So today so many things happened.  I had that crazy night last night.  I forgot to shower this morning, so when I got to the talk at Mr M’s.  Nobody wanted to sit near me.  I don’t know how I didn’t notice.  It was blazing hot today so I kept re-sweating.  Needless to say I saw insane amounts of beautiful women on the street, but I continue to have my limiting belief about smelling like a sewer.  For some reason.  So after the talks end, I throw on my giant pack and head towards home.  Of course, the tube is packed to the gills.  I have to take 3 trains instead of the usual two and I keep ending up near girls I want to open, but it is hot down there and I have a massive stench.

The trains are all running late and a 15 minute trip takes 40.  I finally get to the main train station in the hopes of getting back home at a reasonable hour.  I have 20 minutes til my train.  Plenty of time to buy a ticket and grab a snack and a cold drink.  Not if your name is Paladin.  The ticket machine eats my credit card and goes OUT OF SERVICE.  Holy crap.  I am standing there and a barrage of idiots keep trying to push past me to use the broken machine.  I am literally astounded.  Sweating.  Wearing a heavy pack.  A guy goes to get help.  Train station workers apparently don’t have radios here yet.  Amazing.  Even kids at the Gap are wired up these days.  Finally a guy shows up to open the machine.  It takes ages.  He has to reboot the machine twice, but he finally gets my card back.  Then I have to buy my ticket from this other dude, lest the machine eat my card again.  It takes ages and I am waiting forever to sign the little slip of paper.  I see that somehow I have 7 minutes til my train.  So I go into the little shop for a drink and a sandwich.  I am so hot n thirsty.

There is an entire summer camp in there.  And a smoking hot brown girl.  I am not kidding.  Today was so sexy out.  I squeeze past the kids and grab a sanwich and a drink and fight my way to the back of the line.  In front of me, every person pays with exact change.  I mean the linke is 15 people and the dick up front is counting out pennies.  I watched five guys all keep staring at their watches and then go and do the same thing.  Sweating.  Stinking.  Agony.  So I see this really cute girl a few people in front of me.  I wanna talk to her so bad, but I am just struggling not to smell myself.  Another cashier walks up the the empty till in front of me.  I am in luck.  He logs in to the register.  Then he just starts counting the money in it.  There are over 30 people waiting for 2 registers and the guy just ignores everyone.  I look to the front and I see more exact change being meticulously counted out.  I am watching the clock.  I am in the middle of a war between my hunger and my stench.  I finally get to the front with three minutes til my train.  And the guy starts sorting out the coins in his register.  Some got mixed up.

He doesn’t even look at my face.  Finally he manages to ring up my two items.  I am waiting ages while he finally takes the fiver out of my hand.  I quickly race to my train.  1 minute to go.  I am there!   But my train has left early.  I have another thirty minutes to wait.  I find a bench and sit down.  I eat my sandwich and just try to relax.  I am the first one to the train when they announce the platform.  I find a seat three cars in, in the hopes that I will be left alone.  Of course this is not my fate.  An old lady comes and sits across from me with a giant bag.  She blocks me into my seat.  I just want to sleep in my own stench.  Will she grant me that?  I can only hope.  Then a station dude walks a blind guy onto the train.  The guy needs to sit in the seat next to me.  Of course.  I am blocked in.  The old lady doesn’t want to move her bag.  I say old but I mean a bitter mid-40s.  I am getting no love.  I want to escape, but I can’t.   I would have to shove through the blind guy.  He wants to put his backpack on the shelf above me.  There isn’t room.  So I get up and move my bag over to help him.  I am stuck here for 40 minutes.  How did my empty seat in the middle of the train become the worst place?  I have no idea.  I just want to get home and shower so bad.  I feel bad for the blind guy.  His sense of smell is heightened.  Like he hasn’t suffered enough.  He gets off at the station before mine.  So for five minutes I get an awkward free train ride.  Then I am home.  Finally.  And people can still ask me how I use situational openers.