Frame Control – The Art of Verbal Jujitsu

Man.  WordPress deleted my blog post on this topic TWICE.  How crap is that?  So let’s start over one more time.

Most people learn about the term “frame control” when learning about shit tests.  I love that term, but unfortunately most people hear it and don’t correctly understand it.  She’s not giving you shit – she’s testing to see if you’re full of it.  And let’s be honest, most puas are full up to the brim of the stuff.  So we shouldn’t be surprised that women want to see if we are what we claim to be.  Think of it as a woman kicking the tires.

But let’s get to the core of the matter.

What is a Frame?

A frame, or paradigm, is how you see the world.  Every single person out there has a frame that is unique to them.  Think of it this way.  You look at the world through a window.  The frame around the window determines how you see things.  If you’re frame is star-shaped then everything will looks like stars.  If your frame is yellow that color will tint everything.

You’re frame is built out of your beliefs.  These beliefs have a great range.  Here are some beliefs that I have:  I am a man.  My parents love me.  I have blue eyes.  I am intelligent.  I am good at my job.  I deserve success.  Women like me.  I am attractive.  I am better than most men with women.  I am a good dating coach.  I am a great dating coach.  Other dating coaches respect me.  I have a lot to offer the world.

Some of these beliefs seem so basic and yet I know of a person who believes the opposite of each one of these about themselves.  I know plenty of people who were born as men but they don’t think of themselves as men.  That one belief changes how they view the whole world and how they deal with it.

You have to think about your core beliefs.  Do you believe you are attractive?  The stronger your frames, the more difficult it is for someone to shake them.

When Frames Collide

When two people meet their worldviews meet.  Two people cannot interact successfully with conflicting worldviews.  So there are only 3 outcomes every single time you meet a new person.

If you walk up to a woman and think to yourself that you don’t deserve her.  If your worldview wins, you will have convinced her that you don’t deserve her.  For this reason a weak initial frame keeps most men from having beautiful, amazing women.  Think about all those guys you have seen with a woman and you thought “Why is SHE with HIM?”  Guess what – he doesn’t believe that!  He thinks he deserves her.  In fact, he probably thinks she is lucky to be with him.

When you are journeying along the path of the pickup artist, you will often pretend to be something you’re not.  We have all been told to fake it til we make it.  There is a discrepency between who you are and who you WANT to be.

I am Not What I Seem to be

This goes through my mind all the time.  Every time I stretch my arms a little I feel this.  Whenever I grow in business I am nervous.  Last week I closed a huge deal that is worth ALL my other deals put together.  I was nervous and felt like maybe I didn’t deserve it. We all go through these feelings.  It’s reality.

When you are learning to become better with women you will have similar feelings.  The first time you talk to a 6 or 7 or 8 or 9 or 10, in the back of your mind you will experience a little bit of doubt.  It’s at this moment that a woman will deliver a shit test.  It can feel like a kick to the stomach.  But if you realize that she is actually reacting to your own self-belief you will be able to handle the moment effectively.

How to Win the Frame War

What do I do if she says …..?

I get this question all the time from students.  There are as many surprises as there are women.  If you just try and prepare for each case, you will be studying forever.  And your personality will disappear into an ocean of fixed responses.  You don’t want to approach it this way.

If you are fully self-actualized then being tested won’t matter to you.  You probably won’t even notice them.  As I have gotten better at game, the way I deal with these frame tests has changed.

A Practical Example

Are you gay?

I have probably been asked this question more than a thousand times by women.  If you had a time machine you could go back and watch each time a woman said this to me.  My reaction would tell you exactly where I was on my journey to seduction masterhood.

When I first started talking to women and a girl would ask if I was gay I would think to myself that it was all over.  I had failed to seduce her.  And I would eject from the conversation as fast as I could.  As I got better I tried out different witty responses.  I always considered this the biggest hurdle to my game.  I slowed down my speech and I moved my arms around less.  And women stopped asking if I was gay.  But I would forget all the time.

Now when a woman asks if I am gay my whole mindset has changed.  I realized a couple of things.  I only care if a man is gay if he is hitting on me.  I only care if a woman is gay if I am attracted to her.  It’s the same as asking if she has a boyfriend.  So now I see this question as a HUGE sign of attraction.  If a woman asks if I am gay then I know it’s ON!

What changed?

Now my frame is much stronger.  I believe that all women are attracted to me.  I can’t imagine a woman not being attracted to me.  I’m too dynamic and amazing.  You should feel the same way about yourself.

The Final Example

Frame control is a way of controlling the interaction.  You want to turn what she says into what you WANTED her to say.  If a woman asks if I’m gay I can either think (1) She sees how weak I am and is rejecting me or (2) she is letting me know she’s attracted.

The greatest example of frame control is from the movie 300.

Persian -  Our arrows will block the sun.

Spartan – Then we shall fight in the shade.