Halloween is my favorite holiday for so many reasons. And one of the greatest reasons is that all hot women use it as an excuse to dress slutty.

Every girl is a slutty cat, a slutty witch, or a slutty cheerleader.

And I gotta say that I just love that.

So when the girls are putting out extra sexy vibes, with a little bit of strategy on our parts as men, we can all get laid this holiday season. Let me start with two classic mistakes (that I’ve made).

The Braveheart

When I was in college, I dressed up as William Wallace my freshman year. The costume was genius. I looked amazing. I had a blue kilt, matching Scottish gear, and all the blue facepaint.

And let me tell you that shit got all over my white shirt. I don’t know how clowns wear that crap without it getting everywhere. I know there is some technique out there, but I still don’t know how to do it.

Girls spend forever getting ready when they go out and there are about a million reasons why painting your face will keep them from touching you. Just one sneaky kiss and everyone will know you hooked up for starters. There’s no chance for any dark corner action.

So don’t paint your face. Nobody wants to bang a clown.

Too Cute

The cuter your costume the stronger your game has to be.  If you are a total legend like me, you can get away with wearing a full body Tigger costume.  If you are an even bigger legend like my buddy Ollie, you will borrow my Tigger costume and then bang a girl while you are both inside of it.

Notice the badass Tigger beard

You should always learn away from cute and towards a sexy, bad boy image this Holiday season.  If you dress up as a chipmunk, or the boy from Where The Wild Things Are, then you have to have a strong enough personality to cover up the assumption that you are a weak kid.

Too Lame

There is nothing worse than when you are wearing a costume and nobody gets it.  Don’t be the guy dressed as a “normal dude.”  And don’t be the guy dressed as something obscure that people have to ask like fifty questions to figure out that they still don’t get it.

Here is a sweet picture of me as Wolverine for Halloween in 2002 I believe.  This was before all the X-men movies.  Therefore nobody got it.  But this IS definitive proof that I was rocking a Wolverine look before I ever heard of Hypnotica.

And last but not least don’t be the one guy not wearing a costume.  That just makes you a prick.

Don’t Carry Something

If you carry it you will regret it.  And probably lose it.   This means nunchucks, swords, scepters and anything else you gotta carry in your hand.  Somewhere during the night you will probably lose it.

So there is no percentage in carrying that crap around.  It will only cause you problems.  If you have a drink in one hand and a sword in the other, what hands are you going to touch her boobs with?  I love swords but I love touching boobs more.

How to Do It Right

Take a Sexy Archetype

Pick a character that already has sexy attached to it – pirate, motorcycle badboy etc.  I don’t want to tell you exactly what costume to get but you want to get one that is about 10% beyond your personality to push yourself.  You want it to be something simple that she’ll get.

Can you even tell what my costume is? The pirate got WAY more action that night.

If your costume is good, then women will approach you to comment on it.

You can also just dress like a sexy celebrity.  Think Leonardo DiCaprio or Matt Damon in any of their movies.  But again you gotta make it super clear who you are dressed up as, or you’ll run into problems.

Only wear a Half Mask

You can wear a mask on Halloween.  It adds a sense of mystery or the forbidden.  I have a half gasmask that only covers my nose and mouth.  Gotten laid wearing it.  And I love wearing my Venetian mask.

This is the very mask the night I slept with the Mouse.  I couldn’t find a picture of me wearing it, but this is a hot girl borrowing it because she loved it so much.  Please forgive the picture, I was hammered when I took it, but this chick is seriously sexy.

If you wear a full mask there is too much mystery.  There could be anything under there.  If you wear a half mask, her mind will fill in the gaps and make your more handsome.  If she can only really see your eyes and mouth, then you are in great shape.  Everyone has nice eyes.

Costume = Approach Invitation

If a girl is wearing a costume she wants you to walk up to her.  That is a FACT.  If she didn’t want people to mention her costume, she wouldn’t be wearing one.  Remember that everyone is insecure.  So you can walk up and say, “great costume” to every single woman you see next weekend.

This is why it’s crucial that you wear a costume.  If you compliment her costume and you’re not wearing one, it’s hard for her to say something back.  Plus you look like a dick.  Plus you are ruining my favorite holiday.

Wear Your Costume a Day Early and a Day Late

There is nothing better than being the only guy wearing a costume.  Every single girl will approach you.  As long as you have the confidence to back it up, you will get a bunch of free attention.  It’s like peacocking but way less obvious!

When anyone points out that you’re the only one wearing a costume just say that you love Halloween.  A strong frame turns being the odd man out into a MAJOR advantage.

When I Wear Wings I Get Laid

This one doesn’t come with a guarantee but everytime I wear Angel Wings I get laid.  As I am writing this I realize that my wings are missing.  I wonder if I left them in Europe.  I had a pair that I gave my oneitis when I was in Japan.  In fact that picture of me with the pirate is from that Halloween.  She left them behind and I kept them.

Turns out they were lucky after all!

There is something about a man wearing wings that just turns women on.  Then again I am turned on by a woman wearing wings.  The first time I wore wings was to make myself more confident like one week after learning that pickup existed – and I got laid.  It’s one of my first blog posts actually.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any solid pictures of me in those wings.  Sorry for that.

Leave a Comment Ya Bastards!

I know how many of you guys are reading these articles.  Now that it’s hundreds every day I expect some comment love.  So tell me what costume you’re gonna wear and next week tell me that ya got laid!

So one of my recent guys and I have been hanging out a ton lately. There is nothing I enjoy more than hanging out with a student that I have turned into a badass wing and friend. Of course this is a story of a different sort.

On Saturday this dude was in a restaurant bar eating dinner alone when he sees three girls throwing back the drinks and decides to join in the conversation. It’s amazing how many epic stories start with just one little decision. The first step seems hardest of all, except when we look at it with hindsight.

Fast forward a few hours and he’s partying with them in their strip club and throwing back the overpriced cocktails. He gets the number of the loudest and craziest one after a night of intense partying and trouble making. He texts her the next day and gets no reply so he figures that it’s dead. C’est la vie.

Ever since I learned the right way to spell that, I love typing it.

Late night Sunday she texts him saying she wants to meet up on Monday. So he suggests taking her out to dinner and maybe a few drinks. She’s like how about we just chill at your place. This is the ultimate sign that she just wants to bang. She doesn’t even want the free dinner first!

But this is also where I’m crashing this week, since I’m visiting him. So I get the boot when she comes over. I drove 8 hours that day and I spend an hour falling asleep in a restaurant and then another hour trying to sleep by the pool while he’s doing his thing to her.

The finally chip off and I hit the sack. Right where he smashed her.

A few days later she wants to party and he tells her to bring one of her friends for me. So on Thursday I go out and get loaded up on booze and ready to party. He texts me a little later telling me they have some specific booze requests. Needless to say they want some gross watermelon flavored stripper booze. The lady in the WinnDixie knew exactly what was up. I made sure to have her tell everyone else in the store that I normally buy tough guy liquor.

So the girls go to some bar on the way back to our party pad and he goes to meet them on his way back from work. I have to cruise over from the apartment. A silly little 5 minute drive to meet them up. His girl is loud as hell and people are all moving away from her. She’s got about 15 piercings and 40 tattoos and she is the type of girl that shouts all the time. Right behind her and her buddy is a lovely pair of blonds that I just want to dive right into. But I gotta back my boy up and these girls are already coming back to ours.

The girl he got for me is a cute little brunette. As soon as I make eye contact with my dude we signal that we gotta get these girls outa public. It’s straight embarassing to be around girls that are so loud and obnoxious.

We bounce them back to the pad and start doing drinks. It’s quickly apparent that his girl runs the club where these girls dance. She’s one of those girls that shouts that she is an expert at everything. So she immediately takes over the drink pouring duties. If you like half your booze getting poured on the counter and drinks that taste awful, I can give you this girls contact details. It’s amazing how delusional some people can be.

I go back out with the friend to get some soda to mix with their drinks and I notice a bigass child seat in the back of her car. She’s like ya I got 2 kids and I live with my grandmother. I was like that’s awesome. Normally I would be way outa the scene by now. It’s just too much baby mama drama, but this girl’s body is tight.

Back in the condo we are blasting back drinks and I start escalating the hell outa my girl. I start talking to her about talents and she tells us all that her main talent is making her butt and snatch snap separately. She then stripped from the waist down and showed us. It was impressive but I’m not really sure how it was sexy. Way to scientific looking for me.

We are getting blasted and end up doing chicken fights in the pool. Tops are getting ripped off and our old creepy neighbor is watching like a hawk. He’s just circling the pool like my dog used to when it thought I was drowning as a kid.

We are getting completely dominated because the other team has like 50% more mass than us. So we keep working on strategies. In the final round I drop down super low, grab my friend’s dong, and then blast up so she can push the other girl over. We have a sweet victory.

I take her back inside and we start making out. I look at the door and I’m like do I need to lock that? I don’t really want to lose my groove so I ignore it. I pop her top off and I’m trying to reach behind me for a condom when the main stripper busts in and shuts us down. The girl is just shouting and wants more drinks.

So the mood is broken and we all are back outside chilling more. About 15 minutes later the blond stripper shouts that the 3 of them need to have a meeting in the condo. She runs over and locks me outa my own place. I was going to go hunting all night for ladies with one of my homies from London, and I even told him when I went home that something like this would happen to me.

So my homey had the first threesome of his life and even smashed in the brunette bareback in the bootie. That’s some serious shenanigans.

Like I always say, I get my students laid.

I’m damn happy for him but next time I’m hiding a book by the pool.

SEE, I can post stories where I’m not the hero.

Friday night I went out with a ton of new guys from the lair and a few guys who hadn't been out with me in like 6 months.  I wanted to celebrate as my business has a new contract that means I am sorted for the next year at least.  All my expenses are covered and it's amazing to turn that bend as a business.

So I hit up the usual spot and I'm chatting to this bartender girl.  She's too much car for me but I like to get loose.  My favorite girl looks like a model and hooks me up like crazy, but she wasn't there!  What am I, cursed?

The bar itself was seriously lacking in talent for some reason.  It was a Breast Cancer fundraiser so I was rocking a new pink tie from Express.  I went way out of my way after all my meetings to pick it up.  And people kept asking if it was red.  What kind of world do we live in?

With zero talent to attack I convince 2 of the dudes with me to try another bar 2mins down the road.  The door girl lets me in free as usual, which is awesome.  As I am walking up to the bar I see a blond with a decent body and a brunette.  The blond makes eye contact and the game is afoot my friends!

I roll in and ask if they are in line.  That's right.  I am finally revealing my main pickup line for free.

So there I am chatting and the 2 guys I am with keep coming up and telling me things.  Like one is going to the bathroom and one is going to the front of the bar.  I am actually not sure what they are signaling.  I can tell that we aren't in sync at all. 

I grab one of the dudes and hand him off to the blond.  She had a really nice body, but I am not gonna lie.  She looks like she was rode hard and put away wet.  In the face at least.  She was really cool though.

She saw me switch from her to her friend and she was 100% cool about it all night.  I really respect that.  Because her friend looked like Juno.  Ok I only know that because they both asked me what I thought about that.

So I spend the rest of the night with Juno.  The other dudes all disappear and the friend just goes to hang out with her other friends.  We were dancing and killing it.  More people were watching us than the ban and it was just all in the moment.  She had the most amazing body and she was just so damn skinny.

At one point she even asked why I picked her of all the other girls in the bar.  It's good to know that I still got it.

Eventually she had to cruise home with her friend and she wouldn't give me her number.  Guess it was just a moment kind of thing.

At this point I have no more memory.  I know I went back to the original bar and I couldn't find anyone I knew.  So I started talking to two girls.  I can't remember anything about them, but I just found out something amazing.  I snapped a few photos with them!  Who knew?

It's a pleasant surprise and it turns out the 2nd girl was pretty cute.  It's a shame that I don't remember ANYTHING of that part of the night.  But I still no how to have a blast when I'm riding solo.  Don't know how much longer I am gonna be in this town or what the future holds but there is still some fun out there.

Now I didn't originate the idea of a photo routine, but there are parts of this that I though of myself.  I probably didn't do anything other than re-invent the wheel, but I thought I would share this anyway.  I learned about photo routines from my first coach Stickler back in Guildford, so I wanna be sure to give him love.

The Purpose -

Whenever you are taking a photo with a girl, as with any "routine," pattern, piece of conversation, escalation or whatever you want to call it, you need to know WHY you are doing it.  The WHY will determine the effectiveness of the operation.  If you just take pictures to take pictures, well you won't accomplish anything. 

1.  To have a ton of pictures with hot girls – Let's not lie to each other.  This is the main reason we take pictures with girls.  We wanna throw them on our facebook page so that we can tell our friends we have social proof.  We want to attach them to field reports so that guys from the internet will respect us. 

Guess what?  That's a 100% legitimate reason to take a picture with a girl.  Building up your facebook page will slowly build up your social status, but the main thing that having a ton of hot girls on your facebook page does is make you feel good about yourself.  It builds up your confidence and this is a KEY element of all the dating systems I have ever encountered. 

A lot of guys will take a shitload of pictures when they are first learning game.  This will last for about 6 months.  I am not sure why, but it is usually about this long.  I went from pictures of every set to pictures here and there, to once a month or at a big party.

2.  To build attraction – You can spike attraction early in a set by taking a bunch of photos with a girl.  It's fun and girls love to by photographed when they are out.  Just because it only took you 15 minutes to get dressed, doesn't mean she spent less than an hour.  Girls only go out if they look amazing, so they are photo-ready.

With this goal in mind, you take the photos fast and early, but you don't push for the kiss.  This is more about having a ton of fun.  Think of all those Japanese girls that love puricura.  (the photobooth shit)

3.  To build rapport - It's later in the set and you are struggling to get past attraction.  You only have a tenuous connection with the girl.  You can tell she likes you but you want to tie her to that second date.

In this case you will focus on taking rapport building pictures.  Instead of you/her pictures you want US pictures.  Girls like taking romantic or fun photos and this is an easy way to get that facebook close.  She will want to be tagged in photos where she looks cute.  It makes you real.

4.  To escalate -  Let's not fuck around.  This is the main reason I rock the photo routine.  It doesn't matter where you are in set if you get this right, so I am really going to focus on this part.  I only break out the camera to get some pictures of a tongue war.  And the example photos below are of this version of the routine.

The preparation

You need to plan this in advance.  The first thing you need to do is get the right camera.  I know it seems obvious, but cell phone pics still look like shit when compared to digital camera pics.  I have been rocking the same camera for 5 years now and it's still taking way better photos than my new badass blackberry. 

Equipment

I use a Casio Exilim.  I bought the bitch in Japan in 2005.  That's right.  I'm that old.  And this camera is my fucking soulmate.  I took like 5k pictures of my oneitis with it.  I took pictures in Thailand, South Korea, Cambodia, Japan, Sweden, Austria, and England with it.  It has been there for my whole journey.  It broke once.  Like the zoom motor broke.  I took it to an electronics shop in Japan and they fixed it for like 80 bucks. It's been perfect ever since.

I bought this camera for 2 very important reasons.  Everyone I knew who had been in Japan for more than a year had the same camera.  In a country where electronics kick ass, to see 10 people saying the same camera is awesome is a BIG sign.  The other reason is more important.  It's the exact width of my fingers.  Most fuckers don't think of this shit.  But I get drunk…A LOT.  So some of the newer version of this camera are a little difficult for me to hold.  Translation – I will drop them.  I mean I am pretty sure that in 5 years I have dropped this camera 3-4 times.  But it's endured.  Also if a camera is too thick, you will hold it different each time.  That's no good.  So get one that fits your hand.

The case for your camera is also something to consider.  If you got keys or your phone in the same pocket the thing is gonna get knocked around.  I have a case that my camera slips into.  It basically adds like 2mm on 5 of the 6 sides of the camera.  It's not a big stupid camera case with room for film or whatever.  I love it and it's SMALL.  Remember you don't wanna wear like a fishing vest filled with your "pickup gear."

The 2 Ps – Plan and Partner

This is like the most important part of the photo routine.  You gotta let your wing in on it.  You need to have a 5 minute discussion with him about what to do.  2 years ago I almost punched Keychain in the face for fucking up my photo routine.  You wanna make sure that your wing remembers that he is your friend and doesn't start doing that old school lame ass "alpha" shit like start taking pictures of himself and then hand the camera back. 

Instead let him know that HE is crucial.  When he has the camera girls RESPECT him.  Think about how we treat photographers our whole lives.  Our brains are programmed to obey them.  And if a girl is a model, well then she really can't resist the commands of a camera man.

Your wing is important for 2 reasons – he can escalate on your behalf AND he is a buffer.  If I can get a girl to kiss me on the cheek, then my wing can convince her to lick my cheek.  This is a picture that Stickler took where he told 2 girls to lick the side of my face.  He took like 3 pix but this is the best one.  And BOTH of these girls had boyfriends like 5 feet away.

He is a great buffer because if the girl rejects his escalation, it doesn't affect you.  You can just burn him.  If your buddy is like "make out!" and she freaks out.  Just be like ignore him, he's always making trouble.  And BOOM. You protected her.  So you can still get points.

Strike Time

Now you do NOT need a reason to take a photo with a girl.  Just in the middle of chatting say "Let's take a photo."  It's that simple.  Don't make it a big deal.  If you are opening with a photo routine then you might need something else. 

Goal 1 - If your goal is a ton of pics with hot girls then just do a speed version of this routine.  Walk up to girls and say you are on vacation and you want pics of all the cool people from there.  Just be high energy.  Or have your wing say it's your birthday and you need pics because you are going to blackout.  This both work.  Just remember.  HIGH ENERGY.

Goal 2 - About 5 minutes into the set either brake out the camera or have your wing do it.  "You know what?  You're pretty cool.  Let's take a picture so we can treasure this moment forever."  Say something fun or cheesy like that.  Then take silly fun photos and only ratchet up for the romance at the end of the routine.  Take a normal pic.  Then underwater with cheeks puffed.  Then scared like the boulder from Temple of Doom is rolling behind you.  (Most girls I go for are too young for this movie so I just say being chased by the Abominable Snowman).  The idea here is to have fun.  You can make the final picture – Stare into each other's eyes like you are on top of the Eiffel Tower.  This is money!  Flips her romance switch.  (If you are going for a bf situation)  You gotta calibrate to what you want.  But this is an easy way to transition to comfort.

Goal 3 -  Take the pictures when you are getting to know each other.  Make it more of a travel vacation theme.  In front of the pyramids.  In a space ship.  In the future when you both have robot eyes.  Shit like this.  It's about future projecting and locational rapport.  (To show you that I DO know some fancy ass pua terms.)

You want her to imagine you in her life in the future.  And you want her to imagine you in different backgrounds.  Both of this things make her feel like she has known you longer.  She will feel more emotionally closer to you.  This is comfort/rapport/connection or whatever pickup term YOU like to use for it.

NOW THE GOOD SHIT

Goal 4 – Escalate.  If you read goals 1-3 and said fuck that noise.  Then I totally hear you.  Basically as you advance through game you will move this routine later and later in your set.  Until you get tight and then just use it whenever you want.

First the DEMO!.  These pics were taken by Tov last Friday after I taught him the basics of the routine.

I met this girl about 3 minutes before this photo was taken.  I was outside smoking and I just had a feeling.  I gave Tov the signal and he was like lemme take a photo. 

Now a beginner might look at this photo alone and thing "shit how does he do that"  but I am gonna let you guys behind the curtain.  It's all perception.  If a girl feels a little bit comfortable with you, she will fall into her normal "I'm with a guy" pose.  That's what is happening here.  YES she is attracted to me, but just a little bit.  This is her being normal for her.

This photo is about 90% good winging by Tov.  He says to her.  What the fuck are you doing?  Take a REAL photo.  He's escalating her for me.  So she leans in more.  When I am winging I will shout things like "Show me the sexy!"  But just see what girls respond to when you are the photog.  Just think paparazzi.  You can shout shit like "come on this shit is gonna be on TMZ, sex it up a little"  Any shit like that.

So now she is leaned in close.  Of course I think this pic sucks with here eyes blacked out.  It isn't as good looking as the first one.  Even though from a technical standpoint it's got a TON more kino and compliance from her.  See how my body is pointed towards the camera but her's is pointed towards me?  That's right.  Her vagina is aimed at my cock.

This picture is epic because a TON of things are happening right here.  All within about 2 seconds.  So I am gonna bring you through on slo-mo. 

Tov starts by "fucking up" my routine.  He over escalates.  He says "now kiss."  No lead in or anything.  And I start to burn him, BUT she immediately kisses me.  The student becomes the master.  It turns out that I underestimated the situation.  Or how slutty this girl is, but either way.  She complied with the full push.

So I hesitated, but the force of his will was enough to get me the makeout.  This led to about a 20 minute dirty makeout session.  The idea here is to have a good flow.

We went pictures -> sexy picture -> makeout.

The Standard Version

Now you should always be willing to vary what you do and experiment with new shit.  But this is the basic Paladin Escalation Photo Routine. (PEPR – pronounced pepper)  HAHA..  I just thought of that wicked name for this.  You can be like hey wing "Got any Paper?" and he can be like no, but I've got a fucking camera.

Ok so the photos have 3 phases.  And I usually only take 3 photos.

1.  Take a normal picture.  Anything can work here.  Just bring her in really tight.  If she gives you 6 take 7.  On the scale of like sexy photoness.  So if she snuggles a little, just push for a little more. 

2.  This is the escalation photo.  It's like preparing her for photo 3.  Depending on vibe you want to go for the Under the Ocean pic or you can push for the Can't you be Sexy pic?  Either way you are moving attraction and kino forward.

3.  The close.  Here I usually say now stare into my eyes.  Depending on vibe, you can say something like just like in Lady and the Tramp.  Or you can say somewhere romantic. 

Again if your partner knows the pattern, all you have to do is let him direct.  If you are obeying him, she will feel that and feel even more inclined to obey.

 Final Thoughts

You and your wings should just have 1 camera for the night.  I used to be the camera guy, but now I just give my camera to someone I trust.  Now some guys will take the camera and then hand it back to you at the end of the nigh without having taken a picture.  So never give that dude the camera again.  It's a waste.  For now Tov is my new camera dude because he's a maniac with it.  I just opened iphoto to get those 3 demo photos and there are like 30 pics of that fucker with different girls.  I mean really I want him taking pictures of me, but hey.  Either way it's happening.

The other thing is that if you take a club photo with a girl you probably won't fuck her.  This is pretty much why I stopped taking photos.  Whenever I think a set is really good to go, I don't take a photo.  Like these pics are from Friday.  This girl wasn't special so whatever.  But Saturday night I met a girl that was smoking hot and super cool.  I only ran 1 set all night and so I didn't break out the camera.  This might just be my personality.  So you can experiment for yourself, but keep this in mind.  Once a girl takes a pic with you a one night stand HAS to count.  Because there is proof. 

Don't take pictures to fuck with a girl.  Don't post pictures to harm her or fuck with her reputation on facebook or some shit.  For real.  I have 3 sisters and 2 nieces and I fucking love women.  So just don't use my shit for evil.

I wasn't really gonna write a field report about this night since Tov and Svelte wrote such good recounts on the lair and masf, but what the hell.  It was a crazy night.  For me I really don't like to write about stuff unless it's really educational or amazing.  I realized that I still haven't written about the time I almost went to jail for 25 years in Tunisia for fornication.  I am really writing a short story about that.  So I'll see what comes of it.

Anyways, I get a call from JohnnyC69 that Tov and Svelte drove up from Cookeville, picked him up and are on the way to my place.  Then he asks where I live.  It's astounding that a guy can come over like 5 times and still not know.  But I get lost a lot too.  It's why I always rely on the GPS in my blackberry.  So I tell him the way and tell Inbred to get dressed.

The guys scoop us and we head to my favorite local honkey tonk.  It's pretty empty so we are just sitting outside chatting.  Just a quiet Friday with no cute girls.  Since I don't have to drive I decide to throw down a few cocktails.  I'll admit it – I like to drink.  I'm not sure what happened but suddenly I was drunk as shit.  I only found out later that my drinks were like 80% vodka.  So I was 4x drunker than I expected.  Well in these types of situations we just gotta adapt.

I realize 2 things are once – we are standing in what I call a lair circle and I really need to pee.  Now if you have ever been out with a group of more than 3 pickup artists or visited a small town lair you will be able to quickly recognize a lair circle.  All the guys stand in a circle talking about girls and never opening.  There is something like a vortex about them.  I have seen 'em in London and Cambridge.  Virgo told me he saw one in LA.  So I know they happen everywhere.  I need to break out of this so I tell Inbred it's time to stroll.  I go into the toilet and that son of a bitch is in a goddam 1set.  How does that help me warm up??  I head back to the boys because I still have that antsy feeling.

It's like when you are doing double skip jump rope and you just wait for that right moment to jump in.  If you time it wrong the ropes will hit you.  You know when to jump, but if you get nervous your timing will be off and then it all ends in tears and skinned knees.  I have never actually done jump rope with 2 ropes, but this is just what I imagine it feels like.  And this is my story so I get to use whatever damned metaphors I want to.

So I go back to the guys and Tov and Svelte are dripping with AA.  They are from a small town and I get that.  Plus I guess they are actually JohnnyC69 fans.  Which is kinda cool for him.  I mean they are nice guys.  Just young.  As most guys know, there is nothing more contagious amongst animals than fear.  And AA is just another form of fear.  So now I'm catching it and I know that if you leave it just lying there, something will break.

So I head back and find Inbred and he asks me to wing him.  Turns out his girl has a friend.  I'm really not sure why he is talking to a 6, but I get to enjoy the company of her friend.  A rock solid 4.  Good news though.  She is one of the ugly girls who also has a shitty personality.  I walk up and ask her why she's texting so much.  Turns out she's updating her facebook status.  Awesome.  I just keep grinding and it's not hitting.  I will tell you something that is no secret to any of my friends.  I SUCK with ugly chicks.  They just hate me.  I can't close a 4 to save my life.  I'm not complaining really.  It's like the fact that I can't get strep throat.  I'm simply immune to that disease. 

I could make out with girls who have strep throat all night long and nothing will happen to me.  Now if she blows me…I just don't know if a man can get strep cock, so why find out?

So this girl is just boring as hell.  She keeps doing facebook shit.  Eventually she tells me that my beard is ugly.  Now I know for a face that I have a bad ass George Micheal 1988 beard.  I have experimented with dozens of looks and haircuts to maximize my sexy factor.  I mean she could call me fat.  I'm a little bit chubby so ok.  But she hates my beard?  Lying to a man is just plain rude.  By this point Inbred's girl has walked off so I finally eject too.  I can only do so much winging.

He then tells me that it counts as him opening two sets.  I was like what?  If you fuck the same girl twice does that mean you have fucked 2 girls?  I hate his math skills.  I mean lack of math skills.  I'm still a little pissed about the 10 in the car that he snatched from me.

Anyways, my AA is rolling back in.  It really just never goes away.  Every day is a new damn day.  So I'm like Inbred, let's roll.  Fuck this noise it's time to make some waves.

So I see 13 girls sitting on a bench and I just open all those bitches.  He rolls over to the other end of the bench.  My girl is ok, but we are just too close to the band so she can only hear some of what I'm saying.  Then we start watching Inbred.  I don't know what that fucker is saying and he still hasn't told me, but goddamit.  I watch each girl he's talking to get up and he slides on seat closer to me and the girl I'm talking to.  I'm trying to get through the girl next to me to her friend who is actually really pretty. 

And Inbred is rolling at me with the power of the inevitable.  I swear to God.  He actually got all the girls to get up including the one next to me.  She even pinkie swore that we would talk again.  Obviously we never did.  To be fair I forgot which one she was, because something strange happened next.

The bar is only 40% full which always makes me nervous when I'm out but almost every girl there is a Nashville 8 or better.  I gotta say Nashville 8 because I have been to Sweden.

From here on in, the story is going to be out of order.  I was drunk as shit and I always lose my internal clock when I'm drunk.  I remember a lot of the night but I can never remember the order things happen in.  Tov was like having an AAgasm, so I grabbed him and threw him into a booth as hard as I could.  I could swear I heard bone crack into wood, but sometimes you just gotta beat the fear out of someone.  According to his field report that set went really well for him.  So just goes to show, a firm hand works.

I end up meeting some big dude from Wisconsin or one of those other states that people never really talk about and they never have movies that take place there.  It's like one of those states that writers write about to show people how smart they are.  It reminds me of books like Catcher in the Rye or something.  I know that's in New York but I just wanted to mention how much I hate that book.  Complaining teenage angst.  Or maybe Wisconsin is where all those "coming of age" plays take place.  All I know is I have never been there and I doubt I could find it on a map.  And I'm pretty sure my oneitis went to college there.

OK.  So I am talking to this jacked dude and I swear he starts talking about how all these guys in the bar are roided out.  I was like dude you are pretty jacked.  But I can see his point.  Then we start to make fun of fat girls.  Those bitches ALWAYS drink diet coke.  I don't think they understand that diet means something different when you put it in front of a word.  It's much better AFTER a word.  I will explain.  DIET PEPSI – Less fattening pepsi.  SOUTH BEACH DIET – a method to make your fatass shrink (or give you a heart attack.)

So we start joking about this and 2 girls roll out.  I dive at their table and start chatting to mine.  Her voice was so deep me and this dude jump.  I was like holy crap this girl is channelling Barry White.  So we chat a few minutes and his girl has a husband or boyfriend who comes out and it's like we are trying to eject as fast as possible.  Also I think mine had a bad personality.  Or I might have just thought that because her voice was so deep.

Then at some point I was talking to this girl by the bar for like 40 minutes.  Oh shit.  I remember now.  I walk up to this really cute girl and the guy next to her and ask if he's her boyfriend.  She says he's her brother and I said that still doesn't answer my question. 

So I chat to her and he slips off.  She has this orbiter friend guy that keeps popping around.  Lately I have been talking about how all orbiters are bitches and I have been tanking them like crazy.  Just because they try and step to my game.  Man I made this dude cry last week, but anyways.  I keep chatting to her and I get her number.  And I am like baby what's your name again?  She tells me and I start laughing.  I thought she was making it up.  I was like that's not a real name.

Whoops.  Turns out it wasn't a fake name, but it might have been a fake number.  I'll never call after that.  And dudes I don't know how this happened but her orbiter just walks up and starts making out with her.  And all I can do is think man that guys shirt is really cool.  Usually orbiters dress like dicks, so I respect any dude with good fashion in this one horse town.  I almost ask him where it's from but his tongue is busy. 

I'm not even upset because 3 minutes later I'm in another set.  I am totally forgetting like 7 sets or something so you'll have to ask the other guys or read their field reports.  I 5 pictures from the night so those help me a lot with figuring things out.  This dude looked exactly like Freddie Prinze jr.  and since that dude is on 24 this year he is all in my mind.  I love that show.  Can't help it.  So much over the top drama.

Ok so I decide I like this dude.  I do some of my jazz and I kiss this girl then he kisses her.  Now his two "wings" show up.  These guys are total idiots.  They are trying to tank me but they don't realize that I've decided to help Freddie out.  I mean the dude is fighting terrorists on tv every damn monday night.  It's the least I could do.  They keep saying shit that is weirding this girl out.  I pull them aside and I'm like guys I know you think your'e cool but you're destroying your friend.  If you wanna keep him from getting laid keep talking.

According to Tov I did a spin move and then those dudes were gone.  I will ask him tomorrow to show me what I did.  But then I chat with Freddie and his girl some more….and then blackness.  HAha.  I know.  I wonder if he closed the set too.  Oh well.  Thanks vodka brain!

Next set.  There are these 2 blonds.  They were so hot that I chickened out on opening them twice earlier.  But it's time.  They sit down and I jedi open that shit.  Within one minute this girl that's so hot is fucking with my tie.  I am wearing this cool purple shirt I got from Express with a skinny white tie.  The bitch makes it into a big Donald Duck bow.  All the other guys are impressed by all this "kino."  But the main thing going through my mind is how did I lose control of this train?

Of course I have this other issue.  I really respect when a girl is ACTUALLY funny.  I mean it's pretty rare.  Especially for a really hot girl.  But I thought that was really funny.  So I left it in for like 5 whole minutes.  I have 2 pictures of me with these girls and that tie.  It's so funny.  Anyways they go to get more drinks or to use the bathroom or dance.  Those are the 3 things girls do.

Last thing I remember is that I am talking to some girl and Tov is right next to me sitting down.  He says she's a really hot blond.  So I believe him.  The guy was stone cold sober.  So I talk to this girl like 5 minutes and I shout GROUP HUG.  And he starts to stand up and I'm like don't move fucker.

And then I just shoved the girls face at his face.  Their faces are like 1 milimeter apart.  That's less than an inch for you guys that prefer inches.  And like the damn kid doesn't pull the trigger. 

I read his field report and the kid feels a shitload of shame.  So I'm not gonna torture him on here.

Analysis of the Night

I have pictures of me with 5 smoking hot girls.  Good for the old facebook profile.

I kissed 2 girls ( I'm pretty sure)

I got 1 number (then told the girl her name was shitty)

Overall I had fun but for real I mean to focus and get my dick wet.  Maybe next time I will be less like Tucker Max…but probably not.

So last night I thought I had students, but they had to bump to next week at the last minute.  So I ended up going out to see Mr M for his final night with the Rockstars.  We were out with Bugsy Malone and Freedom of Speech as well.  They guys took me out to Chinawhite and got a table and everything.  It was really quality.

I got absolutely smashed and met some super hot girls.  There were two really stunning girls who were eyefucking me up all night.  In the end I chatted to each of them.  They were rejecting guys left and right but just loving me.  I was just feeling so electric.  It was just great to be out with the boys and going insane.  By the end of the night both girls told me I was amazing and that they had boyfriends.

Man that is the most boring speech ever.

Then somehow me and Freedom ran away from everyone at Subway and went to the Egg, where they said they didn’t like our clothes and wouldn’t let us in.  All I know is that when I’m in my 50s I don’t wanna be running the face-policy at the dirtiest hole in London.  So I still win.

At the  bus stop alone at 5am some drunk dude starts yelling at me and threatening to stab me in the face.  What is with old people tonight?  I just pretty much ignore the dude but he just keeps yelling.  And then asking for cigarettes or spare change.  Finally my bus pulls up and I just walk away from him.

As I get on the bus I tell one of the people who watched all this and chose not to get involved that it was all her fault.  Ahaha.

Made it home around 6 and I poured myself into bed.

I will try and get my hands on the photos from tonight as soon as I can.  Can’t wait til my big party next Saturday.  Debauchery here I come!!!

So recently I was out with a bunch of coaches from different companies and I had a little incident. I invited one guy to join me and the other dudes and he showed up with two of his trainees. Now I understand how it can feed your to constantly roll with your acolytes, but we had a table for 4 and he shoved in 2 extra guys that no one invited or knew to expect.

So I am jammed in the corner and two guys are talking over top of me. I ask this dude who I have known for years to switch seats with me. He immediately goes all alpha on me and is like why don’t you want to listen to our conversation? I was really surprised. I invited a dude to join me and some of my friends and suddenly the fact that I wanna spend time with them becomes a deal.

I am like dude just move your monkeys and switch seats with me. THEN he wants to fight me over calling his acolytes monkeys. I hate when people are looking for an excuse to show how alpha they are. When I was really young I learned a great lesson from the Karate Kid cartoon. Don’t fight someone unless you are sure you can win and if you know you can win a fight, why do you need to? To prove it to the other person?

I am a very good fighter and I train at a very tough gym in London all the time. I have no desire to get into it with anyone. I just find it so boring. So when someone tries to escalate on me, it just slides off like water.

Eventually he shut up and let me switch seats so I could talk to my friend. The message of this post is that you shouldn’t be obsessed with showing everyone how alpha you are. Being the guy who is always looking to prove himself just makes you look weak. Great warriors never need to prove it. Being a strong man is about being unaffected by the stresses of life, not trying to dominate the men around you. All my friend did is convince me that I don’t want to be around him very often anymore.

Saturday I finished my dissertation while October slept. I actually slept really good on his couch. Go figure. I mean I honestly had a pretty good time last night and some of that stuff was really funny. Obviously I would have preferred to get my dick wet, but I am all about enjoying the journey.

We spend the day lying on the couch watching comedy central. I forgot what its like to have cable. It was so nice to just do nothing. I am texting this girl back and forth and deciding about coming back to London to see her. In the end I am seeing her Sunday night so I get one more night in Cambridge.

We drink these homemade concoctions of October’s. I rate the guy in a lot of ways but if he offers you a drink, you should say no. I swear I thought he’d poisoned me. On the walk to the clubs I realize I have 13 different kinds of alcohol in my stomach. It was roiling. How often do I get to use that word? October didn’t believe me that it was a real word.

We get to the bar and the lair dudes are there and there is actually one girl with them. She seemed nice enough. Didn’t really get to talk to her though. Stuff started happening hard and fast. This one dude tells us how there are 2 crazy chicks, one hot and one not so much there. Then the not cute one rolls up to talk to him. We start chatting I mean whatever I wanna get my jaw moving.

She was so huge it was unbelievable.  But we are yapping.  October is just leaning against the rail being silent and smooth.  Either that or the poison he drank with me is acting up in his stomach too.  Three cuties stand next to the big girl and she starts saying how she has the same top as one of them.  The girl probably weights 90 pounds.  And their outfits look nothing alike.  I see this as an easy way to upgrade my set.  So I keep saying what are you talking about and then she says something to the girl.  She turns back and tells me she is bored of me and October.  She is going to find more interesting people to talk to.

I jump at the three new girls.  I start talking to the cute, small one.  Tell her what the crazy big girl was on about.  She was freaked out at first when some fat girl started pointing at her.  We chill in this set for a bit and I find out the girl is a rugby player.  A wing.  Whatever that means.  All I know is I think it’s sexy as hell.  We chat to these girls for a while, but I think Oc drifts off.  They tell us to meet them at some club later.  They might have even invited us along, but we we are hoping to stay in this bar til closing.  Just keep it simple.

We go back inside and see a ton of cute ladies.  We decide to do our old trick and start throwing up shapes all over the bar.  Put out a little bait and the girls in this town open us like crazy.  Girls are taking pictures of each other.  October jumps into the back of one and then a few minutes later one of the girls wants a pic with us on either side.  She has the right idea.  We would never force a girl to choose between us.  We know how to share.

We bounce around the bar a bit.  Neither one of us can get a set open.  Again.  It’s so weird.  Fortunately girls keep opening us.  The bar runs out of girls.  They all seem to hit this bar and then go to clubs.  So we head off in search of another club.  The lair is going to one place.  We peel off.  Sometimes a 2man strike team is ideal.

We pass Vodka Revolution.  It’s full of girls.  We gotta pay a few coins to get in but fuck it.  We wanna have fun.  We get inside and I realize that none of the girls are that cute.  We end up outside having a smoke.  I try to open a few girls by sitting next to them, but we get zero love.  I can’t get more than a grunt out of girls here.  Two girls on the other side start pointing at Oc.  I engage them and find out they are talking about girl medical issues….I accelerate and get one sitting next to me.  She looks like a bird.  Chat chat chat.

They invite us to come dance with them.  We say we’ll be inside in a bit.  We bounce around and can’t get any sets opened.  Then these two girls come outside for a smoke.  I get Oc to ask them for a light.  No one is responding to me.  He almost gets them to come over and give us one.  We start talking to them.  Holy crap one of them is so beautiful.  He nickname is Kate Moss and I can see why.  The other girl tells me about her dragon tattoo right above her vagine.  Talk about a dream set.  One beautiful and one kinky.

We chat to them for a long time.  There is a third one that Oc is keeping busy.  It’s a true shame.  One extra.  I am chatting to these two for a while.  They are so cute.  We have some really good dialog and they invite us into dance.  We say we’ll be inside in a bit and develop a game plan.  It’s really smooth.  We both are worried that we will have a repeat of last night, as soon as we walk up the girls will walk away.  Or run away.

We go inside and drop some shapes near the edge of the dance floor.  Two girls are grinding on each other near us trying to get a ton of attention.  One even grabs my tie.  We don’t even bother reacting.  I just can’t be drawn into their game.  Plus the last two girls were so much cuter.  We just can’t find our girls on the dancefloor.  Finally we decide to go searching.

We find them near the back.  They are super cool and love our shapes.  We all get some drinks and chat etc.  It’s all really cool.  At one point the two cuties wanna go smoke and me and Oc are about to go with them.  The 3rd girl says something really amazing that made us stop in our tracks.  “I know I’m not as cute as my friends but please stay with me.”  She didn’t wanna stay watching the drinks all alone.

I really respect when people are real.  So we danced and chilled with her etc.  It was cool.  The other girls back and we keep on having a good time.  Somehow October and I really can’t tell what’s going on.  We keep on dancing and just having a cool time.  I facebook close the beautiful one.  Me and Oc go outside for a smoke and we end up next to a ton of people having a fight.  We have to wait ages to get outside.  Then a huge swarm of people are fighting in the street.

A girl comes over to talk to the two of us and stay away from the fight.  One of her friends is really cute.  So we are trying to get them all to join us.  The cops roll up and it’s a whole situation.  The club closes.  We manage to get back in to look for the girls.  We run into them at the top of the stairs and we all decide to hit another club.

October gets us into one where he used to work and the girls are super impressed.  It’s just a cool night.  More dancing etc.  More stuff happened but I’m tired of typing.  He got the dragon vagina girl’s number and then eventually they jump in a taxi.  I think we should have tried to get them to October’s house but we didn’t try enough maybe.  Hard to be sure.  There was just one extra girl and there were zero sexual vibes.

Hopefully we will connect with these girls again.  I’m hoping the beautiful girl comes down to London to party soon.  Either way it was really amazing.  I am definitely going to spend some more time in Cambridge.

I was sitting at home after my night in the brothel and hitting Movida with gsand. I was thinking about how sick I am of finishing my bastard dissertation and I was like fuck it. So I called October and was like I’m thinking of coming to Cambridge to see whats up. 2 hours later I was on the train with my little eee pc. I worked on my diss like crazy.

We chilled at his house for like 2 hours or something then headed into town. I ended up meeting the whole Cambridge lair. It was like I have heard about other lairs. The guys stood in a circle all night without doing any sets. At one point I did get a guy to open a set. He ended up pointing at me at some point, which I saw coming. I came over and instantly the friend liked me. I don’t know what that dude said but her friend suddenly was like we have to leave NOW.

But that was later in the night. At first I was just standing in a circle with these dudes. They were like ok guys I guess. Only one guy all night asked me a question. I was really surprised. I mean considering people pay me good money for instruction in London I thought these dudes would take advantage of my knowledge or at least ask me about meeting Sinn or something. But nope. I dunno I doubt it’s that I’m intimidating.

After a bit I grabbed October to hit the bar. I was like bro we gotta get opening. First thing I learned in Cambridge. I cannot open in this town. My normal openers were bouncing off concrete. It was really weird. I have a lot more respect for October’s success now. This is honestly a tough town to game in. the thing is, I think a lot of guys use that as an excuse. I was like dudes I just gotta figure this place out and adapt.

The students are still out of town so it was seriously chavvy. And you know I like chav girls. The thing is they have so much attitude. Its always opposite date with them. Like the prefer a poor angry dude to a rich smooth guy. It’s just about adaptation though. Not complaining. As you will see when we get to night two.

To get pumped October and I started throwing some serious shapes near the front door of the bar. We do it about ten minutes and bounce around the bar. No sets are sticking and then at one point this girl eye fucks the shit out of me. She actually stops October. To be honest I assumed she was eyefucking him. He was close enough that I couldn’t be sure and I just assume he’s cuter than me. These two girls loved our shapes.

So we sit down and start talking to them. I spend about an hour in set I think. Chatting about this and that. The girls are really interesting and tell us how we dont fit in this bar. We seem to emo. That’s what happens when I borrow October’s hair products!! his girl was not nearly as cute as mine. But he put in some serious effort. I gotta say that October is def one of the best wings in the UK. Maybe the world.

I take my girl to the bar to get the next round of drinks. It takes ages. I open this really cute chav girl behind me and it bounces off. She is actually aggressive with me. Chav girls just don’t see reality the same way. So I am back chatting to my girl. She is cute but not amazing to be totally honest. Rather than meander with longass details, we chatted to them, facebook close, number close and then eventually split up with the possibility of seeing them in a club later.

We run back into the lair guys. They still aren’t talking to girls. I think the element that is missing is that they don’t push each other. That’s what wings really have to do. It’s more important to me to push October into set. Because then he will push me. We had a good rhythm of alternating going though.

Oh shit. I forgot my first set. I see 2 girls. Both wretched and I’m like Oc lets warm up on them. They have 2 wine bottles and 2 giant vodkas. Turns out they were more beautiful on the outside than on the inside. The super fat one says ‘make yourself useful!’ and has me carry one of her bottles to another table for her. I did it because I wanted to write about it here. It was so funny. It just shows if you believe hard enough anything is possible. Normally I would have never talked to a girl so gross and I would have just walked away from someone who tries to get me to carry her shit like a monkey. But I really wanted to see how it would play out.

Ok back to the present. October and I are upstairs. We see two girls that I can only describe as insanely beautiful. We are bitching about who is going to open. And the girls come over to bum a cigarette. I’m like thank you god!!!

I talk to my girl for 30 minutes. She is super close ot my face. She is so beautiful. I def snapped a pic together later. The set went super well and me and oc both thought it was on. The girls invite us to see them later at a different club and we are like maybe.

We walk around the club and all the girls are gone. So we decide to try some other clubs. We hit three different clubs and get into 2 of them for free somehow. I was wearing trainers but somehow I got away with it. Wicked.

In one club we see the really cute girls. They see us walk by and run over to say hi. It seems so on. We go grab a coupla drinks and walk over to them. Suddenly something is off. We have no idea what. The girls just don’t talk to us and walk right out of the club. We have no idea what the fuck just happened.

I still have no idea. I had a number of one girl from the group and a facebook of the girl I really liked. Needless to say my text the next day got no love. And no facebook add either. But seriously. Normally when I fuck up I have a clue. But me and October still dont know.

So we hit another club because there are no girls in this one. We see the first set of the night. The two girls who stopped us because they loved our shapes. They see us and actually leave the club too. What the shit?

We are beyond baffled. Our stock suddenly crashed. So we keep on trying with new girls. At one point October is outside and talking to these two girls. I walk up and they instantly run away. I was like damn dude. Maybe it’s me?

We still aren’t sure. Actually maybe he is at home right now flaming me on his blog. Haha. On the way home we realize that we didn’t successfully open a single set all night. Our sets all opened us. Even the two girls that ran away from me had come up to him to bum a cigarette.

I nearly head back to London for a date with a new girl, but move it to Sunday. We decide to come out in our dress up duds instead of our cool guy outfits. Aka button down shirt and tie for me and vest for him (American vest, can’t remember the stupid uk word right now). Lets just say we had a much better night Saturday.