How to Send the Perfect 1st Text After You Get a Woman’s Number

This is a guest post from Jordan Harbinger, a friend and fellow dating coach over at The Art of Charm.

Here’s My Process For Following Up With A Woman After I Get Her Number

You aren’t the only guy going after the girls you’re interested in.

While that statement is exceptionally simple, it is also crucial to keep in mind if your goal is dating your ultimate woman.

Why?

Because chances are she’s giving out her number on a regular basis and, as a result, you need to maintain (or build) her attraction in you EVERY step of the interaction.

You did yourself well in getting her number, but if you want to actually date her, it’s what you after you receive her number that sets you apart enough to make her want to date you.

In this post, I’m going to show you how I do that with my first text. You’re going to learn how to solidify her attraction and consistently turn your numbers into actual dates. There are just a few key principles you need to know and they are very easy to learn.

You see, a lot of guys can get a girl’s number, but what often happens is they get so excited about pulling numbers… that they give little thought to what to do with them.

(I’m going to avoid the debate of calling versus texting for now, but what you should know is texting is better during these early stages. Not only is it becoming the de facto way to communicate (especially with people you just met), but it’s lower pressure for her, lets her respond when she has the time, and vastly increases YOUR chances of hearing back from her.)

So let’s talk about how to nail that first text, so you can maintain (or grow) her attraction in you and move closer to that first date.

What Your 1st Text Subconsciously Tells Her About You

Though you are only sending 1-3 lines of text, you are giving off (often unconsciously) signals that tell her a lot about what type of guy you are.

For example:

1. Is meeting women a typical behavior for you?
2. Do you have high Social Value?
3. Are you easily manipulated or do you have a strong sense of personal identity?
4. What kind of personality do you have? Will you be able to excite her and make her laugh? Or are you boring like every other guy?
5. Are you needy or do you have other things going on in your life?

These are just a few of the things she will subconsciously pick up from your text messages… and they impact her decision of whether or not she’ll want to move forward with the relationship.

This may seem like a lot pressure to cram on a few lines of text, but once you incorporate these principles into your text game you will naturally give off the right signals.

To begin, we need to look at why most guys don’t get this right.

First Text No-No’s

For many guys the first text is a stressful, agonizing experience. You sit there wracking your brain for hours to come up with the perfect zinger to send… but then end up with something brilliant like:

• Hey what’s up?
• Hey cutie, it was nice meeting you last night. Want to hang out tonight?
• How is your day going?
• What are you up to?
• Do you remember me? -{your name}
• Hey it’s {name} from the bar/party/club last night. What’s up?

These types of texts are typical and THAT’S WHY they’re boring.

Instead of setting you apart, they lump you right into the “lame/boring” category with every other guy.

Not only are they completely devoid of emotional impact, but they kill any initial attraction you built up with her when you got her number in the first place.

What A 1st Text SHOULD Do

How do you write a 1st text that sets you apart and makes her excited to text you back? There are three essential ingredients I’ve found you need:

1. It needs to set a fun, playful tone for future interactions
2. It needs to engage her emotions, causing her to re-affirm her attraction to you
3. It needs to compel her to respond

If you can accomplish all of these in your first text, odds are she will not only respond positively, but will be much more willing to move forward with you.

Let’s take a look how to each element works and how to incorporate them together in your first text.

1. Setting a Fun, Playful Tone

This may sound crazy at first, but fourth-grade humor should be the underlying theme for most of your text messages, including the initial interaction. (This stems from the larger point of your overall successful text strategy, but that is too big for one article. You can learn more about that here.)

Light-hearted, super-silly jokes win women over because they get her constantly associating positive and playful emotions with you.

You can accomplish this by using a variety of tools: nicknames, role-playing, teasing, etc. Plus, always remember that the way you word things has a dramatic effect on how it is perceived, like “dancing” vs “bust-a-move.”

2. Engaging Her Emotions and Re-affirming Attraction

The most powerful and important element of your first text is engaging her emotions.

The primary goal of your initial texts should be helping her re-experience the feelings of attraction you created when you got her number. You want to continue with whatever you did to make her attracted in the first place…

… and the easiest way to do so is by referencing a topic from your past conversation.

This will cause her to recall her time with you and to feel those same emotions she felt at that point – the very emotions that were the foundation of her attraction to you (and you to her as well).

The last thing you want is to have to start back at Square One and re-build positive emotions in her. Instead, pick up where you left off and you’ll be able to move your relationship along much quicker.

3. Compelling Her to Respond

How do you compel attractive women to consistently respond to your first texts? The same way you get anyone to respond: by asking a question or making a statement that requires more info.

Now here’s the catch: you can’t just pop her any old question or statement… otherwise, Hey what’s up? would be effective. What kind of question do you ask? Simply take a basic question and re-word it so it becomes fun and playful.

Example:

What’s up? becomes What kind of mischief are you causing today?

Here’s another example that would require additional information: I just figured out what you would be if you were an animal. If she wants to know the answer she has to text you back.

The secret is to make the statement about her personally. Nothing makes a person more curious than what someone else thinks about them.

What an Effective First Text Looks Like

Imagine that during your conversation she told you how she used to always go to the zoo to see the penguins. She was obsessed with them and went to bed every night until she was twelve with her stuffed penguin, Chilly Willy.

When it comes time to text her, you can now draw from that story to not only show that you listened (good job), but more importantly, to evoke all those emotions again.

Next you compel her to respond by adding a question or statement that requires more information.

You then set a fun and playful tone not only by the way you word your text, but by adding in things like nicknames, role-playing, teasing, etc.

If you put it all together it would look something like this:

Hey my little penguin princess, what kind of mischief are you causing today!?

Or

Hey my little penguin princess, I just realized which celebrity you remind me of.. crazy crazy

As brief and silly as these messages seem, they accomplish a lot:

• They cause her to recall the positive feelings she had when sharing that story with you, re-affirming her attraction to you.
• They also demonstrate that you are not like every other guy and compel her to respond in a playful way.

This puts her guard down and sets the tone for a successful interaction. The first example even lets you know what her plans are for the day… and you can then use this information to move the conversation forward and perhaps even plan a meet up. Not bad for a few lines of text.

As you begin using this system, you should know that while the exact words you use are pretty important, the main thing to worry about right now is following the 3 principles I just laid out (and I KNOW they work because I’ve been using them successfully myself for quite some time now).

And that’s part of the beauty of it: you no longer need to stress over what to say.

Next time you get a number, you just need to remember these 3 principles as you recall the interaction and you’ll naturally know how to follow up with her.

It’s OK if it feels weird the first time you try it — it’s something new. But remember, if you aren’t happy with the results you’re getting right now, the only way to change that is to change what you’re doing.

So give it a shot and allow yourself the opportunity to see what happens. What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the *best* that could happen?

I’ll finish with one last note: if you are still following a 3-day or any other kind of rule about how long to wait until you send the first text, cut it out already!

The feeling of attraction is fleeting, so you have to strike while the iron is hot.

Don’t give her time for the memory of you to fade away… or, even worse, get replaced by another guy. You should almost always text a girl within hours of getting her number, and never later than the next day.

And if you want to learn even more texting strategies, you can get my new guide right here totally free. You’ll get a thorough, step-by-step system for consistently turning phone numbers into awesome dates. And if you’re like most guys, it will start giving you results tonight already. Check it out here.

First Contact

I met this girl almost two months ago at a big NLP seminar. The talk was about the economy and basically said that the solution to the crisis is to think positive thoughts. Not exactly helpful if you’ve been canned, but fine if you haven’t. I saw a really cute girl there working the bookshop and it took me AGES to get up the courage to talk to her. Jamie saw me checking her out and was like dude go for it. So I roll up and drop some of my favorite hilarious jokes to warm her up. The other woman working there keeps joining the conversation, but I just control the conversation as much as I can. Suddenly, the talk is starting so our chat gets put on pause.

Afterwards there is a huge damn crowd jostling to buy books, so I just have to bide my time. I spent the whole talk taking sureptitios looks at this girl. Finally, she is sitting down alone to eat. I walk over and chat some more to see if she’s really nice and cool and interesting. She is all three so I ask for her number. I say let’s get a drink sometime. She is hesitant. I tell her that she can just give me her number and I’ll text her later and she can think about if I’m cute enough etc to reply. She agrees and I text her a few hours later.

The Waiting

She is out of town for six weeks and working on moving to London. We text back and forth several times a week. I was surprised I even heard from her after her hesitancy about giving me her number. It’s hard to maintain anything by text for so long. Normally I fall apart, but with her I just stuck to normal texts about what I’m up to and updates on her move to London. She even texted me a pic once, which my bastard phone did not receive. When she is finally in the city at her new job I set up a date. I was able to not seem needy or creepy because at this point in my life, I am finally neither.

The First Date

We meet up at my usual place. Outside liverpool street station. She is a few minutes late as she came straight from work. I haven’t seen her in 6 weeks, so I am trying to remember what she looks like. I get a text saying she is there, but no answer when I call. I see a pretty blonde talking on the phone and my first thought is, ‘that can’t be her, she’s too pretty.’ It’s kind of funny in retrospect. I later told her this thought during our date. I seem to take every girl and every student on the same path. Basically around to my favorite bars. Actually, we stopped at the bar before my usual, as it is finally open for summer. We grabbed a couple of glasses of wine and just started chatting. It was really nice. She brings up that she has just read the game and how she would love to see those guys in action. I tell her that Herbal crashed at my house the previous weekend and she was dutifully impressed. I am pretty open about my work etc. We talk about how we both like to get major drunk. How it sucks she has to work the next morning etc. As it gets cooler out, we move inside the bar to sit on the couch and chat more. She gets the second round, which I really think is great. I just feel comfortable and normal around her. I am able to act like I don’t need anything from her, which is a place I have been trying to get to for a long time. At one point she goes to the bathroom and is gone for like 15 minutes. I think she has escaped. Ha! Just my luck. It was just a phone call from a potential house mate. She begs off hitting another bar as she has to travel an hour to the place she is staying and has to get up at 630 in the morning. That is WAY to early if you ask me. On the walk home I go for the kiss but she pulls back. She says she doesn’t kiss til the 3rd date. Grrrr. Doesn’t she know who I am! People on the internet look up to m! I walk her to her train and catch mine home. I wonder if she didn’t kiss me because she hates me or because she thinks I’m boyfriend material. EDIT 1 – I didn’t get a reply to either of my texts to her all weekend, so I just assumed it was over. I wasn’t even that upset. At least I don’t get emotionally attached to people I haven’t even kissed. EDIT 2 – She left her phone somewhere and started texting me on Tuesday. We are going out for our 2nd date next Tuesday. Yay!

A few weeks ago I started chatting to a new girl I met on facebook.  She liked my pic and I liked hers.  We chatted a bit and moved on to texting.  I got her to send me a few cute pics on my phone and we tried to arrange a date.  Logistics kept us apart and I went to Mexico.  She was going to come to London this Sunday to hit the markets near my house and of course I’m into that!  Then on Thursday she has a massive asthma attack and spends the day in hospital.  She is too weak to risk the hour drive from her small town to the city and there is work on the train lines, making the trip into the city almost 3 hours.

I had a choice.  I could let her cancel the date and not see her for two more weeks or I could do something I don’t normally do.  I am really trying to do things that I don’t normally do.  So I decided to jump on a train and a bus and visit her.  I was able to write a chapter for my new book on the journey

I get to the station and I jump in her car.  We decide to have a picnic in the park so we grab some food from a supermarket and go there.  We don’t have a blanket to lie on, just a jumper.  The park is pretty empty, but not nearly empty enough.  We have a conversation and end up talking a little bit about my work etc.

I pretty much end up telling every girl what I do.  I tell her about how I’m trying to be super duper honest.  She asks a good question.  How can she actually know I’m really honest.  I suggest she ask an innappropriate question.  I anwer honestly.  Hehe.  After a while I just feel like we’re not connecting.  I just feel a distance between us.

A part of me just wanted to go home.  But another part remembered that sometimes you just can’t tell if a girl likes you.  Some girls give nothing away.  I keep trying to escalate both verbally and physically but she is just shrugging me off.  She’s pretty ill and wheezing a bit.  She goes to the bathroom at one point and takes a her purse with her.  I partly thought she wouldn’t come back.

We decide to hit a pub for one drink even though she can’t drink because of her medicine and driving.  It is warmer in there and I’m really just mellow now.  She becomes super animated and really funny.  It’s strange but the heat seemed to release her personality.  It was hard to keep in mind that she was super sick.  After we finish our drinks I’m just so tired and hoping to meet a good mate for dinner in the city.

On the walk to her car I grab her and carry her a little.  She is taller than me and dense.  My spine nearly telescopes.  But she is letting me do it and we’re building up some touch.  She drives me to the station and is about to drop me off out front when I’m like no way.  Pull up a little I’m shy!  So then she pulls deep into the back parking lot.  Cool.  Suddenly there is that huge end of the date awkwardness filling the car.  I can barely breathe.  I try to lock laser eyes and she avoids.

Finally, I give up.  Like a coward.  I finally give up and offer her my cheek.  She is like what the hell are you doing?  I’m like not even a cheek kiss?  Suddenly, I man up.  I grab her by the back of her hair and pull her in.  She tries to push her cheek at me.  I say I don’t think so and spin her mouth to mine.  We make out for a bit and she escalates to tongues.  I like letting that happen so the girl has some responsibility for our escalation.  I almost make her take me back to hers but I don’t quite feel like it’s on.  Plus she is so ill and wheezy that I am afraid sex will kill her.

We have texted a few times since and I think I’ll see her next week.

So I get a text while I’m in mexico from a girl who’s saved in my phone as her first name and the word Essex.  I can’t remember her at all and I find a text from me to her a few weeks earlier mentioning seeing her final tattoo.  It takes me a few days to remember the girl.

I was teaching a 1on1 with a student when we’re in one of my locals and it’s empty.  There is a cute girl and a guy at the table near us.  I’m talking about going direct and as soon as the guy goes to the toilets I strike.  I realize now that I was pretty hammered.

I go direct and end up getting her number and finding out she has a ton of tattoos.  She claimed she wasn’t on a date and we agree to meet up the next day so she can show me her other tattoo.  Hence the text I sent.  When she goes to the bathroom later, I “happen” to run into her down there in the hopes of dragging her into the toilets to bang.  That didn’t work out.

So I meet up with her Friday afternoon for a date and when I see her I’m like, oh crap I was drunk.  She is average looking and has a cheap blond dye job and a bad haircut.  Her fashion is off and I’m like crap what the hell is wrong with me.  Her body is ok.  She’s not uber skinny like I like, but it’s passable.  We go and grab a drink and I just push the kink bc I’m like fuck it.

We talk a ton about sex and it turns out she’s one hell of a slut.  She’s 22 and has no idea how many guys she’s fucked but it’s nearish 100.  I don’t really care.  We play the questions game and basically there is nothing interesting about her.  She has no passions, hobbies or interests besides shopping.  Her totall existance can be summed up in a chart somewhere as a statistic of commercial activity.  How depressing.

So I throw down a coupla glasses of wine and keep telling her we should just go back to mine to fuck.  It’s pretty clear that she only fucks when she’s drunk and I don’t feel like pouring 10 WKDs down her throat you know?  She tells me how she had another one night stand the night before.  She even let him come on her face.  I really didn’t care.

She has to go back home to have a birthday dinner with her uncle, but we talk about her coming over after to do drugs and go to a rave.  As we part ways she offers me a cheek kiss.  I nearly punch her.  You must be joking.

I end up going off on a fucked up adventure with my house mate that ends in tears after a terrible curry buffet and some weird freak out on his part.  I’m in bed by 1120pm for the first time in like 10 years and I never hear from the girl again.  I’m not even a little tempted to text her, thank god.

This week I had back to back dates with girls I met while out with my main student.  I went out with three girls and LondonPlayboy to a little talk by the lady that wrote the Art of Conversation.  Now we were trying to play down our skill level, but I accidentally dominated the room before the talk.  I was just super clicking with the girl I liked’s friends.  I was chatting and just being awesome.  The speaker lady read her entire two hour talk.   From 2 feet away from me.  She had a few good points in there, but overall it was like old pua technology.  Stuff from about 15 years ago.  I mean it’s really ok and interesting, but nothing blew my mind.  And most people really only talked about how she read the talk.  She spent time explaining that writing about conversation didn’t mean she had to be good at it.

It was interesting to see the kind of people that go there and I saw a few pretty girls.  Afterwards I escalated the girl I like and tried to get a date off her.  She is polish AND east londony.  So she has a lot of sex appeal to me.  Her friends really like me and LP did a good job of backing me up.  Overall it was a fun night.  I really don’t know if I will get a date with the polish girl.  She is booked up until this sunday, but I’m off to Tunisia then so I am not sure what will happen.

She did text me back today, so at least it’s not a cold number.  Lord knows I get enough of those in my life!  The main thing I learned is that my verbal escalation techniques are really making a difference.  Being honest and pushing is working pretty good.  I think I have more growing to do, but overall I’m happy.

I’ve become pretty disillusioned with lay reports lately.  I think after a certain point every guy in this scene does, or at least he should.  When you’re a beginner you write them to see analyze what went RIGHT for once.  When you’re intermediate you start writing them to see where you could improve.  At some point all the lay reports on my local forum have become about boasting.  I think this is super unhealthy.  I don’t sleep with a girl to impress strangers on the internet or to brag.  It’s about me and her sharing a special beautiful experience.  I started writing this blog with the thought that I would be the only one to ever read it.  That changed when I noticed I was getting hits that weren’t me here.

Either way here is my newest adventure.  I write it here and post it on no public forums.  It is about keeping a record of my journey and rememebering what I have learned along the path.  I do not write this seeking accolades or condemnation.  And I won’t post any pictures because I respect the girls privacy.  (actually yet again my efforts at sex pics were rebuffed!!!)

Allow me to begin my tale.

There is a dusky girl from Cyprus on my course at uni.  She has black hair and dark golden skin.  She is very pretty and mysterious.  I confidently got her number in class last week and tried to get her to leave with me in the middle of a lesson for a drink.  My plan was to make her miss her train back to Brighton, whoops!  Alas she already had plans with some other girl and so I reverted to text game.  I should look through my texts to see exactly what I did, but I mostly ran my normal game via text.  I was confident and I escalated, then I would pull back.  I have learned that getting too sexual with a girl over text, that you haven’t slept with, leads to trouble.  It will usually make her pull away.

Anyways I esclate texts telling her I wish she was over as I would cook her dinner.  I say that she doens’t need to go to the gym her body is already sexy.  Things along this line. Eventually I realize it’s on.  She tells me to come over on wednesday as she has no work on thursday morning.  This is a clear signal!

I get on a train wed and have a crap journey as someone has died on the tracks.  So all trains are hours late etc.  I finally see her at the train station and I grab her hand and start leading her.  I don’t even know where we are going but I am on a super alpha kick.  Trying to find the leadership wall.  Around the corner I throw her against a wall and shove my tongue in her mouth.  We start walking and she tells me that she’s not allowed to have guests in her house or even to drink there.  She lives with a gay religious couple.  And her gay cousin and his bf.  It sounds like the house that hates heteros and fun.  So she has taken the liberty of renting a room in a little hotel.  Five minutes later I’m inside of her. I don’t ask.  I just lead.  Assume.  Take.

We spend the night in heated passion.  We finally stop around twelve hours later when her legs, vagina and neck are all too sore to continue.  Along the way I learned a few things so I will continue my sordid tale.  She was texting me all day and sent me one text asking me to define love.  I refused and said it’s got nothing to do with us.  She replied by saying it’s two birds in a cage.  This almost freaked me out enough to get me off my train.  I mean I do not want a girl to cage me.  What a horrible metaphor.  After our first session in bed, she started a sentence by saying “if we break up…”  I had to throw her off me.

The old me would have fallen into the prison of her frame.  Of course two weeks later I would resent her so much for trapping me that I would dump her.  I used to promise anything to a girl in bed.  Then I would hate her for “tricking” me by asking then.  So I restated my position that Sheriff taught me.  I date multiple girls until I develop more feelings for one.  I don’t think true love can develop in a vacuum.  Etc.  She accepted my position.  I was very clear.  I know exaclty why I can’t have her as my gf as well.  She smokes and she is too chubby for me.  But Sheriff would love this girl.  She is just at the chubby end of skinny and soft skin.  And her face is insane.  Esp in the half light…

So we went to dinner.  Thai.  It was so good.  Reminded me of my Thai lover of a few years ago.  On the way back I tell her that I think I will take the train back.  I don’t want to spend the night in her arms.  I know I will wake up in the middle of the night trapped in a hotel room with nothing to do.  And that’s what happened.  But really I tell her I think she will develop love feelings for me.  Sleeping in the same bed = great rapport.  Hey I know I’m doing EXACTLY what the Mouse did to me a few weeks ago.  So yes I am learning.

She promises that she won’t fall in love and will accept my relationship frame.  She kept dropping little jokes tho along the way.  So I had to keep breaking rapport.  However, I think this will increase her feelings for me.  I should have done like 5.0 does and pushed her off me right after sex to separate her post-coital love chemical feelings from me as much as possible.  Oh well.  I tried some new sex stuff.  Yet again no pictures or anal, but I did try.  She said just one finger hurt.  Damn!  I was hyper dominant and spent the whole night moving her head and pulling her hair.  I used to think this kinda stuff was dispespectful.  But at one point she told me she loved it.  So keep pushing the envelope.  It turns out that the world isn’t flat after all.

I have been working my way through two projects this month and both are really affecting me.  I am doing psycho-cybernetics and I’m watching the Blueprint.  They are really helping me to transform myself internally.  Things are a little Rocky with the Mouse.  Even though I dodged her attempts at a breakup kinda thing, she has gone flakey on me.  I am learning and realizing that I am still not the man I want to be.  I need to feel actualize myself before I start girlfriend hunting.  Aslo trying to fill the position of girlfriend is a form of neediness.  I have a lot more growth I want to accomplish.  My experience with her was amazing but already my feelings are starting to dwindle.  I think it’s more a lack of seeing her than anything else.  My life is so filled with attractive women that I need to be in a girl’s presence frequently for my attraction switch to stay turned on.  In my heart she is slipping into stasis.  I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  It simply is what I’m going through.  I need to tighten up my inner game to the next level and become the man I fully want to be without thinking a girlfriend can fill a gap in me.

Sometimes I have this thought – If i’m such a master pickup artist, how come I can’t keep/get a girlfriend?  Really the skills I’ve spent the last year honing have been about attraction and seduction.  Not about finding a relationship.  That is the next challenge and I’ve just started dealing with it.  The truth is that there is nothing I did wrong with the Mouse, she just isn’t in a relationship place right now.  Some people might say that my value isn’t high enough etc.  But I really don’t feel that when I analyze my situation objectively.  Either way I’m back in a place where I want to draw new girls into my life again.  The only problem is that the Mouse reset my standards.  Now a girl has to be as cool and badass as her to draw me in.  Most girls I meet are annoying.  I had no idea I would ever get to this place, but I disqualify girls so fast these days.  I met a beautiful Korean girl Sunday night and she has already annoyed the hell out of me.  She is texting me every day but I just can’t be bothered to try and build comfort and get a date off of her.  I just have no interest in someone that is boring.

There is also a part of me that thinks I should pursue the Mouse.  I mean I’m away this weekend and she’s away next weekend.  I might not see her for two weeks or something.  Now when I mention meeting up, she is always talking about schoolwork.  That is a sign of my value dropping.  I am just not sure what path to take.  I have all these amazing things coming up in my life.  I’m snowboarding in Austria with FreedomOfSpeech on Friday and we are staying with some really beautiful girls there including an F1 model I met in the Fall.  I am going to see my favorite DJ in the world with him next Friday.  I am going to my first Torture Garden on Valentine’s day with LondonPlayboy.  I am going to Cancun next month with a ton of my pickup heroes and friends.

But really my sense of self shouldn’t come from outside.  I need to have core value.  To be one with myself.  To realize that I am awesome.  I am really close to this epiphane.  I love my own company.  I haven’t spoken to a single person all day and I haven’t been bored for a single moment.  I am in the middle of my journey, but it is far from over.  Girls are only a small part of it.  I am setting up my goals for the year and so far things are looking really good.  I am me and I need to accept that.  Be one with it.

This all happened about a week ago.   So it’s not as super detailed as usual I guess.  Sorry.

So I was out and about with a student at a local VIP club on a wednesday night.  I was there with a really sexy pivot as well and it was a chill night.  I ran into Beckster and Mystel and we ended up chilling with their crew and joining their table for a bit.  Those guys are really cool and I’ve been spending more time with them lately.  So my student starts talking to one girl and I start talking to her friend.  I chat and chat.  Normal fluff talk for me.  Found out she’s from Brighton and talked about how much I loved it last New Years Eve.  My student leaves the set and I see him open a new one, so I stay here where I can see him.

I start vibing off his original target as she’s way cuter and for some reason I’m drawn to her.  I make a joke about how we’re a family and the girl in between us can be our daughter.  She’s like if that’s the case, we got a problem bc I’m fucking your daughter.  I was like what?  I discover that they are a lesbian couple.  I realize that this girl super reminds me of my hero Shane.  And I wanna bang her.  I get a number off the friend and go around the club to chat some more and dance with my pivot.  We are having a cool time and my student is doing well.

Later on I find Shane alone.  We are chatting and looking for my pivot and her girl.  I tell her that I know she’s gay but I want to fuck her. She number closes me.  Safe.  Other stuff happened that night, but this is the focus!

She texts me on Sunday and it’s so alpha.  It’s really funny to get pursued.  She sends a ton of IOIs, including thinking that girls are all drama and she should consider going bi.  Needless to say I am digging on it.  I call her monday and we meet up about an hour later.  I just walk her around and we have a really sexual chat.  And suddenly, hey we’re next to my house!  Let’s sit for a minute.

Now we are sitting on my couch in the dark drinking beers at 1pm on a Monday.  We chat and I verbally escalate.  Tell her I think she’s sexy.  Normally I have massive escalation anxiety, but I am just facing it down today I guess.  I try to escalate physically too.  I have my arms around her and snuggling is no problem.  But she just won’t kiss me.  She tells me that she thinks I just see her as a challenge.  We chill for a while and then she has to go somewhere and I gotta go to work.

We have texted a few times since then, but she’s outa town for a month now.

What I did wrong – Total lack of comfort.  I talked too much and didn’t listen enough.  Exaclty what Soul has been telling me.

So for our last night in Sweden and Max birthday, we decided to hit up the only cool club in Stockholm on a Sunday Night.  Cafe Opera.  We accidentally get there too early.  Everyone is drunk from drinking a bag of wine on the way to the club, except for me.  It looked to much like a colostomy bag for me….

So we go to another bar and just chill out.  NLP joins us and we just chat a bit.  There aren’t any cute girls around, so we don’t have to stress over anything.  I still feel invincible for breaking through my barriers the night before.  Beeballer and I go outside and he opens a nice little group of four girls.  Nothing spectacular.  Turns out the obstacle studies at the university where I want to teach next year, so I get her number and she promises to show me around on Monday.  Then we run outa there, but she texts me 2 or 3 times that night.  Monday she never texts back.  Se la vi.

Then we head out to Cafe Opera.  There are a couple of beautiful girls in there and a VIP area in the middle of the room filled with try hards.  We start opening sets and talking to girls.  My first set goes ok with Beeballer.  They go to the bathroom and say they will grab us before they go out to smoke.  They come back around but Beeballer is talking to new girls.  We lose them or whatever.  Every other girl we talk to is really mean.  It was really surprising.

I know some guys really react well to girls being tough to open, but for me it’s just not worth it.  Every other girl I’ve talked to in Sweden has at least been a really nice girl.  For me the moment a girl is really rude, her value drops through the floor.  So everytime a girl was really rude I just started laughing at her.  I haven’t had so many blowouts in months.  And girls are almost never that rude to me.  I ended up having a really good time.

I danced some and people were staring and it was cool.  It’s great to be to free and just having a good time.

I have had a major inner game breakthrough.  My self confidence is just really high.  I don’t feel a need to impress anybody and I finally realized that I can get anybody I want to.  It’s easy to say, but I finally believe it.

I wake up and I text every girl in my phone, including Tyra.  I just throw it out there.  I don’t mention here leaving or anything.  I just say how cool last night was and I invite her for a coffee.  She texts back that she should never have left the first club.  And tells me it’s father’s day can we meet for a coffee on Monday and begs me to add her on facebook.  At this point I’d like to ask all my creepy friends not to add her and stuff.  HA!!  We text back and forth a few times, but on Monday I text her twice and get no reply.  I will just use facebook to build comfort and see what happens when she comes to London.  It’s about the journey.

Anyways we text back and forth a few times.  Then Monday she totally flakes.  Of course by then I don’t care.