have a blanket to lie on, just a jumper.  The park is pretty empty, but not nearly empty enough.  We have a conversation and end up talking a little bit about my work etc.

I pretty much end up telling every girl what I do.  I tell her about how I’m trying to be super duper honest.  She asks a good question.  How can she actually know I’m really honest.  I suggest she ask an innappropriate question.  I anwer honestly.  Hehe.  After a while I just feel like we’re not connecting.  I just feel a distance between us.

A part of me just wanted to go home.  But another part remembered that sometimes you just can’t tell if a girl likes you.  Some girls give nothing away.  I keep trying to escalate both verbally and physically but she is just shrugging me off.  She’s pretty ill and wheezing a bit.  She goes to the bathroom at one point and takes a her purse with her.  I partly thought she wouldn’t come back.

We decide to hit a pub for one drink even though she can’t drink because of her medicine and driving.  It is warmer in there and I’m really just mellow now.  She becomes super animated and really funny.  It’s strange but the heat seemed to release her personality.  It was hard to keep in mind that she was super sick.  After we finish our drinks I’m just so tired and hoping to meet a good mate for dinner in the city.

On the walk to her car I grab her and carry her a little.  She is taller than me and dense.  My spine nearly telescopes.  But she is letting me do it and we’re building up some touch.  She drives me to the station and is about to drop me off out front when I’m like no way.  Pull up a little I’m shy!  So then she pulls deep into the back parking lot.  Cool.  Suddenly there is that huge end of the date awkwardness filling the car.  I can barely breathe.  I try to lock laser eyes and she avoids.

Finally, I give up.  Like a coward.  I finally give up and offer her my cheek.  She is like what the hell are you doing?  I’m like not even a cheek kiss?  Suddenly, I man up.  I grab her by the back of her hair and pull her in.  She tries to push her cheek at me.  I say I don’t think so and spin her mouth to mine.  We make out for a bit and she escalates to tongues.  I like letting that happen so the girl has some responsibility for our escalation.  I almost make her take me back to hers but I don’t quite feel like it’s on.  Plus she is so ill and wheezy that I am afraid sex will kill her.

We have texted a few times since and I think I’ll see her next week.