The Story of my Oneitis

I fell in love with a stunning girl when I was living in Japan.  We were best friends and spent 6 days a week together.  She had a long distance relationship with a guy who I can only describe as one of he great losers of our generation.  He was an “actor” who had a single line in a video game that tanked.  He once told her that he would be happy if he was homeless but he only worked because he knew how greedy she was.

I was so weak that I couldn’t compete with this guy.  Imagine that.

We hung out all the time and I did EVERYTHING for her.  I paid for everything.  Took her out all the time.  Cooked all the time.

After six months we finally smashed on Valentine’s day.  It was cool.  Of course she made me promise to keep it a secret.  So everyone around us continued to think of me as a loser who was in love with his best friend and getting nowhere.  But in reality I was a loser who was in love with his best friend who was getting laid about once a month.  I had a bad case of oneitis.  There is no other way to say it.

I have so many vidoes and pictures of us hanging out all the time.  Over 5,000 pictures.  That’s right.  So believe me I know what it’s like to be at the other end of the spectrum.  In one of my videos I straight up ask my oneitis if she is banging a certain dude.  She tells me no.  I have it on tape.  How intense is that.  Wait and see!

One day she tells me she is starting to have feelings for this dude.  I totally freak out because I am so emotionally invested in her.  I am like you guys hang out sometimes, is there more going on?  Again she says no.  He lives so far away sometimes I drive her to chill at his for an afternoon.  Since she just has some feelings I guess it’s no big deal.  I mean I threw a tantrum like a baby.  I can’t lie to you.  I was such a bitch.  I think I threw her out of my apartment.

A few days later I call her and her phone picks up.  I hear a familiar sound.  I can’t hang up.  For 11 minutes I listen to her smash this other dude.

Turns out that she had been smashing him for a while.  Even now I’m 100% sure I don’t know the real truth.  Was she banging him the first time I asked months earlier and she said no?  No  way to know.

She broke up with her long distance boyfriend for this dude.  She was supposed to move back to America but she was willing to stay in Japan for this dude.  He told her not to bother.  One day he came up to me while she was out of town and wanted to be friends.  He talked about how she was a liar and a slut and we should be friends.  This chick was my best friend dudes.

This was almost 5 years ago and I am getting emotional writing about this right now.

I of course told her went down and she made me promise not to fight the guy for hating on her.  This between me and her were so strange.  She was back in my small village for a week before leaving Japan forever and we spent the week banging like champions.  In bed we are electric together.

The truth is that I can only tell you less than 1% of the story  here as it’s so convoluted and detailed.  I will tell you that that low point was when I told her “It doesn’t matter who you bang, I will always love you.”

If you aren’t cringing right now, I’m not sure you have been reading my blog enough!

The Inspiration for Change

I stayed in Japan another year.  The ghosts of her were everywhere though.  So when my time was up I couldn’t live in America.  I couldn’t be in the same country as her.  That’s how deep it was dudes.  I would love to pretend that I’ve always been a Jedi Pickup Artist but it ain’t true.  I am a creation of my own will.

I decided to move to London.  I of course couldn’t resist and spend a weekend in New York City with my best friend and met up with her for an afternoon.  If you ever read my posts where I am brutal to guys who are in love with their best friends it’s because of this day.  She already had a new boyfriend.  She’s one of those girls who’s perpetually in a relationship.  She can’t be alone.

I was so weak and I almost cried a ton.  I was the most beta guy on the planet that day.  I wish some other dude had come and kicked me out of orbit.

So I moved to London and I was so brokenhearted.  Distance did help and I finally stopped emailing her all the time.  Six months later I read The Game by Neil Strauss.  I read it in a single day.  It blew my mind.  If you ever wonder why I became such a legendary pickup artist so fast.  My pain was the fuel and this book was the engine.

That night was Christmas Eve and I was talking to her on the phone.  She mentioned how the dude might be moving to New York and he’d been by her apartment.  I realized in that moment what I was.  I was a worm.  I had created my own destiny.  But I was still a worm.  She hadn’t invited me to her apartment when I was visiting.

So I cut off all communications with her for years.  I focused on becoming the man I always dreamed of.  And the truth is she probably didn’t even notice that I wasn’t emailing her.  Was I cured?

Phase Three: Can You Get Your Oneitis Back?

This is a real truth about guys who read books and articles and blogs about meeting women.  And there is a 90% chance that it directly relates to you as you are reading this right now.  And most guys I know who are really big dating coaches will deny it to their graves.  But really most of us had the plan to become master pickup artists and then go back and make our Oneitis fall back in love with us.  I was just talking to Rob Judge about this the other week.  Might be why this topic is on my mind.

So a few months ago I was in Hawaii living my dreams and my oneitis popped onto skype.  It was so weird.  I hadn’t seen her online in like 3 years.  Within 30 minutes we were on the phone talking dirty as hell and I was badgering the witness.  I admit it.  She still really knows how to fire up my motor in a major way.

Turns out she just moved in with her new boyfriend but she was coming to Hawaii a few weeks after I was leaving.  She asked me to stay around and see her.  I could have.  But we definitely would have banged and I didn’t want to ruin another one of her relationships.  Even after all this time I still want the best for her.

We have been texting on and off for the last few months.  I’m going to be in New York very soon for a speaking engagement and so I was planning on seeing her and who knows.  She already broke up with that boyfriend.  So this was the first time we were ever talking when she was single.

I don’t want to go into too much detail since this all happened in the last few months and it’s recent history etc.  But the things I’ve learned is that people really don’t change.  She is 100% the same girl I knew 5 years ago.  She still plays the same games.  She still has the same issues.  She still knows how to break my heart without feeling anything.

Now I have changed a LOT since the last go round.  This time I was texting her while texting a hot lesbian in Nashville AND a hot lesbian in DC.  So the power dynamic has changed.  The games don’t hurt me.

The main reason I even put up with this is that at my heart I am a scientist and I love to see how experiements play out so I can report back to all you guys.  And my conclusion is this dudes.  Don’t go back.  You need to only look forward.  As much history as I have with this girl it just ain’t worth it.

But I can tell you write now that she will email or text or skype me sometime in the next few months.  And I will be tempted.  But I know my brothers will stop me from poisoning myself.

So please.  Try to stay cured of Oneitis.

This is probably the best movie for people in the scene.  It is simply amazing.  It really shows the way a guy can interact with his oneitis, the way he controls her without realizing it, the ways to escape your past and the power of friendship.

I hate the title of this movie and that kept me from watching it for a long time.  It is designed to catch the attention of teenage girls and I believe that is the intended audience for the movie, but the film is simply awesome.  I am not going to break down the plot there.  The truth is you will either trust me and watch this movie or not.  It still blows my mind how many guys want to get good with women, yet refuse to watch The L Word.  I have been screaming the name of that show for a full year now.  I bet you haven’t watched a single episode have you?  I don’t think anyone should be allowed to complain about escalation until they have watched at least 3 seasons.  It’s simply necessary.

But this movie is amazing at showing the power friendship can play in social dynamics.  The sweetness of this movie is really inspiring.  If you want to really understand how relationships blossom in a dynamic way, watch this movie.  It is really powerful and moving.  You will learn a lot about all of the other prerequisites of game too, don’t worry.  It has a ton of frame control, shit tests and locational comfort.

Like I said, I watched this movie for the 2nd time last night.  There is about 20 minutes I would like to cut out of the movie, as one character is just really annoying to me.  But I skip through her  scenes and it’s fine now.  I think the most powerful lesson comes from the last lines of the movie.  The girl says “Are you sad that we missed it?” and the boy responds with “We didn’t miss it.  This IS it.”

He is so right.  Often we are so unable to live in the moment as we focus on what isn’t happening in our lives.  Concerts are awesome.  I love them.  I go all the time.  What is really important is the emotions we share and the impact we have on the world.  I recommended this movie on the London forum recently.  Something tells me a lot of guys are missing this amazing movie.  And that is a shame.  Because this is it.

So Sunday my friend was going to meet an old friend of his from years ago for a drink while she was in town.  She’s been sick and away for ages.  Friday night he spet a good deal of time defaming me on the phone and pre-framing my career as a dating coach.  Since I loves me a challenge, I decided to some along.  She’s a nice enough girl and I am trying to turn her into a rave buddy.  I need more of those, as I only have 3 right now and that is simply not enough.

So we are supposed to meet her in central, right near the watch shop I want to go to.  My friend also need to get a new watch battery, so it’s perfect for both of us.  As we are waiting at the bus stop, she calls him and he is there looking at the night bus map like a moron, looking for a tube station that doesn’t even exist.  I’m like dude there is one bus from our neighborhood to central.  He ignores me and I get on the bus.  He just watches it drive off.  I get off after one stop.  He has to walk to where I am anyways, at the bus station.  It’s really interesting to observe someone who can’t think when he is being ordered around by a woman that he’s not even dating.  It’s really darkly fascinating.  This is when I decided to spend the day just seeing how he actually lives.  I learned so much.

She has decided to change the location to a deeply different part of hte city and it will take us nearly an hour to get there.  He just listens meekly on the phone and obeys.  He is riding her train.  Big time.  I try to say something, but he feels just lucky that she’ll let him see her at all.  So we ride a bus through hell.  I saw parts of this city I don’t expect to see again until Judgement Day.  Only a Terminator chasing me will get me to this neighborhood again.

So we finally get off the bus in the area she said.  He has no idea where to go next.  I’m like why don’t you call her to find out where we are actually meeting her.  So he texts her because he doesn’t want to disturb her.  Now this probably reads like I was watching him with disdain.  That’s because I was.  But only a little.  I am the David Attenborough of AFCs.  I’d love to go into detail about some of the stuff his gf does, but he would probably kill me.

So finally she calls him and tells him the name of a pub.  While he is talking to her he is walking South.  I’m like why are you walking that way?  He tells me it might be South.  He has no idea how to find the place, since the cross street she told him “technically” doesn’t exist.  I stop him and take over, because I am not turning this into Judgement Night.  I look up the pub in my phone and it’s north of us.  A lot north.  So we walk a while and I find it with my phone GPS.  If I wasn’t afraid of the sun setting on the ghetto, I would have stayed out of it just to see how he would have found the pub.  I honestly have no idea what his plan was.  I think he was going to walk in larger and larger circles.  But I’m only guessing.  Next time I’ll find out.

We finally get to the pub.  Normally I don’t reveal locations very much, but this is the worst pub on planet earth.  The Three Crowns.  I almost punched out the manager.  Rarely do people so successfully fill me with rage.  We walk in and they tell me that I can’t have food.  They stopped serving it 15 minutes ago.  So I have to eat at ghetto KFC and boy was it gross.  You really can taste the difference.  While we’re in there the girl shows up.  Turns out she’s never been here before either.  She picked the location randomly.  Because my friend refused to take any leadership in the situation, we end up in the ghetto.  By random.  I honestly don’t think that he has even figured that out a week later.

So we go into the bar.  Now this girl has had major back surgery and needs to rest it.  Even tho I think she treats my friend a little weakly, I’m not a bastard.  So we try and sit at an empty table.  They tell us you can only sit there if you want food.  We say can we have food.  Of course not.  Now they haven’t been serving for an hour. So we go to the other end of the bar.  We can’t sit here becaue it’s table service only.  Oh and you can’t sit here unless you are eating.  We are in a pub with 10 empty tables all over.  And we’re not allowed to sit.  She was giving the manager hell.  Even now I’m so enraged at someone treating my friend’s friend like this with her injuries that I wanna get on a bus and burn this mother down.  So we can’t sit anywhere.  I want to shatter our drinks on the floor and walk out.  Or punch the guy.

Finally we sneak a table while the ass isn’t looking.  I pointed out that the manager was flexing his small amount of power as an expression of his sexual dissatisfaction with his life.  Guys who are getting laid don’t get off on keeping injured girls standing.  We laugh and feel better.

We chill out for a while and talk about normal stuff, but eventually we talk about game.  Sigh.  Now this girl is a party girl, raver, uses tons of drugs, does modeling work and has had every variation of a 3some from 2 dudes to 3 girls.  Yet, she has a problem with men learning to have better lives.  I find it fascinating.  Only 1% of women have any issue at all with my work.  And they are always the most sexually priveliged.  She also has an orbiter.  She thinks she’s talking nice about him, but it’s so textook it’s amazing.  She wishes she could love him.  She’s slept with him a few times just to test it out.  After all he’s really good looking.  She said he bang a lot of girls when he goes out.  Apparently, it’s ok to get laid as long as it’s either luck or purely based on looks.  I couldn’t tell what her actual position was.

Anyways, she kept talking about how great he is and she hopes that someday he can find a girl that will love him back.  It’s so condesdencing and I bet she doesn’t even know.  She is talking him up becuase the better the guy that is in love with her, the better she looks.  It’s weird how in conversation now, I almost miss the talk as I only hear the true subcommunication.  I used to be like this dude and have a girl talk about me this way, so I know it all.  Either way, it was a long boring chat and she was so angry by the term pua.  I accidentally said it later on.  I was like come on a night with a student and then judge.  She promised she would.   But if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that it will never happen.  So many girls say that to me and it’s always a lie.  But it ends the conversation right there.

Then it’s time for her to go to her friends house.  She has drawn a little map.  It involves walking several hundred meters through a dark closed park in the hood.  Amazing.  So we walk her and my friend carries her huge bag.  It takes 90 minutes.  I didn’t say anything, even though we could have taken a bus and been there in 10 minutes.  I wanted to see what would happen if I again didn’t take charge.  With girls my friend just doesn’t lead.  And this is what happens.  Hours of meandering.  They were about to walk through the park when I vetoed that.  He called me a coward.  I was like dude I can fight, but I’m not stupid.  I don’t want my corpse found in London’s historic Rape Park.

We get to the house we are going to and Holy Crap.  I have been in the ghettos of most cities in the Eastern half of the United States.  I was still impressed.  Tons of people just standing in the street.  So we wait in the house while our friend gets dressed and meet her friend.  My friend immediately tells her I teach game.  She has a problem with it.  I wanted to say don’t worry, there is no chance of one of my students ever approaching you, but that would have been mean.  I told her how important it is to tell the truth.  She said something that I didn’t cotton on to for a few days.

When I told her that guys should always tell the truth and tell their feelings, her first thought was of a creepy guy walking up to a girl and being creepy and saying she’s beautiful.  She says wouldn’t it be better for him to lie at first.  So her first thought is of creepy guys.  She can’t imagine a high value guy complimenting her.  And she advocated men lying to women while she has a problem with me teaching game.

I really have nothing to say.  I debated in high school for an amazing team.  So if you don’t have a congruent argument, I’m going to notice.  The moment someone advocates lying to me, I have a problem.  My core value is honesty and I’m actually planning some experiments later this year in the area….  but I find it fascinating how little girls understand attraction switches.

We walk the girls back to the tube station and go home.  It takes ages and my friend and I are starving.  I really don’t think he sees what happened.  It will be interesting to see how he reacts to reading this.  I think some people in this world just live inside the Matrix and have no desire to escape.  He’s a really nice guy and puts up with my behaviour which says a lot.  Plus he has like 5 extra abs.  Girls like those.

So I just came home nearly crying and had the girl I went out with screaming and crying into her phone at me.  It’s nice to know that things can still explode all over my face.  Even at my level, life can end in tragedy.  As soon as I start having feelings for a girl everything changes.  Sigh…

All I want is to retire.  I can’t stop talking about it lately.  I’m finally so close to doing well with nice girls that I just want to get a really cool girlfriend and step off the dance floor for a while.  Unfortunately, every time I open up a little to a girl or become emotionally vulnerable, I just get burned.  It hurts.  I can’t get past that.  I’m still human with a little heart beating inside of my chest.

So I broke a ton of my rules.  And now I’m tasting the consequences.  I went on a date tonight with a girl from my class at school.  I’m so stupid.  I just couldn’t help it.  I liked her.  We have hung out after class a few times and tonight we went to Salsa.  I really didn’t want to go tonight, I was so tired from my kickboxing class with Ghost last nite.  You don’t even know.  I thought my thighs were going to bleed.

After class she comes back to mine, so I can let in my couchsurfers and change etc.  We chill and watch some family guy and american dad.  I told her I was into her a few weeks ago and she knows that I teach and study game.  Of course this makes life so much harder, as she thinks everything I say or do is a tactic.  But really, I just want to get away from all that lately.  So I have just been being myself, while always making my intentions clear.  When it’s time to go out, she really drags me even though I’m wicked tired.  I promised so I gotta go.

We get to the club and grab a couple of beers before the lesson.  I am in the beginners group and suddenly she drops that she had a private dance teacher in Bolivia that she dated and she’s amazing.  So I’m like great.  I’m really stressed as normally I’m a really good dancer, but tonight I’m outside of my comfort zone.  She can see how stressed I am and I am sweating up a storm.  We are kissing a little bit here and there and she keeps saying that it’s not a date and she doesn’t have any feelings for me.

At the end of the lesson she asks if she can dance with other dudes.  Normally, I wouldn’t care but I was really looking forward to a night of no sets.  I have some emotions for this girl.  I am such an idiot.  I’m like if you wanna dance with other dudes I’ll head home, but thanks for doing the lesson with me.  Then she grabs me and is like it doesn’t mean that.  Dancing with guys doesn’t mean anything to me.  I was like babe I don’t wanna stand by the sidelines watching you dance with some dude.  That’s just not how I roll on a date.  So she says never mind etc.  I just don’t wanna deal with that kind of shenanigans tonight.

We have two more beers and get back to dancing.  It’s really cool and smooth.  She keeps verbally de-escalating while physically escalating.  Fine with me.  I know that tactic.  Suddenly, I need to blow my nose big time.  I’m like I’ll be right back can you behave for one minute?  She says she can’t promise she’ll be there when I get back, but in a jokey way.  So I say if you wanna dance with other dudes I’ll leave.  I just don’t put up with bad behavior.  I’m not gonna chill with a girl who grabs a dude every time I blink.

I run to the bar.  This is how whipped I have become.  I’m shoving through all these huge muscle dudes and ignoring them.  I am back in under a minute.  She is in the arms of some big latin or black dude.  I look for like 3 seconds and I just walk out the door.  I am not in the mood for playing games.  I spend my life studying and teaching games.  I’m not putting up with it from her.  She was supposed to come over Saturday for Ghost’s birthday party.  So I text her and tell her not to come.

I just don’t want her in my life on that level anymore.  I am home now.  In bed.  Alone.  The truth is I could have worked my ass off.  Grabbed a really hot girl and run a jealousy plotline.  But I have too many scars on my heart.  My oneitis fucked so many dudes behind my back.  I just can’t deal with that.  She used to pre-frame it by saying she was friends with a lot of guys, so I would never need to get jealous.  I used to drive her to hang out with one of the dudes.  She swore they were just friends.  So I’m of course still sensitive to that kind of thing.  This girl just stabbed me in an old wound.

I’m not hurt in the way I used to be.  But I still just can’t deal with that.  I reacted in an emotional way instead of a tactical way.  But that’s all I have sometimes.  I can’t be totally cold and tactical all the time.  So I was a little vulnerable with this girl.  Some would say I got what I deserve.  I yell at so many noobs on the forums for wanting to game girls at work.  And here I am with a girl I spend eight hours a week with.

On the tube I get a text from her calling me a shit for leaving her and telling me that she’s lost.  She calls right then and I answer and she is just yelling and crying.  She is freaked out.  I am not really sure why.  The club is between two huge tube stations.  Either way she turns she is fine.  And really it’s not my problem anymore.  The moment I saw her with that dude, my tactical brain got back in control and cut my emotional threads.  I know I need to stay away from girls like this.

I always get into these weird parodies of my oneitis relationship.  I need to stay away from this stuff.  I tried to call my boys when I walked outa the club, but no one was around.  Mystel was across the city and Virgo didn’t answer.  He’s been ignoring his phone all week.  Sigh.  I should probably call Soul.  But really I don’t wanna deal with anything.  I feel kinda bad, but more because I gotta see her in school next week.

Learn a lesson from me.  I learned it the hard way.  Don’t shit where you eat.  And I’m here actually hoping that she calls me non-hysterically.  God I’m still so lame.   I can’t wait to get to LA.

So yesterday I got a pic in my email from my oneitis back in America. It was a pic that would have totally made me miss her a few months ago. But I felt nothing. It’s really strange. Now I just feel a sadness where I used keep my love for her. It’s a new feeling. I looked at a couple hundred pics of her with Sasha to see how it affected me. I didn’t get sad at all. I think I might be finally emotionally detached from that poisonous relationship. I still have a ton of fond memories, but I think they are finally firmly in the past. It only took me 6months to really get free, but it’s totally worth it. Maybe I will feel something different if I see her in person, but to be honest it’s totally unlikely. She still talks to me like the AFC orbiter I used to be. Once you spend a year building a house, it’s hard to move out! She writes these super short emails. If I email once a day, she emails once a week. If I email once a week, she emails once a month. If I email once a month, she never replies. It’s a strange game. Mostly I’ve written her short emails to see how strictly she sticks to this. It’s shockingly consistent. Anyways, I live in London and I live in London.

A lot of guys are still posting on every forum about one-itis. I have hesitated to post about mine, because I am so not cured. Since I put distance between me and her, I have sarged several hundred sets, fclosed 2 hotter girls and become a minor jedi. I am socially calibrated and pretty happy. I even have one-itis right now for another inappropriate girl, HBSparkle. Anyways, I was so deep that I thought she would fall in love with me, marry me, ditch the other guys she fclosed behind my back. I mean if there are levels of one-itis I was level 9. I only say this because I have heard Sheriff’s oneitis story. HA. Anyways.
She is so sexy, smart, and beautiful. She is half Japanese and half Ukrainian. She is really skinny and her body is insane. The moment I saw her I wanted her. She had a long-distance boyfriend, but I didn’t’ care. He was a million miles away. We were in mystical Japan. It took me 6 months to get between her legs. And it was worth every moment. It was beautiful and perfect. Of course afterwards, she told me it was a mistake and flew to America to spend a week fclosing him. Ouch! I still shagged her again when she got back. Our relationship was sexual for exactly 7 months. She loved me and we had a deep deep rapport. I won’t say our feelings weren’t real, but I did everything wrong. I put her on a pedestal. I tried to control her through passive aggression. To blame her for my oneitis would be disingenuous. I know now all the mistakes I made that year. She fell for another loser who treated her like crap. She started off shagging him behind my back, then she shagged me behind his back. Classy. I never stopped loving her. I still do. But that love is in my pocket now. Not on my face. I was obsessed. Deeply. She was the first girl I ever told I loved. And I was 25. There are a lot of deep issues I could cover here. The point is that it was deep and real. To call it less is a lie. I planned on writing a book about our love. I have written a song about it that was so good it got me into my current music university. If you hear it, it will shatter your heart. But I read The Game.
It changed me. I am not a chump anymore. I am a jedi. I will not let a girl control me again. Instead of emailing her everyday, I have emailed her 5 times in 6 months. I don’t wait for her replies with baited breath. And actually for the first three months I didn’t email her. She re-initiated email contact. I live on a different continent. So that I can become strong. But I am a drastic person.

If you are suffering one-itis. Do not say that your girl is different. I guarantee that mine is better. And guess what, they are all the same. It’s their dna. Women respond to AFCs the same way everywhere. Cut her out of your life. Grew. Learn the skills. You can even tell yourself that you will learn to be a Jedi like Paladin so that one day you can go back and win her heart. That’s ok. Just don’t’ be surprised if after the 1-2 years it takes, you don’t want to go back.

Will I go back to mine? I have no idea. I rarely think about her. I know my emotional triggers. Writing this blog is pretty tough to be honest. But there are just too many posts on the forums on this issue. You have to break free. Or you will die.