So I have been seeing a Welsh girl for a few weeks.  Think I’ve mentioned her a few times.  She doesn’t kiss til the 3rd date.  After our 2nd date she stopped returning my texts.  It took me a full week to notice.  So I sent her a message asking if she’d stopped returning my texts.  I didn’t feel anything.

A few years ago I would have stressed over every single unreturned text.  Now I send out a couple hundred messages a week to girls and mates, so one can slip through the cracks.  It takes me a long time to notice if someone is actively trying to pull away.

No idea why it ended with her.  I wish I could say that I cared, but I’m already on to the next girl.  It’s kind of a shame how girls become so replaceable after a time.  If I leave my house I meet someone beautiful.  I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing.  I don’t pursue relationships like I used to.

We have all been there.  One minute everything was perfect, the next your life was shambles.  She's gone and you have no idea why.  Now you are missing work, sitting on the floor unwashed and listening to radiohead for days at a time. 

Now that you’ve broken through the self-pity phase, it is time to analyze what went wrong.  The first thing you should realize is that you were missing signs all along the way.  Most of us do it.  Small things happen and we just ignore them or rationalize them away.  She’s late all the time because of traffic or problems at work.  She isn’t in the mood as much anymore, but that happens in all relationships.  She seems distracted, it must be her time of the month.  And a million others.

Most relationships fail because of problems in the foundation.  I cover all the aspects of the foundation for a good relationship in my ebook and other articles so I won’t rehash that here, but it’s important to realize that it is much easier to start with a healthy relationship than to try and heal a broken one.  There are three elements that must remain in a relationship’s foundation.

1. Trust.  There is nothing more important than trust in a relationship.  Once you lose a small amount, the cracks start spreading.  First you wonder if she really was out with her friends last Friday.  Then you start to wonder if she was actually at  gangbang.  We all do it.  Take a small lack of trust and grow it into a mountain of accusation.  There is no cure for lack of trust.  Even if a person promises they aren’t lying….that promise might itself be a lie.  It’s just as bad if she can’t trust you.  A lot of guys like to cheat, but hate to be cheated on.  If you’re cheating in a relationship, then the relationship will always be flawed.  It’s only a matter of time.  You don’t have the relationship you wish you had and she isn’t in the relationship she thinks she is.  you are both disappointed.

2. Passion.  There are many layers to the concept of passion.  The first layer is that you must have a passion in your life.  As a man you need to provide the magnetism.  You can argue that the man working is an archaic concept, but this is something deeper.  You need to have something in your life that excites you enough to draw her in.  She wants to be a part of your passion.  I always show my articles and books to the woman in my life.  I want her to  be the first one to read and share in my excitement.  This translates into physical passion, which we all want more of.

3. Self-Confidenc.  Just as much as you need to trust your woman, you need to trust yourself.  A lot of guys are with women that they think are out of their league.  This leads them to sublty subcommunicate a constant stream of negative thoughts.  It will be hard to trust her, when you think she can do better.  You need to have a rock solid belief in yourself.  If you don’t, read some of my articles on Inner Game.  This is the battle we fight in our minds.  A woman needs a rock in her life.  You deserve her.  Believe it.

These are three core issues of a relationship.  There are other surface problems as well.  But if you look deeply enough, it is usually one of these pieces that was missing in your relationship.  Now you need to work on fixing yourself in these three areas.  You can’t look for a woman to fix what’s wrong with you.  That will only lead to more trouble.  Realize that you are an awesome guy and work towards constantly improving yourself.

I’ve become pretty disillusioned with lay reports lately.  I think after a certain point every guy in this scene does, or at least he should.  When you’re a beginner you write them to see analyze what went RIGHT for once.  When you’re intermediate you start writing them to see where you could improve.  At some point all the lay reports on my local forum have become about boasting.  I think this is super unhealthy.  I don’t sleep with a girl to impress strangers on the internet or to brag.  It’s about me and her sharing a special beautiful experience.  I started writing this blog with the thought that I would be the only one to ever read it.  That changed when I noticed I was getting hits that weren’t me here.

Either way here is my newest adventure.  I write it here and post it on no public forums.  It is about keeping a record of my journey and rememebering what I have learned along the path.  I do not write this seeking accolades or condemnation.  And I won’t post any pictures because I respect the girls privacy.  (actually yet again my efforts at sex pics were rebuffed!!!)

Allow me to begin my tale.

There is a dusky girl from Cyprus on my course at uni.  She has black hair and dark golden skin.  She is very pretty and mysterious.  I confidently got her number in class last week and tried to get her to leave with me in the middle of a lesson for a drink.  My plan was to make her miss her train back to Brighton, whoops!  Alas she already had plans with some other girl and so I reverted to text game.  I should look through my texts to see exactly what I did, but I mostly ran my normal game via text.  I was confident and I escalated, then I would pull back.  I have learned that getting too sexual with a girl over text, that you haven’t slept with, leads to trouble.  It will usually make her pull away.

Anyways I esclate texts telling her I wish she was over as I would cook her dinner.  I say that she doens’t need to go to the gym her body is already sexy.  Things along this line. Eventually I realize it’s on.  She tells me to come over on wednesday as she has no work on thursday morning.  This is a clear signal!

I get on a train wed and have a crap journey as someone has died on the tracks.  So all trains are hours late etc.  I finally see her at the train station and I grab her hand and start leading her.  I don’t even know where we are going but I am on a super alpha kick.  Trying to find the leadership wall.  Around the corner I throw her against a wall and shove my tongue in her mouth.  We start walking and she tells me that she’s not allowed to have guests in her house or even to drink there.  She lives with a gay religious couple.  And her gay cousin and his bf.  It sounds like the house that hates heteros and fun.  So she has taken the liberty of renting a room in a little hotel.  Five minutes later I’m inside of her. I don’t ask.  I just lead.  Assume.  Take.

We spend the night in heated passion.  We finally stop around twelve hours later when her legs, vagina and neck are all too sore to continue.  Along the way I learned a few things so I will continue my sordid tale.  She was texting me all day and sent me one text asking me to define love.  I refused and said it’s got nothing to do with us.  She replied by saying it’s two birds in a cage.  This almost freaked me out enough to get me off my train.  I mean I do not want a girl to cage me.  What a horrible metaphor.  After our first session in bed, she started a sentence by saying “if we break up…”  I had to throw her off me.

The old me would have fallen into the prison of her frame.  Of course two weeks later I would resent her so much for trapping me that I would dump her.  I used to promise anything to a girl in bed.  Then I would hate her for “tricking” me by asking then.  So I restated my position that Sheriff taught me.  I date multiple girls until I develop more feelings for one.  I don’t think true love can develop in a vacuum.  Etc.  She accepted my position.  I was very clear.  I know exaclty why I can’t have her as my gf as well.  She smokes and she is too chubby for me.  But Sheriff would love this girl.  She is just at the chubby end of skinny and soft skin.  And her face is insane.  Esp in the half light…

So we went to dinner.  Thai.  It was so good.  Reminded me of my Thai lover of a few years ago.  On the way back I tell her that I think I will take the train back.  I don’t want to spend the night in her arms.  I know I will wake up in the middle of the night trapped in a hotel room with nothing to do.  And that’s what happened.  But really I tell her I think she will develop love feelings for me.  Sleeping in the same bed = great rapport.  Hey I know I’m doing EXACTLY what the Mouse did to me a few weeks ago.  So yes I am learning.

She promises that she won’t fall in love and will accept my relationship frame.  She kept dropping little jokes tho along the way.  So I had to keep breaking rapport.  However, I think this will increase her feelings for me.  I should have done like 5.0 does and pushed her off me right after sex to separate her post-coital love chemical feelings from me as much as possible.  Oh well.  I tried some new sex stuff.  Yet again no pictures or anal, but I did try.  She said just one finger hurt.  Damn!  I was hyper dominant and spent the whole night moving her head and pulling her hair.  I used to think this kinda stuff was dispespectful.  But at one point she told me she loved it.  So keep pushing the envelope.  It turns out that the world isn’t flat after all.

So the mouse called me to break up tonight.  At first it’s funny to think of her breaking up with me when she wasn’t my bf, but really she’s just a straight shooter and called to explain her feelings.  Most girls wouldn’t have even called at this point and instead would have disappeared off the face of the  planet.

She said the same things she said before we were intimate.  She doesn’t want a relationship right now and she just wants to have a lot of fun and be free.  She told me these things before anything happened and she called to say she still felt the same way.  My initial mistake was falling into her frame and thinking that if we sleep together we are in a relationship or about to start a relationship.

This put a ton of emotional pressure on both of us and pushed us apart not together.  I had a really good talk with my NLP guru Jamie last week and he totally prepared me for this situation.  I hadn’t understood how the simple bf/gf subtext was altering my behaviour.  It’s not good for me to go around with the mindset that I am taking applications for the position of Paladin’s girlfriend.  That turns fun dates into audtions.

I have been going around for a while now saying I want a girlfriend, and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that, it has pushed me a little too far in that direction.  I am more aware that what I want is to be someone who has awesome dates with beautiful women and is open to the idea of a relationship if and when it presents itself.

Anyways my talk with Jamie prepared me for my phone call tonight.  I knew she was being distant as she had denied my last 2 date attempts.  I let her explain her position to me and I responded by saying that I am on the same page as her and I don’t want relationship pressure with her.  I think she is really cool and amazing and I want her in my life without that unecessary elephant which we had created.  She was talking really seriously, so I told her she was talking to me and that we have fun together and she can relax.  She knows me in a personal way and can talk to me like that and not be all phone strange.  It really broke the tension and we relaxed.

By the end of the phone call she invited me to a party at her house this weekend.  I am actually away snowboarding in Austria with some really beautiful, cool girls I know and hopefully FreedomOfSpeech is coming along too.  He is waiting to hear from his boss tomorrow about getting permission to take days off work.  But I digress.

The lesson I learned today is that with enough skill and understanding, you can turn a phone call where a girl is dumping you into one where she invites you over.  I have also started working my way through psycho-cybernetics for real and I was reading today about practicing conversations in your mind in advance and how that can make the real deal easier.  Totally on the money.

It’s 630 in the morning and Soul’s ldgf just called. I was like it must be last than I think, but no it’s early as hell. He is whispering sweet nothings and I am so bastard tired. He is going on and on about how much he loves Seb Drake. I swear he’s trying to make me jealous. So I’ll talk about last night I guess.

I went out with the Rockstars, Soul and Vercetti. We went to a salsa class. I was able to rock some dancefloor comedy to build attraction, but then I was trapped in attraction for almost 2 hours. I swear I’m too funny. I gotta turn it down big time if I wanna improve my game. (omg he’s talking dirty to her now). So I make a girl laugh and eventually I’m dancing with her cute friend, my target. We are partners for the last half of the lesson and even practice together after. Keychain is working the friend for me. We go to get drinks together. At some point Keychain turns into Prizefighter. I finally shift to comfort with my girl, but man I still suck at comfort. I found out some stuff about her. I felt really jerky with my kino tbh bc I’ve never done salsa before. But I really love it. I’m gonna start going every week. I really want to develop this skill. I hate there being a dance I have not mastered. Anyways, she wants to smoke so I take her and her friend holds the drinks and chills with Prize. I build comfort. She tries to facebook close me and I number close her. I think at some point I should have kclosed her outside, but I never felt a moment for it. So I dunno…………

We go back inside and I run out of things to say. I know I know…it sounds preposterous. So I just stand there near her not talking. I just decide it’s not awkward. So she finishes her wine and we practice dancing some more before she leaves. She kino escalates me and moves my hand from her hip to up her back on her bra strap. Just pressing our bodies really close. Salsa is so gangsta and sexy. V was a genius for taking us. (ok so he just said….that’s awesome I love that….that’s perfect………..in his sexy boy voice. It’s way to early for me to be subjected to this. I should have stayed at Sasha’s. I would still be asleep) So eventually she leaves and I double cheek kiss her and Prize closes her friend on their way out the door. Normally I think that’s such a weak close, but the girl was texting him 20 minutes later. Needless to say I texted my girl and got no reply.

Everyone has gone home now. So Prize and I are ready to bounce. I go to grab my jumped and it’s underneath a giant salsa band. I swear this kinda thing happens to me so much. We have to wait 30 mins for them to take a break. I am sure that this is all over his blog, but eventually we leave and do some street sets in Lester Square. I know, but I spell it how I want to, ok? Anyways, I go direct on a girl and she doesn’t even slow down. Prize goes indirect on a pair of American girls. (it is hard to focus when he is talking in his seduction voice….) On the tube there is a girl who is smoking hot. I only have one stop. I am working two blondes as well and I lose the brunette. I realize that I should have just gotten off the train with the girl I liked and gone direct. I have a limiting belief that I can only get off a train at my real stop. I have no idea why. I need to think outside the box.

Anyways that was my Thursday night. I’m so tired now, but I can’t sleep while Soul is talking dirty 2 feet away from me. I know most people out there would kill to listen to an LS instructor talking dirty on the phone and stuff. Free demo! But dudes you are crazy. Salsa broke my body. But seriously he is a great mate, that’s why I’m letting him talk on the phone and just complaining here. It’s even funnier now but I can’t write what he’s saying. It’s too shocking. Needless to say, I wish I was on Sasha’s dirty couch right now, hoping that he doesn’t touch me in my sleep. Dear God. He just said the most adorable thing ever. It’s really cute. I swear he must be talking to a guy to be talking like this. I got Sheik Yabouti to break up with his girl. Stickler is next. Ok. I am gonna go tackle Soul now…..I think it’s the best way to put down the rumours that we are more than just friends……………..yaRrrrrrhh

This could be a super long FR, as we (mostly Sasha) opened 20-30 sets on Saturday. He was in a sketch Sunday with a toy rat on a string, so on Saturday we took a stack of flyers with us and took that rat for a walk in the park. Turns out there was a big concert on, so we worked the crowd for maybe 8 hours. It was nuts. I will focus on the highlights.

I saw a Polish girl with a flier for a Master’s Course in London. Since I just did my first MA phone interview the day before it was totally on my mind. I ended up talking for her for maybe 30 minutes. I only left because Sasha needed more flyers. When I’m talking about something I’m interested in, it’s so easy to be comfortable. I think that’s an important lesson. I got her number, but she moved to London 4 weeks ago and lives with her bf so I think it’s cold…..

Later on we opened a 3set. I got some pics of Sasha with his girl. He was on a different page than me. He really pushed the escalation, while my girl was dating the other 2 girls closest friend. So it was impossible for me to escalate. Eventually they turned from loving him to hating him. I stayed in set bc my girl was actually a really nice person. She is the first Croation I have ever met. She kept pouring red wine down my throat. After Sasha left the other 2 girls were hating on him. Then they started talking about how only beautiful people should date beautiful people and ugly people should stick together. I was really surprised at the time, bc the main girl talking was a solid 5. My HB was the only one staying out of the talk. The other 2 kept saying how her and her boyfriend will have the most beautiful babies to her though….

When I thought about it later I realized that the other 2 were expressing their own physical insecurities and also tryin to wedge between me an the Croation girl. Who they actually barely knew. They talked about how she was their friends first girlfriend ever and how he would be afraid to ever break up with her. I see the writing on the wall with that one. I got the girl’s facebook and she already added me. The other two tried to stop her, but she was cool.

The really amazing thing that I learned was that two girls who ejected Sasha because of his fast screening process turned out to be really low value people. They were shockingly superficial and lacked personalities. If I had left when he had, I would have thought he lost a good set. But now I have a lot more respect for his fast-screening style.

One last set. We opened up 4 American girls with about 15 guys (nerds) sitting right next to them. I decided to try and overcome my limiting belief, but I think it might be real. American girls suck so bad. When a girl says she’s American it’s like her telling me she has 2 dicks. I want out of that set. I plowed and got a bunch of pictures with these girls etc, but the whole time I felt like I was trying to game pretty losers. They were even from the worst sorority my uni had. After 25minutes we ejected from pure boredom. Sasha was never able to succesffuly distract more than 2 of the obstacles at any time for me. And he is one funny bastard. I think that tells you all you need to know!