How to Send the Perfect 1st Text After You Get a Woman’s Number

This is a guest post from Jordan Harbinger, a friend and fellow dating coach over at The Art of Charm.

Here’s My Process For Following Up With A Woman After I Get Her Number

You aren’t the only guy going after the girls you’re interested in.

While that statement is exceptionally simple, it is also crucial to keep in mind if your goal is dating your ultimate woman.

Why?

Because chances are she’s giving out her number on a regular basis and, as a result, you need to maintain (or build) her attraction in you EVERY step of the interaction.

You did yourself well in getting her number, but if you want to actually date her, it’s what you after you receive her number that sets you apart enough to make her want to date you.

In this post, I’m going to show you how I do that with my first text. You’re going to learn how to solidify her attraction and consistently turn your numbers into actual dates. There are just a few key principles you need to know and they are very easy to learn.

You see, a lot of guys can get a girl’s number, but what often happens is they get so excited about pulling numbers… that they give little thought to what to do with them.

(I’m going to avoid the debate of calling versus texting for now, but what you should know is texting is better during these early stages. Not only is it becoming the de facto way to communicate (especially with people you just met), but it’s lower pressure for her, lets her respond when she has the time, and vastly increases YOUR chances of hearing back from her.)

So let’s talk about how to nail that first text, so you can maintain (or grow) her attraction in you and move closer to that first date.

What Your 1st Text Subconsciously Tells Her About You

Though you are only sending 1-3 lines of text, you are giving off (often unconsciously) signals that tell her a lot about what type of guy you are.

For example:

1. Is meeting women a typical behavior for you?
2. Do you have high Social Value?
3. Are you easily manipulated or do you have a strong sense of personal identity?
4. What kind of personality do you have? Will you be able to excite her and make her laugh? Or are you boring like every other guy?
5. Are you needy or do you have other things going on in your life?

These are just a few of the things she will subconsciously pick up from your text messages… and they impact her decision of whether or not she’ll want to move forward with the relationship.

This may seem like a lot pressure to cram on a few lines of text, but once you incorporate these principles into your text game you will naturally give off the right signals.

To begin, we need to look at why most guys don’t get this right.

First Text No-No’s

For many guys the first text is a stressful, agonizing experience. You sit there wracking your brain for hours to come up with the perfect zinger to send… but then end up with something brilliant like:

• Hey what’s up?
• Hey cutie, it was nice meeting you last night. Want to hang out tonight?
• How is your day going?
• What are you up to?
• Do you remember me? -{your name}
• Hey it’s {name} from the bar/party/club last night. What’s up?

These types of texts are typical and THAT’S WHY they’re boring.

Instead of setting you apart, they lump you right into the “lame/boring” category with every other guy.

Not only are they completely devoid of emotional impact, but they kill any initial attraction you built up with her when you got her number in the first place.

What A 1st Text SHOULD Do

How do you write a 1st text that sets you apart and makes her excited to text you back? There are three essential ingredients I’ve found you need:

1. It needs to set a fun, playful tone for future interactions
2. It needs to engage her emotions, causing her to re-affirm her attraction to you
3. It needs to compel her to respond

If you can accomplish all of these in your first text, odds are she will not only respond positively, but will be much more willing to move forward with you.

Let’s take a look how to each element works and how to incorporate them together in your first text.

1. Setting a Fun, Playful Tone

This may sound crazy at first, but fourth-grade humor should be the underlying theme for most of your text messages, including the initial interaction. (This stems from the larger point of your overall successful text strategy, but that is too big for one article. You can learn more about that here.)

Light-hearted, super-silly jokes win women over because they get her constantly associating positive and playful emotions with you.

You can accomplish this by using a variety of tools: nicknames, role-playing, teasing, etc. Plus, always remember that the way you word things has a dramatic effect on how it is perceived, like “dancing” vs “bust-a-move.”

2. Engaging Her Emotions and Re-affirming Attraction

The most powerful and important element of your first text is engaging her emotions.

The primary goal of your initial texts should be helping her re-experience the feelings of attraction you created when you got her number. You want to continue with whatever you did to make her attracted in the first place…

… and the easiest way to do so is by referencing a topic from your past conversation.

This will cause her to recall her time with you and to feel those same emotions she felt at that point – the very emotions that were the foundation of her attraction to you (and you to her as well).

The last thing you want is to have to start back at Square One and re-build positive emotions in her. Instead, pick up where you left off and you’ll be able to move your relationship along much quicker.

3. Compelling Her to Respond

How do you compel attractive women to consistently respond to your first texts? The same way you get anyone to respond: by asking a question or making a statement that requires more info.

Now here’s the catch: you can’t just pop her any old question or statement… otherwise, Hey what’s up? would be effective. What kind of question do you ask? Simply take a basic question and re-word it so it becomes fun and playful.

Example:

What’s up? becomes What kind of mischief are you causing today?

Here’s another example that would require additional information: I just figured out what you would be if you were an animal. If she wants to know the answer she has to text you back.

The secret is to make the statement about her personally. Nothing makes a person more curious than what someone else thinks about them.

What an Effective First Text Looks Like

Imagine that during your conversation she told you how she used to always go to the zoo to see the penguins. She was obsessed with them and went to bed every night until she was twelve with her stuffed penguin, Chilly Willy.

When it comes time to text her, you can now draw from that story to not only show that you listened (good job), but more importantly, to evoke all those emotions again.

Next you compel her to respond by adding a question or statement that requires more information.

You then set a fun and playful tone not only by the way you word your text, but by adding in things like nicknames, role-playing, teasing, etc.

If you put it all together it would look something like this:

Hey my little penguin princess, what kind of mischief are you causing today!?

Or

Hey my little penguin princess, I just realized which celebrity you remind me of.. crazy crazy

As brief and silly as these messages seem, they accomplish a lot:

• They cause her to recall the positive feelings she had when sharing that story with you, re-affirming her attraction to you.
• They also demonstrate that you are not like every other guy and compel her to respond in a playful way.

This puts her guard down and sets the tone for a successful interaction. The first example even lets you know what her plans are for the day… and you can then use this information to move the conversation forward and perhaps even plan a meet up. Not bad for a few lines of text.

As you begin using this system, you should know that while the exact words you use are pretty important, the main thing to worry about right now is following the 3 principles I just laid out (and I KNOW they work because I’ve been using them successfully myself for quite some time now).

And that’s part of the beauty of it: you no longer need to stress over what to say.

Next time you get a number, you just need to remember these 3 principles as you recall the interaction and you’ll naturally know how to follow up with her.

It’s OK if it feels weird the first time you try it — it’s something new. But remember, if you aren’t happy with the results you’re getting right now, the only way to change that is to change what you’re doing.

So give it a shot and allow yourself the opportunity to see what happens. What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the *best* that could happen?

I’ll finish with one last note: if you are still following a 3-day or any other kind of rule about how long to wait until you send the first text, cut it out already!

The feeling of attraction is fleeting, so you have to strike while the iron is hot.

Don’t give her time for the memory of you to fade away… or, even worse, get replaced by another guy. You should almost always text a girl within hours of getting her number, and never later than the next day.

And if you want to learn even more texting strategies, you can get my new guide right here totally free. You’ll get a thorough, step-by-step system for consistently turning phone numbers into awesome dates. And if you’re like most guys, it will start giving you results tonight already. Check it out here.

So I realize that there are so many changes I want to make to this blog.  The main thing is that I want it to be the main focus of my life again.  I went from writing hundreds of posts a year to a couple dozen.  And that’s no good.  Also I seem to only be writing theory and educational posts.  I don’t want to give you guys the impression that my life has slowed down one bit.  I just made this decision that I should stop writing field reports now that I’m pretty well known as a dating coach.  But man I don’t wanna lose an image I spent years developing as a bad boy.

So let me tell you about last Saturday.  I bring up this night not because it’s exceptional but because it was like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.  I’m often paranoid when I’m around other pickup artists or really good looking guys.  I know it’s something that most other people don’t notice because I have a really highly developed ability for hiding my fears and acting anyways.  It’s what makes me such a force of nature when it comes to pickup.

So I’m about to go out with this new local dude Low0r.  We have talked online and he’s emailed me for advice in the past.  We just haven’t hung out before.  The guy is like a huge my name is earl with no mustache.  And he’s hilarious.  About 20 minutes before we are about to go out together he lets me know that we are going out with 2 other dudes.  So these guys roll into my place at like 8 or something which is wicked early in this country town unfortunately.  I break out the beers and we chill for a few minutes.  One of the friends starts telling me how it’s an honor to meet me and how pickup artists and coaches like me totally changed his life.

Low0r is totally worried that I’ll be embarassed.  That shows exactly how much he doesnt’ know me.  I am getting off on this 100%.  Who doesn’t want to be told that they are awesome.  So when you meet me and the truth is that just about anyone who emails me eventually gets to because I love traveling and partying so much, make sure to say it’s an honor to meet me or something.

It was like when a highlander cuts off another highlander’s head and there is all this lightening and then the guy has like twice as much power.

My game simply exploded.

We went to at least 7 bars.  And each bar I would open a set and be KILLING IT.  And of course the 4th guy who I haven’t mentioned because he was so negative would complain and demand that we change bars.  Normally I hate that.  But I was unstoppable.  Set.  Set.  Set.

I did a couple of things that are especially amazing.  I took a picture of every girl as I got her phone number.  I NEVER remember to do that.  So I woke up Sunday with faces to go with the numbers.  It really helped me to decide which girl I was more attracted to and helped motivate me to call.  Usually I suck about texting a girl because I don’t remember what she looks like.  And I hate the facebook exchange because let’s just say my page isn’t flattering to girls who are looking for boyfriends.  I am a whore when it comes to club pictures with girls.  I don’t care.

So we go from bar to bar to bar.  And this dude is pouring vodka down my throat and who am I to say no?  So I am blasted.

I remember meeting a bunch of girls having a birthday party.  I dropped one of my BEST openers “Are you guys really friendly or really mean, because I don’t want to talk to mean girls” – That’s right.  I’m giving you solid gold in the middle of a story.  It’s like a reward for actually reading this post.  And I’ll tell you right now that that opener works like 100% of the time for me, so it should work at least 90% of the time for you.  Nobody actually admits to being mean.  Most dictators self-justify their actions.

So I bought a round of shots.  I never buy drinks for girls, but I do honor the birthday party.  If you have seen my birthday party pics from 2009 you will understand just how seriously I take this event.

So then we are a bar later.  And I meet this Brazilian girl.  Her sweater matches her hat and that’s all I have to say.  I get her number and take a photo.

And here is where we have a blank space.  Now I spoke to the other dudes this weekend and apparently I was killing it at at least 2-3 more bars.

Then we end up at the late night bar where I am supposed to meet the Giraffe and her roommate who hates me.  Both of these girls are WAY bigger than me.  They are former major athletes and were super successful.  I found out from Low0r that I was killing it with 2 stunning German girls with the Giraffe shows up and I just walked away.  That is CLASSIC me.  I always forget girls and stuff.  It’s why I need a handler.  I can close any set but I forget and get distracted.  I think I have the pickup artist version of ADD.

So everyone goes home and stuff.  I don’t really notice.  I end up with my two giants in another late night dance club.  We are downing drinks but I sure don’t remember.

I made out with both girls and eventually we end up in a big pile in my bed.  Where I pull the classic move of being too drunk to fuck and passing out.

First Encounter

So I’m out with my bro in law, well it’s my sister’s boyfriend but it’s super long term, and we hit the bars on Friday night.  I’ll shorten my usual lengthy intro and get to it.  I am just hanging out with him and not working girls but of course I end up talking to a professional sports team cheerleader.  I don’t wanna say which team or too much because I know you sneaks will figure it out….

Her chubby glum roomate is super lame but she doesn’t stop us from talking and doesn’t even force my bro to talk to her.  She lets him sneak off to call my sister.  So I chat to this girl for like an hour or so and she seems awesome.  We start talking about Orbital.  Now if a girl knows about Orbital I instantly like her.  Of course if her body is tight as a drum as well…..I think you get the idea.  She is digging on me super hard so I get the digits.  I can’t just go home with her because I got my bro with me and I am not putting him in that awkward situation.  I know he would just sit in the living room talking to the chubster, but my sis would be wicked mad.  I don’t need family drama.

So me and him slip off.  When I get home she starts blowing up my phone.  I’m so bored.  I have nothing to do.  etc….  She just dumped her boyfriend of a year and a half earlier that day.  She doesn’t say too much but I get the feeling the relationship was tumultuous.  I get a little bit of a Lifetime movie vibe.

She is smoking hot, so I wanna creep on her so bad.  I’m too drunk to drive over to her place and it’s just too complicated a situation.  The next night I’m going out with some new dude from the local lair.  I’m not teaching so I just go out to raise hell.  I know I’m gonna get drunk so I take a taxi to the bar.  The whole way there my cheerleader is blowing me up.  Text text text.  She agrees to meet me at 1am for a date.  I think we all know what that means.

First Date

So I hang out with the dude for a couple of hours, but that’s a sidestory.  She has to go home and change after her part time job.  I’m like I am sure you look fine etc….  I hate waiting.  But it was worth it.  She is wearing the tightest black dress of all time.  You can see everything.  All the guys are scoping her when she walks in and she comes straight up to me.  I get that full LondonPaladin feeling.  Like hell ya I still got it!  You know?  21.  Smoking hot. Cheerleader.  Into me.  It’s allll good.

So we have a couple of beers.  She kinda lets me know that her last boyfriend was super possessive and it was a problem.  I’m like babe I’m the opposite.  A bunch of guys she knows walk up and it’s clear they are orbiters.  Instead of my usual move of Tanking them (from My Best Friends Girl – great movie) I just tell her that I gotta use the bathroom and that they seem like really nice guys.  I disappear for like 20 minutes.  Some gorilla tries to start a fight with me in the toilets but my complete disinterest overwhelms him and he walks off.

I come back and we chill a bit more and then she’s like I guess it’s time to go home.  She asks how I got to the bar.  I let her know I have no car and she offers to give me a ride back to mine.  Ten minutes later we are back at her place.  We end up chilling on her porch and drinking beers for three hours or something.

I never felt that sexual spark.  Usually I just know in my guts when it’s time to go for it.  And I just never felt it.  it’s weird.  I can tell she’s attracted to me and I’m attracted to her, but the physical is just all off.  At 4am or so she tells me it’s time to drive me home.  We are now in her bedroom and I tell her that I hate that moment when we get to my house and it’s awkward and I’m like do I kiss her or do I not kiss her etc.  She is like I just broke up with a long term bad relationship yesterday so I’m not ready to do anything.

I’m a nice guy at heart and by now I have the feeling that things between them were physical and not in the good way.  So I’m not gonna pressure a girl who’s this damaged.

We get back to mine and I start to get out of the car and she’s like what?  I don’t get ANYTHING?  So I go for the kiss immediately and we have a high school style kiss.

I already know at this point that all signs point to crazy and that I should never talk to her again.  You just get that feeling.  Obviously I now can’t resist her.

We have plans to hang out Sunday but she sends me the friends text.  She tells me she is too damaged and needs time away from boys.  Yay!

Warning Signs

So come Friday I’m out at the bar with JohnnyC69 getting my wasted on.  I am friends with a part time model/bartender and she was hooking it up.  I know we did at least 6 or 7 free shots.  So it all got hazy.  At some point she came to meet up with us and I try to ditch Johnny.  Because I am an asshole.

But he comes back and joins us for a few minutes.  I’m hammered so my first thought is “this son of a bitch is creeping on my new toy” but really he was bored of the other girls around us.  He talks to us for ten minutes and he is like dude that girl has the lowest self esteem of all time.  You need to get out of here.  Stay away from her.  My attraction skyrockets because crazy girls know how to bring the noise in bed.

I’m so hammered that I then lose her talking to her friends.  Two underage girls start creeping on me because they think I’m with her.  It’s great.  All I remember is that she left without me and when I realize it and call her she’s gone home. I take a taxi home and consider my epic drinking problem.

Shutter Island

Saturday night at 1am.  8Days since first contact.

She calls me and says she’s bored and wants to see me.  She says all of her friends are out of town and she is lonely.  I am sitting in my room programming so what do you think I would rather do.  Some times I just think with my little brain.

I can’t really describe the course of events after I arrived.  Time lost all meaning in the vortex of insanity so I can only offer you some highlights.  And I promise you that this is at most 30% of the crazy shit she said.  It’s been two weeks and I am really trying to block it all out.

She opens her mail and finds a huge bill from the hospital.  She tears it up and says ‘let’s see those fuckers try and get me to pay when I’m dead.”

She tells me how she met a guy in the hospital with a big red mark on his neck.  He tried to hang himself.

She decided not to date him because “You shouldn’t date people you meet in the asylum.”

That’s right all you HATERS.  I found a girl who was actually in the mental hospital.  So don’t ever tell me you met a crazy girl until you meet a girl who got locked up for it!

She starts saying how she is texting with her ex again.  I instantly know she will get back together.

He is a really good guy.  He just gets super jealous because he is really insecure and doesn’t realize what a great guy he is.

He is almost 30 and basically unemployed but he’s just finding himself.

She isn’t allowed to go out or be near any other guys because he gets really jealous.  He cheated on his last girlfriend a LOT so he knows that it’s easy to cheat.

When he goes out with his friends he turns off his phone and he yells at her.  He needs his own space and privacy.  I point out at this point that he is 100% cheating on her and she explains that no – she is too hot to be cheated on.

She concludes this story by saying that yes he hit her.  But only once.  And it was really her fault for starting it.  And he will never do it again.

At this point she goes from calling him her x to calling him her boyfriend.  That’s right.  That set of stories made her want to get back with him.

She went on about how he’s her first true love and she’s willing to work really hard and just wishes he would work really hard too.  She also mentions that she loves to watch Lifetime movies.  I laugh and tell her she’s living one.

Then things started getting really crazy.

It’s all such a blur I wish I had recorded it.

I finally wanted to leave because I was just so bored after an hour of this.  She blocked the window with her leg.  Yes.  You go in and out through the window.  And is like you can’t leave me right now.  She intimates that she might kill herself if I leave.

I am really turned on be emotional blackmail.

But don’t worry.  It’s all getting better.

She starts telling me about the girl’s she is friends with that I should meet.  Like the one who had a baby last month but put it up for adoption.  Or the girl she got kicked out of high school with.

The whole time I am texting JohnnyC69 telling him what to tell the cops when they find my body in the woods.

The highlight of the evening was at dawn.  I am still trying to leave.  So she fakes appendicitis.

I am not even joking her.  She starts screaming and telling me she has unbelievable pain in her side.  Now I’m freaked out that if I leave she might die.  I do not want that conversation with the cops.  Especially with my fingerprints on the window and shit.

So I keep googling medical stuff on my phone and telling her that it might be an STD.  Some of them have the side effect of insanity.  she says this isn’t possible.  Finally the pain just goes away after 2 hours.  The longest 2 hours of my life.  And I got trapped inside a rollercoaster in Japan.   By myself.  This was worse.

She tells me that she can’t wait to hang out again.  I tell her that I will never see her again.  As I’m leaving I do try to get one last kiss.  I mean come on.  I am still a little bit of a creep.  She explains that our first kiss is the only time she’s ever cheated on her boyfriend and doesn’t want to do it again.  She asks if we can just be friends.

Um.  I don’t need friends that I fear will cut me in my sleep.  But thanks.

What I did wrong

First of all.  Her attraction was diminishing by the moment after our first encounter.  The sexual spark was there that first night and each time after that was less and less.  Why you ask?  Because this girl is bat shit crazy and wants to get back with her ex because he treats her bad.  Which is her fetish.

I needed to go home with her that first night and have that rebound sex and then never talk to her again.

I also ignored all the warning signs.  I actually screen for crazy pretty hard when I meet girls.  Then I ignore my warnings.

That first night at her house I could feel it happening.  I was thinking too much comfort + not enough physical = let’s be best friends!

Now the reason the physical is off is because she is attracted to abusive relationships.  This means that all of her physical signs and signals are off.  I don’t speak that language so I don’t know how to turn her on.  That’s why we ended up with me becoming like an orbiter.

I kept going back after I knew she was crazy.  I basically live for the adventure.  I went over to her house because I knew it would be a great blog post.

Final Thoughts

It’s just not worth it.  I have access to lots of beautiful women.  I need to avoid this type of girl.

Also, I cut out HUGE portions of her terrifying stories.  I didn’t even tell you anything about her mom or her several crazy dads.  So when you see me in person, feel free to ask!

I wasn't really gonna write a field report about this night since Tov and Svelte wrote such good recounts on the lair and masf, but what the hell.  It was a crazy night.  For me I really don't like to write about stuff unless it's really educational or amazing.  I realized that I still haven't written about the time I almost went to jail for 25 years in Tunisia for fornication.  I am really writing a short story about that.  So I'll see what comes of it.

Anyways, I get a call from JohnnyC69 that Tov and Svelte drove up from Cookeville, picked him up and are on the way to my place.  Then he asks where I live.  It's astounding that a guy can come over like 5 times and still not know.  But I get lost a lot too.  It's why I always rely on the GPS in my blackberry.  So I tell him the way and tell Inbred to get dressed.

The guys scoop us and we head to my favorite local honkey tonk.  It's pretty empty so we are just sitting outside chatting.  Just a quiet Friday with no cute girls.  Since I don't have to drive I decide to throw down a few cocktails.  I'll admit it – I like to drink.  I'm not sure what happened but suddenly I was drunk as shit.  I only found out later that my drinks were like 80% vodka.  So I was 4x drunker than I expected.  Well in these types of situations we just gotta adapt.

I realize 2 things are once – we are standing in what I call a lair circle and I really need to pee.  Now if you have ever been out with a group of more than 3 pickup artists or visited a small town lair you will be able to quickly recognize a lair circle.  All the guys stand in a circle talking about girls and never opening.  There is something like a vortex about them.  I have seen 'em in London and Cambridge.  Virgo told me he saw one in LA.  So I know they happen everywhere.  I need to break out of this so I tell Inbred it's time to stroll.  I go into the toilet and that son of a bitch is in a goddam 1set.  How does that help me warm up??  I head back to the boys because I still have that antsy feeling.

It's like when you are doing double skip jump rope and you just wait for that right moment to jump in.  If you time it wrong the ropes will hit you.  You know when to jump, but if you get nervous your timing will be off and then it all ends in tears and skinned knees.  I have never actually done jump rope with 2 ropes, but this is just what I imagine it feels like.  And this is my story so I get to use whatever damned metaphors I want to.

So I go back to the guys and Tov and Svelte are dripping with AA.  They are from a small town and I get that.  Plus I guess they are actually JohnnyC69 fans.  Which is kinda cool for him.  I mean they are nice guys.  Just young.  As most guys know, there is nothing more contagious amongst animals than fear.  And AA is just another form of fear.  So now I'm catching it and I know that if you leave it just lying there, something will break.

So I head back and find Inbred and he asks me to wing him.  Turns out his girl has a friend.  I'm really not sure why he is talking to a 6, but I get to enjoy the company of her friend.  A rock solid 4.  Good news though.  She is one of the ugly girls who also has a shitty personality.  I walk up and ask her why she's texting so much.  Turns out she's updating her facebook status.  Awesome.  I just keep grinding and it's not hitting.  I will tell you something that is no secret to any of my friends.  I SUCK with ugly chicks.  They just hate me.  I can't close a 4 to save my life.  I'm not complaining really.  It's like the fact that I can't get strep throat.  I'm simply immune to that disease. 

I could make out with girls who have strep throat all night long and nothing will happen to me.  Now if she blows me…I just don't know if a man can get strep cock, so why find out?

So this girl is just boring as hell.  She keeps doing facebook shit.  Eventually she tells me that my beard is ugly.  Now I know for a face that I have a bad ass George Micheal 1988 beard.  I have experimented with dozens of looks and haircuts to maximize my sexy factor.  I mean she could call me fat.  I'm a little bit chubby so ok.  But she hates my beard?  Lying to a man is just plain rude.  By this point Inbred's girl has walked off so I finally eject too.  I can only do so much winging.

He then tells me that it counts as him opening two sets.  I was like what?  If you fuck the same girl twice does that mean you have fucked 2 girls?  I hate his math skills.  I mean lack of math skills.  I'm still a little pissed about the 10 in the car that he snatched from me.

Anyways, my AA is rolling back in.  It really just never goes away.  Every day is a new damn day.  So I'm like Inbred, let's roll.  Fuck this noise it's time to make some waves.

So I see 13 girls sitting on a bench and I just open all those bitches.  He rolls over to the other end of the bench.  My girl is ok, but we are just too close to the band so she can only hear some of what I'm saying.  Then we start watching Inbred.  I don't know what that fucker is saying and he still hasn't told me, but goddamit.  I watch each girl he's talking to get up and he slides on seat closer to me and the girl I'm talking to.  I'm trying to get through the girl next to me to her friend who is actually really pretty. 

And Inbred is rolling at me with the power of the inevitable.  I swear to God.  He actually got all the girls to get up including the one next to me.  She even pinkie swore that we would talk again.  Obviously we never did.  To be fair I forgot which one she was, because something strange happened next.

The bar is only 40% full which always makes me nervous when I'm out but almost every girl there is a Nashville 8 or better.  I gotta say Nashville 8 because I have been to Sweden.

From here on in, the story is going to be out of order.  I was drunk as shit and I always lose my internal clock when I'm drunk.  I remember a lot of the night but I can never remember the order things happen in.  Tov was like having an AAgasm, so I grabbed him and threw him into a booth as hard as I could.  I could swear I heard bone crack into wood, but sometimes you just gotta beat the fear out of someone.  According to his field report that set went really well for him.  So just goes to show, a firm hand works.

I end up meeting some big dude from Wisconsin or one of those other states that people never really talk about and they never have movies that take place there.  It's like one of those states that writers write about to show people how smart they are.  It reminds me of books like Catcher in the Rye or something.  I know that's in New York but I just wanted to mention how much I hate that book.  Complaining teenage angst.  Or maybe Wisconsin is where all those "coming of age" plays take place.  All I know is I have never been there and I doubt I could find it on a map.  And I'm pretty sure my oneitis went to college there.

OK.  So I am talking to this jacked dude and I swear he starts talking about how all these guys in the bar are roided out.  I was like dude you are pretty jacked.  But I can see his point.  Then we start to make fun of fat girls.  Those bitches ALWAYS drink diet coke.  I don't think they understand that diet means something different when you put it in front of a word.  It's much better AFTER a word.  I will explain.  DIET PEPSI – Less fattening pepsi.  SOUTH BEACH DIET – a method to make your fatass shrink (or give you a heart attack.)

So we start joking about this and 2 girls roll out.  I dive at their table and start chatting to mine.  Her voice was so deep me and this dude jump.  I was like holy crap this girl is channelling Barry White.  So we chat a few minutes and his girl has a husband or boyfriend who comes out and it's like we are trying to eject as fast as possible.  Also I think mine had a bad personality.  Or I might have just thought that because her voice was so deep.

Then at some point I was talking to this girl by the bar for like 40 minutes.  Oh shit.  I remember now.  I walk up to this really cute girl and the guy next to her and ask if he's her boyfriend.  She says he's her brother and I said that still doesn't answer my question. 

So I chat to her and he slips off.  She has this orbiter friend guy that keeps popping around.  Lately I have been talking about how all orbiters are bitches and I have been tanking them like crazy.  Just because they try and step to my game.  Man I made this dude cry last week, but anyways.  I keep chatting to her and I get her number.  And I am like baby what's your name again?  She tells me and I start laughing.  I thought she was making it up.  I was like that's not a real name.

Whoops.  Turns out it wasn't a fake name, but it might have been a fake number.  I'll never call after that.  And dudes I don't know how this happened but her orbiter just walks up and starts making out with her.  And all I can do is think man that guys shirt is really cool.  Usually orbiters dress like dicks, so I respect any dude with good fashion in this one horse town.  I almost ask him where it's from but his tongue is busy. 

I'm not even upset because 3 minutes later I'm in another set.  I am totally forgetting like 7 sets or something so you'll have to ask the other guys or read their field reports.  I 5 pictures from the night so those help me a lot with figuring things out.  This dude looked exactly like Freddie Prinze jr.  and since that dude is on 24 this year he is all in my mind.  I love that show.  Can't help it.  So much over the top drama.

Ok so I decide I like this dude.  I do some of my jazz and I kiss this girl then he kisses her.  Now his two "wings" show up.  These guys are total idiots.  They are trying to tank me but they don't realize that I've decided to help Freddie out.  I mean the dude is fighting terrorists on tv every damn monday night.  It's the least I could do.  They keep saying shit that is weirding this girl out.  I pull them aside and I'm like guys I know you think your'e cool but you're destroying your friend.  If you wanna keep him from getting laid keep talking.

According to Tov I did a spin move and then those dudes were gone.  I will ask him tomorrow to show me what I did.  But then I chat with Freddie and his girl some more….and then blackness.  HAha.  I know.  I wonder if he closed the set too.  Oh well.  Thanks vodka brain!

Next set.  There are these 2 blonds.  They were so hot that I chickened out on opening them twice earlier.  But it's time.  They sit down and I jedi open that shit.  Within one minute this girl that's so hot is fucking with my tie.  I am wearing this cool purple shirt I got from Express with a skinny white tie.  The bitch makes it into a big Donald Duck bow.  All the other guys are impressed by all this "kino."  But the main thing going through my mind is how did I lose control of this train?

Of course I have this other issue.  I really respect when a girl is ACTUALLY funny.  I mean it's pretty rare.  Especially for a really hot girl.  But I thought that was really funny.  So I left it in for like 5 whole minutes.  I have 2 pictures of me with these girls and that tie.  It's so funny.  Anyways they go to get more drinks or to use the bathroom or dance.  Those are the 3 things girls do.

Last thing I remember is that I am talking to some girl and Tov is right next to me sitting down.  He says she's a really hot blond.  So I believe him.  The guy was stone cold sober.  So I talk to this girl like 5 minutes and I shout GROUP HUG.  And he starts to stand up and I'm like don't move fucker.

And then I just shoved the girls face at his face.  Their faces are like 1 milimeter apart.  That's less than an inch for you guys that prefer inches.  And like the damn kid doesn't pull the trigger. 

I read his field report and the kid feels a shitload of shame.  So I'm not gonna torture him on here.

Analysis of the Night

I have pictures of me with 5 smoking hot girls.  Good for the old facebook profile.

I kissed 2 girls ( I'm pretty sure)

I got 1 number (then told the girl her name was shitty)

Overall I had fun but for real I mean to focus and get my dick wet.  Maybe next time I will be less like Tucker Max…but probably not.

I have been recovering from the events of New Years Eve for a few days now. I certainly haven’t been out partying since then, so it’s still fresh in my mind. This is a long tail and my fingers are sore, but I’ll do my best.

I decide to spend new years with my buddy Truck. We have been going out almost every night since I got home and he is currently my best friend here. We are even moving in together in a few weeks. I hear from a couple of the lair guys about some event downtown where a guitar is dropping and Nashville wants to be Times Square. Sounds lame, but they also promise a crowd. And I LOVE crowds.

We load up a couple of flasks. Jack* for him and Parrot Bay for me. Don’t judge! I basically drank Jack 80% of the night. But man nobody loves it like Truck. To be honest, I think he should be sponsored by Jack. We get my dad to drop me off at a local bar at like 7 or something. You can never really start New Years too early.

Before we leave the house we load up a little bottle of diet coke with Jack. By the time we get to the bar I’m already tipsy and feeling smooth. We pull up a coupla stools at the bar, but I gotta stand because there is a huge steel flask in my back pocket. Fun fact for you guys – I bought the two flasks years ago at pottery barn. I am pretty sure just to sneak into movies. So I am standing there and we pound a couple of beers. There is a real lack of eye candy in this sports bar. I know. But it’s a good warm up.

The place is one of my old haunts and it is really interesting to see things through eyes that have been opened. There is a girl bartender that Truck thinks is cute, so of course the guy serves us. Guess if he got a good tip. I hate being served by a dude. So we get pretty lit there and then I am getting texts from a lair dude offering a ride the rest of the way to downtown. How could we turn that down?

Somehow we get an amazing free parking space right on the street about 100 meters from the party. I know I use meters, but look I been in the UK a long damn time. So I have to pee so bad I can taste it in the back of my throat.  We pop into Sbarro’s to hit the toilet but the line is bastard long.  This other dude says he has a secret piss spot that won’t have a line, so I put my trust in him.

We end up behind a dumpster next to the bar I do all my game in.  As I am tearing into the back of this thing like a racehorse, guys come out to throw out trash and are like don’t piss here!  But they are just joking and don’t really care.  I know I didn’t.  While the other guys are pissing I start talking to some dude having a smoke.  It turns out he is a barback in there.  So I chat to him a bit to find out how many girls are in there etc.  Seems like a good option.

We spend some time outside in the free party and me n Truck are hitting the flasks to keep the party going.  There isn’t a cute girl in site and there are tons of families and chubby out-of-towners.  Finally Truck and I decide to hit our new bar.  We try to bring the other dude, but at the last minute he leaves the line.  We asked if it was too expensive for him, as we didn’t want to be dicks.  He ran off to see his other friend and I didn’t even realize it, as I was giving my ID to the bouncer dude when he slipped off.

Inside we chat to this smoking hot bartender that we have been befriending for weeks.  She is cool and then we bounce around.  Gonna be honest.  Truck got a double of Jack and I sad me too like an idiot.  It tasted like fire and shame.  From then on, life got REAL hazy.  I started talking to this older lady who looked like someone.  I can’t remember who.  She was cool and was married to the barback up there.  He was so jacked.

Truck starts talking to this really pretty chick.  He didn’t realize that she was super married.  I could see her diamond from 20 feet away.  I am joking with the other 2 girls for a while and finally I decide to dive in.  Her friend is kinda cute and NOT rocking a ring. So I roll up.  I am like I think my friend has no idea this girl is married.  We start chuckling and she is like ya her husband is right here.  He totally doesn’t care, so why not chill out.  I chat to my girl about 5 minutes and we start kissing.  It’s only 11:30.

People around us start clapping.  Her friends now want to go outside for the final ball drop.  She is like come with us and I will give you a real kiss at midnight.  So I say, how about you just give me a real kiss right now – stick your tongue in my face.  So she does and I nearly lost a tooth.  It was awesome.  Unfortunately, there was a complete and total lack of logistics.  She is going back to Chicago the next morning and staying with her friends.  So I let her go outside without me.

I start talking to Truck and he never realized his chick was married.  It was funny.  OK, from here on events are NOT chronological.  When I get hammered I lose my timestamp ability.  I know.  I wonder if it’s just me.

I am downstairs by myself and I start talking to some pretty girl.  She grabs my hand.  Oh wait.  I met some black dude.  He plays basketball for a college around here.  He points to one of his girls and says she’s all yours.  She is digging me.  That’s how I met her.  They all go upstairs and take me with them.  They walk off and I’m kissing her and I’m on the dancefloor.  Then some jacked white dude comes up and puts his hand in my face and says Timeout!  I can smell the orbiter on him from a mile away.  I decide that I am not in the mood for a confrontation.

I go back downstairs and start talking to some girls.  I tell them I lost my only friend in town and ask them to be my new friends.  I talk to 3 pairs of girls in the same area around the same time.  I got the number from one of these girls.  I think she’s a blond.  It’s been 2 weeks and we are still texting.  Of course now I’m out of town and next week she is, but we’ll see what happens.  But I really have a fog about this little amount of time.  So let’s go to the next event, shall we?

I am back upstairs talking to my original married chick.  I meet her husband.  Dude is a bounty hunter as well as a bar back.  We talk for at least an hour.  Really cool dude.  So funny.  I don’t remember all the details.  I got his number but he didn’t reply to my text the next day.  Oh well.  At least I collected another job.

Hmm.  Eventually me and Truck leave the bar and run into the lair dudes again.  The dude drives us home which was super cool.  It’s all hazy.  Someone texted me this week saying they met me that night.  I am not sure who he is, but I guess I’ll find out when I’m back in town.

Overall it was a really fun night.  I love drinking and I love hanging with Truck.  Can’t wait to move in with him next month.  Two makeouts is a bit of funny, but nothing too crazy.  I’m crashing with my folks til the end of the month, when I move into my new apt.  I wanted to wait until after I get my first paycheck at my new job.  So logistics were brutal.

I spent 24 hours celebrating my 29th birthday with a host of my lovely friends.  I have to say that it was one hell of a crazy and hectic night…ok it lasted two nights. I started by hitting White Wedding.

At least 30 or 40 lovely people showed up just for me.  From TeaBag to YumYum.  It was really amazing.  I remember a lot of shots and cocktails.  I cut the sleeves off my tuxedo to show off my glamour muscles.

I put a new temp tattoo on my right bicep.  Lord of the Rings.  One ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them.  Let’s be honest.  I looked badass redneck.Originally ghost was gonna cut off his sleeves too, but of course at the last minute he chickened out.  He’s a great housemate, but he just lacks the power to go full awesome.  I was chilling with some lovely people and then YumYum finally shows up.  And he has cut off his entire shirt.

Attention stealing bastard.

Everyone really looked great.  I met a ton of people and took a ton of pictures.   At one point I did a ten minute photo session upstairs.  Only one of the photos got posted to their site, but it looks awesome and it’s my new facebook profile photo.  Unfortunately, they ended the party at like 130.  And I think we all know that that is way too soon.  So Iceberg dropped a bunch of us off at Cable. I have never been to the club before, but the girl with us was worried that we wouldn’t get in with our outfits.

I gotta say that is was one filthy club and dropped the worst techno ever.  I swear I think they played only one record the entire five hours or something that we were there.  I met some girl at the bar with really cool boobs.  I must have chatted to her almost an hour.

Unfortunately, I was super drunk and she slipped through my fingers. I saw her again a few hours later, but wasn’t able to chat anymore.  I met some other girls through Ghosts “friend.”  They were calling me Hitch, so I knew I would have to yap about work.  In my experience talking about work with girls gets them excited, but also keeps my dick outside of their vaginas.  I was so hammered, but this still proved to be the case.  One of the girls was cute, but no dice.

Around 6 or something Ghost, YumYum and I decide to call it quits.  Ghost was ready to leave the moment we walked in anyways.  So we left his “lady-friend” and jumped in a taxi. I throw YumYum on the couch and hit the sack.

By noon he is crawling into my bed and trying to convince me to go to the Church.  This is a crazy Australian day club in north London.  Everyone wears costumes and drinks a ton of Fosters.  At first I was hating it.  Most of the girls weren’t that pretty and I hate drinking beer.  It’s just so much hard word to get twisted!  Even in my debauchery I like to be efficient.

At some point October and Machine joined us.  I chatted to Machine about the possibility of living together in Hawaii in a few months.  That would be super badass.  So we chat up some girls for a bit and eventually a girl pulls my shirt off.  At this point things start to get a bit hazy.  I found pictures of me kissing at least 5 different girls in my camera.  Which is a pretty good result. After Church closed we went to a Walkabout in west London.

That bastard YumYum kept buying vodka and redbull.  You should never have more than one of these in a single day.  For real. So we were partying and kept meeting new girls all over this joint.  I kissed two really pretty girls.  But I only know this from my camera.  Glad I brought it for once!  I lost Yums for at least an hour in there somewhere.

I remember I was outside talking to a really hot black girl and we just started making out.  Then Yums comes out and is really crying.  He can’t find either of his jackets and he’s cold. So I leave the girl behind to help him.

We look all over the club and after 30 minutes find his gear.  Right as the joint is closing.  For some reason I actually got this girls number, which I never do, and I started texting her.  I was taking care of Yums, who had been blacked out for hours and was making a scene in front of McDonalds.  I can only say that it was pretty special.

Finally, I am like dude you HAVE to let me try and get laid.  I walk off to find my girl.

Needless to say I get the most dramatic phone call of my life from him.  He is on about how I’ll never see him again and he’s going off to war and he loves and misses me.  It was insane. I find the girl and get a few kisses out of her.  She goes home with her friends though and I am left stranded hours from my apartment.

I have missed the last train based on false intel from YumYum! I end up waiting almost an hour for a bus to my house and of course some dude starts talking to me at the bus stop.  He gives me a flyer to LOOK AT and then takes it back.  I really wanted to throw it away and he stole that right from me!!!

I gotta say it’s impressive how people can start a conversation with someone on the street and end by asking for spare change.  My 2nd time in a week at a bus stop.   I’m sure you remember the guy last week who threatened to knife me and then asked for change.

People are pretty drawn to my awesome. I have a date with the black girl later today.  She might cancel as I just posted my facebook pics from the festivities….Or maybe she will be glad that she was the last girl I kissed on my bender.  Also, my tongue was super sore from a full day!

Saturday I finished my dissertation while October slept. I actually slept really good on his couch. Go figure. I mean I honestly had a pretty good time last night and some of that stuff was really funny. Obviously I would have preferred to get my dick wet, but I am all about enjoying the journey.

We spend the day lying on the couch watching comedy central. I forgot what its like to have cable. It was so nice to just do nothing. I am texting this girl back and forth and deciding about coming back to London to see her. In the end I am seeing her Sunday night so I get one more night in Cambridge.

We drink these homemade concoctions of October’s. I rate the guy in a lot of ways but if he offers you a drink, you should say no. I swear I thought he’d poisoned me. On the walk to the clubs I realize I have 13 different kinds of alcohol in my stomach. It was roiling. How often do I get to use that word? October didn’t believe me that it was a real word.

We get to the bar and the lair dudes are there and there is actually one girl with them. She seemed nice enough. Didn’t really get to talk to her though. Stuff started happening hard and fast. This one dude tells us how there are 2 crazy chicks, one hot and one not so much there. Then the not cute one rolls up to talk to him. We start chatting I mean whatever I wanna get my jaw moving.

She was so huge it was unbelievable.  But we are yapping.  October is just leaning against the rail being silent and smooth.  Either that or the poison he drank with me is acting up in his stomach too.  Three cuties stand next to the big girl and she starts saying how she has the same top as one of them.  The girl probably weights 90 pounds.  And their outfits look nothing alike.  I see this as an easy way to upgrade my set.  So I keep saying what are you talking about and then she says something to the girl.  She turns back and tells me she is bored of me and October.  She is going to find more interesting people to talk to.

I jump at the three new girls.  I start talking to the cute, small one.  Tell her what the crazy big girl was on about.  She was freaked out at first when some fat girl started pointing at her.  We chill in this set for a bit and I find out the girl is a rugby player.  A wing.  Whatever that means.  All I know is I think it’s sexy as hell.  We chat to these girls for a while, but I think Oc drifts off.  They tell us to meet them at some club later.  They might have even invited us along, but we we are hoping to stay in this bar til closing.  Just keep it simple.

We go back inside and see a ton of cute ladies.  We decide to do our old trick and start throwing up shapes all over the bar.  Put out a little bait and the girls in this town open us like crazy.  Girls are taking pictures of each other.  October jumps into the back of one and then a few minutes later one of the girls wants a pic with us on either side.  She has the right idea.  We would never force a girl to choose between us.  We know how to share.

We bounce around the bar a bit.  Neither one of us can get a set open.  Again.  It’s so weird.  Fortunately girls keep opening us.  The bar runs out of girls.  They all seem to hit this bar and then go to clubs.  So we head off in search of another club.  The lair is going to one place.  We peel off.  Sometimes a 2man strike team is ideal.

We pass Vodka Revolution.  It’s full of girls.  We gotta pay a few coins to get in but fuck it.  We wanna have fun.  We get inside and I realize that none of the girls are that cute.  We end up outside having a smoke.  I try to open a few girls by sitting next to them, but we get zero love.  I can’t get more than a grunt out of girls here.  Two girls on the other side start pointing at Oc.  I engage them and find out they are talking about girl medical issues….I accelerate and get one sitting next to me.  She looks like a bird.  Chat chat chat.

They invite us to come dance with them.  We say we’ll be inside in a bit.  We bounce around and can’t get any sets opened.  Then these two girls come outside for a smoke.  I get Oc to ask them for a light.  No one is responding to me.  He almost gets them to come over and give us one.  We start talking to them.  Holy crap one of them is so beautiful.  He nickname is Kate Moss and I can see why.  The other girl tells me about her dragon tattoo right above her vagine.  Talk about a dream set.  One beautiful and one kinky.

We chat to them for a long time.  There is a third one that Oc is keeping busy.  It’s a true shame.  One extra.  I am chatting to these two for a while.  They are so cute.  We have some really good dialog and they invite us into dance.  We say we’ll be inside in a bit and develop a game plan.  It’s really smooth.  We both are worried that we will have a repeat of last night, as soon as we walk up the girls will walk away.  Or run away.

We go inside and drop some shapes near the edge of the dance floor.  Two girls are grinding on each other near us trying to get a ton of attention.  One even grabs my tie.  We don’t even bother reacting.  I just can’t be drawn into their game.  Plus the last two girls were so much cuter.  We just can’t find our girls on the dancefloor.  Finally we decide to go searching.

We find them near the back.  They are super cool and love our shapes.  We all get some drinks and chat etc.  It’s all really cool.  At one point the two cuties wanna go smoke and me and Oc are about to go with them.  The 3rd girl says something really amazing that made us stop in our tracks.  “I know I’m not as cute as my friends but please stay with me.”  She didn’t wanna stay watching the drinks all alone.

I really respect when people are real.  So we danced and chilled with her etc.  It was cool.  The other girls back and we keep on having a good time.  Somehow October and I really can’t tell what’s going on.  We keep on dancing and just having a cool time.  I facebook close the beautiful one.  Me and Oc go outside for a smoke and we end up next to a ton of people having a fight.  We have to wait ages to get outside.  Then a huge swarm of people are fighting in the street.

A girl comes over to talk to the two of us and stay away from the fight.  One of her friends is really cute.  So we are trying to get them all to join us.  The cops roll up and it’s a whole situation.  The club closes.  We manage to get back in to look for the girls.  We run into them at the top of the stairs and we all decide to hit another club.

October gets us into one where he used to work and the girls are super impressed.  It’s just a cool night.  More dancing etc.  More stuff happened but I’m tired of typing.  He got the dragon vagina girl’s number and then eventually they jump in a taxi.  I think we should have tried to get them to October’s house but we didn’t try enough maybe.  Hard to be sure.  There was just one extra girl and there were zero sexual vibes.

Hopefully we will connect with these girls again.  I’m hoping the beautiful girl comes down to London to party soon.  Either way it was really amazing.  I am definitely going to spend some more time in Cambridge.

I was sitting at home after my night in the brothel and hitting Movida with gsand. I was thinking about how sick I am of finishing my bastard dissertation and I was like fuck it. So I called October and was like I’m thinking of coming to Cambridge to see whats up. 2 hours later I was on the train with my little eee pc. I worked on my diss like crazy.

We chilled at his house for like 2 hours or something then headed into town. I ended up meeting the whole Cambridge lair. It was like I have heard about other lairs. The guys stood in a circle all night without doing any sets. At one point I did get a guy to open a set. He ended up pointing at me at some point, which I saw coming. I came over and instantly the friend liked me. I don’t know what that dude said but her friend suddenly was like we have to leave NOW.

But that was later in the night. At first I was just standing in a circle with these dudes. They were like ok guys I guess. Only one guy all night asked me a question. I was really surprised. I mean considering people pay me good money for instruction in London I thought these dudes would take advantage of my knowledge or at least ask me about meeting Sinn or something. But nope. I dunno I doubt it’s that I’m intimidating.

After a bit I grabbed October to hit the bar. I was like bro we gotta get opening. First thing I learned in Cambridge. I cannot open in this town. My normal openers were bouncing off concrete. It was really weird. I have a lot more respect for October’s success now. This is honestly a tough town to game in. the thing is, I think a lot of guys use that as an excuse. I was like dudes I just gotta figure this place out and adapt.

The students are still out of town so it was seriously chavvy. And you know I like chav girls. The thing is they have so much attitude. Its always opposite date with them. Like the prefer a poor angry dude to a rich smooth guy. It’s just about adaptation though. Not complaining. As you will see when we get to night two.

To get pumped October and I started throwing some serious shapes near the front door of the bar. We do it about ten minutes and bounce around the bar. No sets are sticking and then at one point this girl eye fucks the shit out of me. She actually stops October. To be honest I assumed she was eyefucking him. He was close enough that I couldn’t be sure and I just assume he’s cuter than me. These two girls loved our shapes.

So we sit down and start talking to them. I spend about an hour in set I think. Chatting about this and that. The girls are really interesting and tell us how we dont fit in this bar. We seem to emo. That’s what happens when I borrow October’s hair products!! his girl was not nearly as cute as mine. But he put in some serious effort. I gotta say that October is def one of the best wings in the UK. Maybe the world.

I take my girl to the bar to get the next round of drinks. It takes ages. I open this really cute chav girl behind me and it bounces off. She is actually aggressive with me. Chav girls just don’t see reality the same way. So I am back chatting to my girl. She is cute but not amazing to be totally honest. Rather than meander with longass details, we chatted to them, facebook close, number close and then eventually split up with the possibility of seeing them in a club later.

We run back into the lair guys. They still aren’t talking to girls. I think the element that is missing is that they don’t push each other. That’s what wings really have to do. It’s more important to me to push October into set. Because then he will push me. We had a good rhythm of alternating going though.

Oh shit. I forgot my first set. I see 2 girls. Both wretched and I’m like Oc lets warm up on them. They have 2 wine bottles and 2 giant vodkas. Turns out they were more beautiful on the outside than on the inside. The super fat one says ‘make yourself useful!’ and has me carry one of her bottles to another table for her. I did it because I wanted to write about it here. It was so funny. It just shows if you believe hard enough anything is possible. Normally I would have never talked to a girl so gross and I would have just walked away from someone who tries to get me to carry her shit like a monkey. But I really wanted to see how it would play out.

Ok back to the present. October and I are upstairs. We see two girls that I can only describe as insanely beautiful. We are bitching about who is going to open. And the girls come over to bum a cigarette. I’m like thank you god!!!

I talk to my girl for 30 minutes. She is super close ot my face. She is so beautiful. I def snapped a pic together later. The set went super well and me and oc both thought it was on. The girls invite us to see them later at a different club and we are like maybe.

We walk around the club and all the girls are gone. So we decide to try some other clubs. We hit three different clubs and get into 2 of them for free somehow. I was wearing trainers but somehow I got away with it. Wicked.

In one club we see the really cute girls. They see us walk by and run over to say hi. It seems so on. We go grab a coupla drinks and walk over to them. Suddenly something is off. We have no idea what. The girls just don’t talk to us and walk right out of the club. We have no idea what the fuck just happened.

I still have no idea. I had a number of one girl from the group and a facebook of the girl I really liked. Needless to say my text the next day got no love. And no facebook add either. But seriously. Normally when I fuck up I have a clue. But me and October still dont know.

So we hit another club because there are no girls in this one. We see the first set of the night. The two girls who stopped us because they loved our shapes. They see us and actually leave the club too. What the shit?

We are beyond baffled. Our stock suddenly crashed. So we keep on trying with new girls. At one point October is outside and talking to these two girls. I walk up and they instantly run away. I was like damn dude. Maybe it’s me?

We still aren’t sure. Actually maybe he is at home right now flaming me on his blog. Haha. On the way home we realize that we didn’t successfully open a single set all night. Our sets all opened us. Even the two girls that ran away from me had come up to him to bum a cigarette.

I nearly head back to London for a date with a new girl, but move it to Sunday. We decide to come out in our dress up duds instead of our cool guy outfits. Aka button down shirt and tie for me and vest for him (American vest, can’t remember the stupid uk word right now). Lets just say we had a much better night Saturday.

So last Friday my good friend the Egyptian had his birthday party.  It was awesome. I got a chance to rock my fedora and it turns out it looks really good.  Inspiral and Tea Bag threw the pre AND after parties.  They had the most amazing costumes and if you are a facebook mate, you can check out the badass pics on my profile etc.

So I was sitting there chilling with one of my students/friends when Tea Bag’s boss comes out.  She was dressed as a bloody Alice with a butcher knife.  The moment I saw her, I knew I wanted her.  My first instinct was to dive in and game her.  But I knew that wouldn’t work.  I basically ignored her.  I saw she changed at Tea Bag’s house and so I knew she would be back later to change again.  I also want to wait to see how social situations pan out.  In a social circle situation, it is VERY important to see the lay of the land before you step on any toes.

So she is French and there is another younger French girl from Tea Bag’s office there.  At the party we all stick together a bit and chat.  I just want to be the cool guy who is around, but not around too much.  So I chat to her here and there throughout the night.  Whenever one of my homies wants to chat to her I back off.  I love giving girls to my good friends.  Sometimes Tea Bag would hand off a girl to me and I would hand her off to Inspiral, who then introduces her to the Egyptian and walks off.  Basically, we don’t care who a girl hooks up with, as long as it’s a mate.

I met the most amazing Indian girl at the party.  She was 35 and really sexy and lovely.  I chatter to her a bit and we started talking about tattoos.  I was wearing a button down shirt but she wanted to see the dragon on my arm.  So we went to a dark corner and I went nearly topless to show her.  Then I asked if she had a tramp stamp.  She turned around and told me to check.  I pulled the back of her shirt up to her bra and then I pulled down her jeans more than halfway down her ass.  Result – no tattoo back there (and also no panties).  At this point I was getting hard and the sexual energy between us was getting strong.  Just in the dark being naughty… and my student runs up to join us.  Now my students are always my first priority, but damn it was so on….

I chat to him a bit to go over his sets and how his night is going and the girls he is loving etc.  I lose the energy with my lovely Indian Princess and she walks off to talk to her mates.

Later on I reopen and we chat a little.  I try to drag her to dance, but it just doesn’t happen.  I struggle a little bit to rebuild what we had.  It was going ok.  I leave on a high note with a plan to push it further in a bit.  Unfortunately, she left the party at 11 and I failed to get her number.  I did add her on facebook the next day and a few days later asked the Egyptian to text her on my behalf.  No dice yet…

So then I go back to the Boss.  We chat and sometimes this one dude from my Tea Bag’s office is all over my nuts.  I can’t just punch him in the face, but I really wanted to.  He was exaclty like this chode in a story I read on Tucker Max’ blog.  He would follow me around and just keep trying to cock block me with girls all night.  Tea Bag told him what I do for a living as a way of trying to build my value, but this guy is a total value vampire.  At one point he told Inspiral I was talking shit about him.  I was really upset as he is one of my heroes.  But he immediately dismissed the idea and the Chode.  He said I would never do that.  Phew.

Chode tells me to leave him alone with Alice and even stands in the way.  He tells me to take off with the younger French girl, so I do.  We start dancing and having a really nice time.  I have disqualified her so hard that she is just happy to chill with me.  I think I might over-DQ in social settings and I might need to readjust it.  It’s so powerful.  So then Chode gets upset and leaves the other girls to come cockblock me.  He would prefer to prevent me from getting any action.  Rather than get his own. In a way that is amazing.

So we go to the after-party and it is a lot of dudes.  One of Tea Bag’s mates is about to fight a dude for grabbing his girlfriend’s breast.  I stay to back him up and he convinces the other dude to just go home and avoid the conflict.  I don’t know the dude that well, but a friend of Tea Bag’s is a friend of mine.  Inside Alice is making out with some other girl who keeps bragging that she doesn’t wear panties.  This instantly divides the room into two types of guys: the guys who get all turned on and the guys who have sex in their life and ignore it.

I know a trap when I see one.  These girls massively want attention.  I just ignore them and even push them out of the way to go to the other room.  At this point Chode tells me that see, I have been wasting my time all night.  I tell him that the game isn’t nearly over.  It is just getting started.  He keeps following the two girls around while they make out in the hopes that they will decide they need a guy.  Please don’t forget that Alice is Chode’s boss.  So he has double no chance.

I go outside later and the two girls are just chatting.  I join in and they start giving me sexual shit-tests.  They are saying extreme sexual things to see how I react.  Instead of getting excited I just talk about my fetishes in the same way I talk about work or video games.  Just normal conversation.  The 2nd girl tells me how much she loves anal and actually calls herself a ButtSlut.  I have never heard someone say this word out loud in real life before.  It was an experience.

Then guess who sees us having a nice time and has to pull a kamikaze.  That’s right.  Captain Chode.  He comes over to tell me that I’m still wasting my time mate.  Now when a guy you don’t know calls you mate in England it means he wants you to punch him in the face.  Instead, I go off and talk to Tea Bag to find out what is wrong with this dude.  Turns out being and AFC is a way of life for this dude.  He does the same shit to Tea Bag.  But I guess tonight is my special night.

I go back into the living room and the 2nd girl is chilling on the couch with Inspiral.  I try to see where he is going with it.  I THINK he wasn’t trying to play so I slide onto the couch.  Within 5 minutes she is feeding me crisps and then her legs are across mine and she feeds me one from her mouth.  Like in Lady and the Tramp but actually not that sexy.  Hehe.  Alice comes in and freaks out and starts accusing me of a V-Block.  I offer to get outa her way but she just goes back outside.

I chill with this girl until she passes out and since I way prefer Alice, everything is all good.  I just keep playing it cool and then I slide Alice around a corner and shove my tongue into her mouth.  It was so cool.  I played slow ball and it was working great.  I can tell we wanna get outa there, but there are only like 4 people still around.  Tea Bag walks around the corner, sees us and just walks away.  Translation – he is awesome.  Chode comes through the door and makes a comment to make her really uncomfortable.

It turns out she is hooking up with her boss and suddenly she is worried that Chode will tell on her and make her life bad.  That is the energy of this guy.  After a night of telling me I have no chance, he discovers that he was wrong.  Just confidence and persistence can take you a LONG way.  So we go back and just chill with everyone.  Chode is seething and keeps trying to stir trouble.  No one is paying attention to him anymore.  Alice has to leave and I go and get some more kisses on the stairs.  Tea Bag accidentally cockblocks me by carrying all her bags to her taxi and making sure she gets in ok.  Now that is totally acceptable.

He was looking out for his friend and boss.  He has a good heart.  She tells me to get her number off Tea Bag and I’ll see what happens.  I forget to do it until today, Wednesday, so I just texted her this morning.  She is on vacation this week, so I will see if she replies.

Either way, making out with your friend’s boss is pretty awesome in my book.  PoW!

So I am chilling on Saturday morning and my phone starts blowing up.  gsand wants to meet near Waterloo for some day game and Tea Bag is going into central for some costume shopping.  I throw on my clothes, get wicked high and meet gsand.  It takes ages to find him.  We meet up with 7/11 after a bit too.  Walking up and down the boardwalk for two hours, no hotties.  Bad luck.

Then I cruise up to meet Tea Bag and my damn bus gets diverted.  So annoying.  We finally link up and mess around in a few shops then grab some sweet Chinese for lunch.  He tells me about a party he’s going to where everyone dresses up like it’s a bad wedding.  Super eighties style.  The vibe is amazing and the girls are so cool.  So I text my student and my lesbian sidekick and tell them tonight is gonna be wicked.  My lesbian can’t make it as she needs to rest and ironically spends the night having “the talk” with a girl she is only mildly interested in.  Shame!

I am like thirty minutes late, but when I get there the party is awesome.  It is at least six girls for every guy.  My student is hating it for some reason, but I force him to stay and he gets laid.  But this story is about me. Ha!

The first smoking hot girl I see at the bar.  Wow.  Short.  Brunette.  Piercing green eyes.  Sexy black hat with lace.  Perfect body.  I tell him to open her and her friend.  My student hesitates and the friend just raises her arm and points right at my face.  I think there is no way anyone is that rude, she must be pointing behind me.  So I step to the side.  The finger follows me.  So I step forward and dive in.  They are two super cool girls and immediately are loving me.  I chat and chat.  There is someone throwing the bouquet so I tell the brunette to go win it.  Unfortunately, a guy in a dress gets it because he is so damn tall.

I don’t see her again for a while.  So I meet a blond who looks like Clair Danes.  Everytime I tell my student to open a girl, she sees him hesitate and opens me.  This is one weird magical venue.  I was loving it!  I see that they won’t take this girls card.  So I just say, they don’t take card here?  She goes no, come with me to the cash point.  I had been trying to get my student in and I couldn’t think of a way to get her to go with him instead of me.  So we went and chatted.  She was really sexy.  She mentions a boyfriend she lives with and asks if I’m gay in the first five minutes.  It’s nice to get the bs out of the way.  She is like amazing you have to date my sister.  I walked onto the set of beauty and the beast.  I won’t describe the sister, but that is enough.

Me and Clair Danes slip away and hit the dance floor for a bit.  It’s nice.  I met a third girl who was standing next to me at the bar.  Don’t really know what I said.  But hey I’m LondonPaladin right?  Plus I looked amazing.  Everyone was complimenting me on the new way I did my hair.  I think I will be doing it like that every time I leave the house from now on.

I’m going to be honest with you right now.  There were several smoking hot girls I didn’t talk to that night.  I was simply overwhelmed.  Also, I’m the kinda guy who locks into one set for a night.  Rather than get like 6 numbers.  I was more like that a year ago when I was running traditional MM game.  Now that I’m really doing what’s natural for me, I like to just focus on one girl a night.  Just my personal style.  So these other two girls were just to chat with and have fun.

Over the course of the night I kept seeing this one big dude chatting all over my initial brunette.  I didn’t feel anything.  No jealousy or stress.  I saw her with him and my thought was ok, she’s busy I’ll chat to her later.  And whenever I would see her and her friend the pointer, I would rock up and dance.  We danced alone at several points during the night and it was just nice.  There is something about dancing with a beautiful woman that I enjoy.

So during this night I am also teaching my student about kino and escalation.  And eventually he leaves with his girl and I am damn proud.  Also I keep chatting and having a few drinks with my man Tea Bag.  He is having a blast with his girl. And also some of his other friends.

At the end of the night I’m outside chilling with the doorman who basically knew my be then because I kept coming outside with hot girls.  He was cool.  I see my beautiful girl going back inside.  She comes up to me and says to wait and she will be right back.  That’s kinda cool.  She takes ages and I finish my smoke, so I go back inside to chat to my friends.  I see she is talking to the big dude again.  So I go dance with my friends in a position where I can see her.  So that when she leaves I can see her outside.  The old me woulda been praying not to see her kiss this dude.  I mean I don’t know if I would have changed anything if they had.  I mean I kiss tons of girls.

So when I see her heading for the door, I beat her and we chat and chat.  I am leaning against the wall and she is close.  We are chatting and I’m trying to extract.  She has work the next day etc.  I keep pushing for it, but it’s just not quite there.  We are both close, but I’m not sure.  Then TeaBag and my mates come out and surround us and just watch.  From like 1 foot away.  TeaBag just says to her that he loves watching me talk to girls.  I could have killed him, if I hadn’t been doing so well.  We were connecting and I didn’t react so it didn’t matter.  I mean from the outside it’s a pretty funny move.

I get her number and it takes like 10 minutes.  I think my phone might be on the fritz.  Anyways, we get it all sorted and go back in to dance.  At one point I drop my final escalation bomb.  And she likes it.  I try to kiss hew a few times, but all I get is cheek.  It’s fine.  It’s just a matter of when.  Eventually she has to leave.  I rarely get numbers, but this one felt pretty solid.

Thirty seconds after she leaves I call her and ask if it’s too soon.  Hopefully, she realized how funny that is.  She said to give it a few days, so I’m gonna go old school and wait til Wednesday.  I think I am gonna shift my call style back.  These days I always text the next day.  More so I can remember which girl is which, but I think I need to start calling and waiting longer.  Either way, I had a beautiful experience with a stunning and intelligent woman. Safe.