I spent several hours last night updating my NLP with Bugsy Malone. We went through a ton of deep issues and I learned things that I did not know about myself. The whole process was really amazing and I have a couple of things to work on this week that will move me closer to my destination. I am going to start making a list of accomplishments in my life. These will become chapters in my new book. I am also going to prioritize my goals list for this year. I am going to do both of them today hopefully. I have a meeting with Jamie in an hour. He is my NLP guru, so I am looking forward to it.

Here are some of the accomplishments in my life that I have not thought about enough. (I will think of more later)

1. As a cub schout I won the pinewood derby for my entire pack. This was my whole school. At 7 I beat a ton of 18 year olds.

2. I am in MENSA. It took me years to get in.

3. I graduated uni in 3 years instead of 4.

4. I won the Latin medal in Latin III in high school. (After getting kicked out of honors..hehe)

5. I moved to Wales, Japan and the UK on my own and survived.

6. I won the high school debate tournament at Bronx School of Science. Which my school has never won before or since.

7. I qualified for the junior olympics twice in tae kwon do.

8. I started the first ever blood drive at my high school.

9. I have been with a woman funnier, better looking and better in bed than my oneitis.

10. I saved the soccer game in high school, when the main goalie broke his arm.

11.  I saved my friend from drowning.

12. I have DJed in clubs in the uk, japan and usa.

13.  I had a podcast in the top 10 on itunes

14.  As a DJ I havehad fan mail from all over the world.

15. I had a radio show in london.

16. I climbed 2 mountains in japan even though i'm afraid of heights.

17. I have partied with billionaires and not spent a penny.

18.  I was offered a job teaching uni.

19.  I was one of the top sales reps at dell.

20. I won the regional championships for nintendo video game tourney at blockbuster 2 years in a row.

21. I was a national merit scholar, with the highest score in my whole school on the psat with a 235

22.  I won university of georgia bulldog debates 2 years in a row.

23. I have been offered a record deal for 2 different tracks.

24. I talked my way out of jail in tunisia.

25. I spoke at the LoveSystems superconference.

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So I have to come up with a problem I want to work on using nlp stuff. I try to think of a problem to work on that isn’t totally game related. I decided to pick something really challenging that I think about a lot. Why not? It’s all or nothing. I told her about how I am really working on releasing my body issues. I thought it would be relevant since I was going to mexico the next day. I’m on the flight writing this on my little computer right now. So I told her 2 issues I want to break through. The main one is feeling fat. I want to become totally one with my body and not care if i’m fat or skinny. To just feel it as irrelevant. I also want to break through the barrier that keeps me from going to the gym as much as I should. After I ran 5km on monday, I didn’t go to the gym the rest of the week. I feel like I have this psychological block that triggers whenever I hit a certain weight. I don’t push myself that final level to get the body I want.

We did a ton of time line therapy, which is really emotionally draining. I won’t go into too many details, but we went back to the first moment I felt fat and talked through the emotions and the things I should have known back then as a child. We did this for a long time and I think I feel better today. We also talked about how I get mad when people call me fat. I got furious when a girl in class called me fat last week. So she wanted to do another time regression thing to the first time I ever got angry.

So more marching along that timeline. It was a real bastard. At first I couldn’t think of that moment and it all felt cloudy. In the end we got there and worked through it. I am supposed to not be as angry about stuff anymore. We did a future timeline thing to test if stuff was working. I was supposed to think of something that would make me angry, so I imagined my best friend banging my oneitis. And I got super furious. She was like I guess this isn’t working. Then I told the main teacher what I was imagining and she was like, no you’re supposed to get angry at that! Try something tamer. So I thought about peopl making me wait at ticket gates on the underground. I felt disconnected from my anger.

This whole thing is supposed to take a long time for change to happen so I guess I will see. I am not believing or disbelieveing. I’m in a state of simply not knowing yet. I hope it works. I will see how things go in mexico. So far I just feel really mellow. This morning I was really stressed about being late for my plane. Every train on the way to the airport was late. I wasn’t nearly as stressed as I normally get. And I didn’t get angry. I do hope that I can get even more mellow. I’m definitely more interested in quality nlp than ever. I like the parts that are focused on self improvement and improving connections with people. It’s much more interesting than the nlp stuff some guys teach that is focused on getting girls. I really don’t need that help right now. I want to improve me.

We did a 3^rd exercise to help me get through that barrier keeping me from going to the gym enough. So we did a drill to give me a motivation trigger. It seemed cool, but I don’t know if it worked yet. I really hope so. The lady asked me to tell Bugsy about my progress and he’ll let her know.

Overall it was a really good experience. I learned a lot and it was so emotionally draining and challenging. I think it was really good and I’m glad that he picked me to be his assistaant. Unfortunately, I had to rush off to see Watchmen, so I didn’t get to talk with him as much about it. I think that’s ok. I need a little more time to work through my emotions and experience. Anyways, I recommend exploring nlp as a path of self-improvement. I like that aspect of it.

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professional
graduate with merit or better for my ma
become a university teacher
write my ebook
convert it to ipod app
finish paladin seduction web page
finish all websites
finish comedy book
dj in a london club once a week by july
dj in ibiza
get interviewed on tv
build a mailing list

finish developing shane game
sports
stop drinking soda
fight a kickboxing match
run a 5k by July
run a 10k by December
go snowboarding
go to 2 mma fights
compete in martial arts
climb 2 mountains

social/personal goals
see 1 play a month
see 1 opera
see 1 ballet
see 2 magicians
see stand-up comedy 5 times
go to 3 trance festivals
go to a comic convention
go to an anime convention
go to a ufo convention
go to 10 raves alone
watch a movie in every European language
watch all of Fullmetal Alchemist in Japanese
go to a video game competition
go to a strongest man competition
try out for 10 tv game shows
compete on a tv game show
see top 10 Djs in the world
see #11-20 Djs
go to a trance festival in the netherlands

personal growth
take a survivalist course
kill an animal
reconnect with my religion
earn my nlp practitioner
get back hair lasered
learn all 2000 japanese kanji
pass level3 Japanese exam in December
collect 10 new flags
finish Project Rockstar reading list
go out with the Brazilians from kickboxing
ride in a helicopter
compete in a costume contest

sexual goals/expand horizons
go to a fetish store
go to a fetish party
go to a club topless
experiment with fetishes
-vampire
-sub
-public sex
-militaria
-asian
have anal sex
have a 3some (2 girls)
have sex in a club
kiss a princess
kiss a celebrity
kiss a professional athlete
kiss an olympian
explore tantra
video myself having sex
take sex pics

maybes
fight a stranger
compete in a video game comp
tantra weekend
put sex vid on internet

lifetime goals
parachute
parachute halo jump
backpack 1 month in europe

psycho-cyber goals
nice guy
women love me
popular
love my body
deep sense of self
back in touch with my religion
free from outside influence
leader

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She said the same things she said before we were intimate.  She doesn’t want a relationship right now and she just wants to have a lot of fun and be free.  She told me these things before anything happened and she called to say she still felt the same way.  My initial mistake was falling into her frame and thinking that if we sleep together we are in a relationship or about to start a relationship.

This put a ton of emotional pressure on both of us and pushed us apart not together.  I had a really good talk with my NLP guru Jamie last week and he totally prepared me for this situation.  I hadn’t understood how the simple bf/gf subtext was altering my behaviour.  It’s not good for me to go around with the mindset that I am taking applications for the position of Paladin’s girlfriend.  That turns fun dates into audtions.

I have been going around for a while now saying I want a girlfriend, and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that, it has pushed me a little too far in that direction.  I am more aware that what I want is to be someone who has awesome dates with beautiful women and is open to the idea of a relationship if and when it presents itself.

Anyways my talk with Jamie prepared me for my phone call tonight.  I knew she was being distant as she had denied my last 2 date attempts.  I let her explain her position to me and I responded by saying that I am on the same page as her and I don’t want relationship pressure with her.  I think she is really cool and amazing and I want her in my life without that unecessary elephant which we had created.  She was talking really seriously, so I told her she was talking to me and that we have fun together and she can relax.  She knows me in a personal way and can talk to me like that and not be all phone strange.  It really broke the tension and we relaxed.

By the end of the phone call she invited me to a party at her house this weekend.  I am actually away snowboarding in Austria with some really beautiful, cool girls I know and hopefully FreedomOfSpeech is coming along too.  He is waiting to hear from his boss tomorrow about getting permission to take days off work.  But I digress.

The lesson I learned today is that with enough skill and understanding, you can turn a phone call where a girl is dumping you into one where she invites you over.  I have also started working my way through psycho-cybernetics for real and I was reading today about practicing conversations in your mind in advance and how that can make the real deal easier.  Totally on the money.

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