So one of my recent guys and I have been hanging out a ton lately. There is nothing I enjoy more than hanging out with a student that I have turned into a badass wing and friend. Of course this is a story of a different sort.

On Saturday this dude was in a restaurant bar eating dinner alone when he sees three girls throwing back the drinks and decides to join in the conversation. It’s amazing how many epic stories start with just one little decision. The first step seems hardest of all, except when we look at it with hindsight.

Fast forward a few hours and he’s partying with them in their strip club and throwing back the overpriced cocktails. He gets the number of the loudest and craziest one after a night of intense partying and trouble making. He texts her the next day and gets no reply so he figures that it’s dead. C’est la vie.

Ever since I learned the right way to spell that, I love typing it.

Late night Sunday she texts him saying she wants to meet up on Monday. So he suggests taking her out to dinner and maybe a few drinks. She’s like how about we just chill at your place. This is the ultimate sign that she just wants to bang. She doesn’t even want the free dinner first!

But this is also where I’m crashing this week, since I’m visiting him. So I get the boot when she comes over. I drove 8 hours that day and I spend an hour falling asleep in a restaurant and then another hour trying to sleep by the pool while he’s doing his thing to her.

The finally chip off and I hit the sack. Right where he smashed her.

A few days later she wants to party and he tells her to bring one of her friends for me. So on Thursday I go out and get loaded up on booze and ready to party. He texts me a little later telling me they have some specific booze requests. Needless to say they want some gross watermelon flavored stripper booze. The lady in the WinnDixie knew exactly what was up. I made sure to have her tell everyone else in the store that I normally buy tough guy liquor.

So the girls go to some bar on the way back to our party pad and he goes to meet them on his way back from work. I have to cruise over from the apartment. A silly little 5 minute drive to meet them up. His girl is loud as hell and people are all moving away from her. She’s got about 15 piercings and 40 tattoos and she is the type of girl that shouts all the time. Right behind her and her buddy is a lovely pair of blonds that I just want to dive right into. But I gotta back my boy up and these girls are already coming back to ours.

The girl he got for me is a cute little brunette. As soon as I make eye contact with my dude we signal that we gotta get these girls outa public. It’s straight embarassing to be around girls that are so loud and obnoxious.

We bounce them back to the pad and start doing drinks. It’s quickly apparent that his girl runs the club where these girls dance. She’s one of those girls that shouts that she is an expert at everything. So she immediately takes over the drink pouring duties. If you like half your booze getting poured on the counter and drinks that taste awful, I can give you this girls contact details. It’s amazing how delusional some people can be.

I go back out with the friend to get some soda to mix with their drinks and I notice a bigass child seat in the back of her car. She’s like ya I got 2 kids and I live with my grandmother. I was like that’s awesome. Normally I would be way outa the scene by now. It’s just too much baby mama drama, but this girl’s body is tight.

Back in the condo we are blasting back drinks and I start escalating the hell outa my girl. I start talking to her about talents and she tells us all that her main talent is making her butt and snatch snap separately. She then stripped from the waist down and showed us. It was impressive but I’m not really sure how it was sexy. Way to scientific looking for me.

We are getting blasted and end up doing chicken fights in the pool. Tops are getting ripped off and our old creepy neighbor is watching like a hawk. He’s just circling the pool like my dog used to when it thought I was drowning as a kid.

We are getting completely dominated because the other team has like 50% more mass than us. So we keep working on strategies. In the final round I drop down super low, grab my friend’s dong, and then blast up so she can push the other girl over. We have a sweet victory.

I take her back inside and we start making out. I look at the door and I’m like do I need to lock that? I don’t really want to lose my groove so I ignore it. I pop her top off and I’m trying to reach behind me for a condom when the main stripper busts in and shuts us down. The girl is just shouting and wants more drinks.

So the mood is broken and we all are back outside chilling more. About 15 minutes later the blond stripper shouts that the 3 of them need to have a meeting in the condo. She runs over and locks me outa my own place. I was going to go hunting all night for ladies with one of my homies from London, and I even told him when I went home that something like this would happen to me.

So my homey had the first threesome of his life and even smashed in the brunette bareback in the bootie. That’s some serious shenanigans.

Like I always say, I get my students laid.

I’m damn happy for him but next time I’m hiding a book by the pool.

SEE, I can post stories where I’m not the hero.

First Encounter

So I’m out with my bro in law, well it’s my sister’s boyfriend but it’s super long term, and we hit the bars on Friday night.  I’ll shorten my usual lengthy intro and get to it.  I am just hanging out with him and not working girls but of course I end up talking to a professional sports team cheerleader.  I don’t wanna say which team or too much because I know you sneaks will figure it out….

Her chubby glum roomate is super lame but she doesn’t stop us from talking and doesn’t even force my bro to talk to her.  She lets him sneak off to call my sister.  So I chat to this girl for like an hour or so and she seems awesome.  We start talking about Orbital.  Now if a girl knows about Orbital I instantly like her.  Of course if her body is tight as a drum as well…..I think you get the idea.  She is digging on me super hard so I get the digits.  I can’t just go home with her because I got my bro with me and I am not putting him in that awkward situation.  I know he would just sit in the living room talking to the chubster, but my sis would be wicked mad.  I don’t need family drama.

So me and him slip off.  When I get home she starts blowing up my phone.  I’m so bored.  I have nothing to do.  etc….  She just dumped her boyfriend of a year and a half earlier that day.  She doesn’t say too much but I get the feeling the relationship was tumultuous.  I get a little bit of a Lifetime movie vibe.

She is smoking hot, so I wanna creep on her so bad.  I’m too drunk to drive over to her place and it’s just too complicated a situation.  The next night I’m going out with some new dude from the local lair.  I’m not teaching so I just go out to raise hell.  I know I’m gonna get drunk so I take a taxi to the bar.  The whole way there my cheerleader is blowing me up.  Text text text.  She agrees to meet me at 1am for a date.  I think we all know what that means.

First Date

So I hang out with the dude for a couple of hours, but that’s a sidestory.  She has to go home and change after her part time job.  I’m like I am sure you look fine etc….  I hate waiting.  But it was worth it.  She is wearing the tightest black dress of all time.  You can see everything.  All the guys are scoping her when she walks in and she comes straight up to me.  I get that full LondonPaladin feeling.  Like hell ya I still got it!  You know?  21.  Smoking hot. Cheerleader.  Into me.  It’s allll good.

So we have a couple of beers.  She kinda lets me know that her last boyfriend was super possessive and it was a problem.  I’m like babe I’m the opposite.  A bunch of guys she knows walk up and it’s clear they are orbiters.  Instead of my usual move of Tanking them (from My Best Friends Girl – great movie) I just tell her that I gotta use the bathroom and that they seem like really nice guys.  I disappear for like 20 minutes.  Some gorilla tries to start a fight with me in the toilets but my complete disinterest overwhelms him and he walks off.

I come back and we chill a bit more and then she’s like I guess it’s time to go home.  She asks how I got to the bar.  I let her know I have no car and she offers to give me a ride back to mine.  Ten minutes later we are back at her place.  We end up chilling on her porch and drinking beers for three hours or something.

I never felt that sexual spark.  Usually I just know in my guts when it’s time to go for it.  And I just never felt it.  it’s weird.  I can tell she’s attracted to me and I’m attracted to her, but the physical is just all off.  At 4am or so she tells me it’s time to drive me home.  We are now in her bedroom and I tell her that I hate that moment when we get to my house and it’s awkward and I’m like do I kiss her or do I not kiss her etc.  She is like I just broke up with a long term bad relationship yesterday so I’m not ready to do anything.

I’m a nice guy at heart and by now I have the feeling that things between them were physical and not in the good way.  So I’m not gonna pressure a girl who’s this damaged.

We get back to mine and I start to get out of the car and she’s like what?  I don’t get ANYTHING?  So I go for the kiss immediately and we have a high school style kiss.

I already know at this point that all signs point to crazy and that I should never talk to her again.  You just get that feeling.  Obviously I now can’t resist her.

We have plans to hang out Sunday but she sends me the friends text.  She tells me she is too damaged and needs time away from boys.  Yay!

Warning Signs

So come Friday I’m out at the bar with JohnnyC69 getting my wasted on.  I am friends with a part time model/bartender and she was hooking it up.  I know we did at least 6 or 7 free shots.  So it all got hazy.  At some point she came to meet up with us and I try to ditch Johnny.  Because I am an asshole.

But he comes back and joins us for a few minutes.  I’m hammered so my first thought is “this son of a bitch is creeping on my new toy” but really he was bored of the other girls around us.  He talks to us for ten minutes and he is like dude that girl has the lowest self esteem of all time.  You need to get out of here.  Stay away from her.  My attraction skyrockets because crazy girls know how to bring the noise in bed.

I’m so hammered that I then lose her talking to her friends.  Two underage girls start creeping on me because they think I’m with her.  It’s great.  All I remember is that she left without me and when I realize it and call her she’s gone home. I take a taxi home and consider my epic drinking problem.

Shutter Island

Saturday night at 1am.  8Days since first contact.

She calls me and says she’s bored and wants to see me.  She says all of her friends are out of town and she is lonely.  I am sitting in my room programming so what do you think I would rather do.  Some times I just think with my little brain.

I can’t really describe the course of events after I arrived.  Time lost all meaning in the vortex of insanity so I can only offer you some highlights.  And I promise you that this is at most 30% of the crazy shit she said.  It’s been two weeks and I am really trying to block it all out.

She opens her mail and finds a huge bill from the hospital.  She tears it up and says ‘let’s see those fuckers try and get me to pay when I’m dead.”

She tells me how she met a guy in the hospital with a big red mark on his neck.  He tried to hang himself.

She decided not to date him because “You shouldn’t date people you meet in the asylum.”

That’s right all you HATERS.  I found a girl who was actually in the mental hospital.  So don’t ever tell me you met a crazy girl until you meet a girl who got locked up for it!

She starts saying how she is texting with her ex again.  I instantly know she will get back together.

He is a really good guy.  He just gets super jealous because he is really insecure and doesn’t realize what a great guy he is.

He is almost 30 and basically unemployed but he’s just finding himself.

She isn’t allowed to go out or be near any other guys because he gets really jealous.  He cheated on his last girlfriend a LOT so he knows that it’s easy to cheat.

When he goes out with his friends he turns off his phone and he yells at her.  He needs his own space and privacy.  I point out at this point that he is 100% cheating on her and she explains that no – she is too hot to be cheated on.

She concludes this story by saying that yes he hit her.  But only once.  And it was really her fault for starting it.  And he will never do it again.

At this point she goes from calling him her x to calling him her boyfriend.  That’s right.  That set of stories made her want to get back with him.

She went on about how he’s her first true love and she’s willing to work really hard and just wishes he would work really hard too.  She also mentions that she loves to watch Lifetime movies.  I laugh and tell her she’s living one.

Then things started getting really crazy.

It’s all such a blur I wish I had recorded it.

I finally wanted to leave because I was just so bored after an hour of this.  She blocked the window with her leg.  Yes.  You go in and out through the window.  And is like you can’t leave me right now.  She intimates that she might kill herself if I leave.

I am really turned on be emotional blackmail.

But don’t worry.  It’s all getting better.

She starts telling me about the girl’s she is friends with that I should meet.  Like the one who had a baby last month but put it up for adoption.  Or the girl she got kicked out of high school with.

The whole time I am texting JohnnyC69 telling him what to tell the cops when they find my body in the woods.

The highlight of the evening was at dawn.  I am still trying to leave.  So she fakes appendicitis.

I am not even joking her.  She starts screaming and telling me she has unbelievable pain in her side.  Now I’m freaked out that if I leave she might die.  I do not want that conversation with the cops.  Especially with my fingerprints on the window and shit.

So I keep googling medical stuff on my phone and telling her that it might be an STD.  Some of them have the side effect of insanity.  she says this isn’t possible.  Finally the pain just goes away after 2 hours.  The longest 2 hours of my life.  And I got trapped inside a rollercoaster in Japan.   By myself.  This was worse.

She tells me that she can’t wait to hang out again.  I tell her that I will never see her again.  As I’m leaving I do try to get one last kiss.  I mean come on.  I am still a little bit of a creep.  She explains that our first kiss is the only time she’s ever cheated on her boyfriend and doesn’t want to do it again.  She asks if we can just be friends.

Um.  I don’t need friends that I fear will cut me in my sleep.  But thanks.

What I did wrong

First of all.  Her attraction was diminishing by the moment after our first encounter.  The sexual spark was there that first night and each time after that was less and less.  Why you ask?  Because this girl is bat shit crazy and wants to get back with her ex because he treats her bad.  Which is her fetish.

I needed to go home with her that first night and have that rebound sex and then never talk to her again.

I also ignored all the warning signs.  I actually screen for crazy pretty hard when I meet girls.  Then I ignore my warnings.

That first night at her house I could feel it happening.  I was thinking too much comfort + not enough physical = let’s be best friends!

Now the reason the physical is off is because she is attracted to abusive relationships.  This means that all of her physical signs and signals are off.  I don’t speak that language so I don’t know how to turn her on.  That’s why we ended up with me becoming like an orbiter.

I kept going back after I knew she was crazy.  I basically live for the adventure.  I went over to her house because I knew it would be a great blog post.

Final Thoughts

It’s just not worth it.  I have access to lots of beautiful women.  I need to avoid this type of girl.

Also, I cut out HUGE portions of her terrifying stories.  I didn’t even tell you anything about her mom or her several crazy dads.  So when you see me in person, feel free to ask!

I have gotten a ton of positive feedback from my previous post about photos, so here is part 2.

You have one or several hot girls ready and willing to take a picture with you.  Now you need to learn how to avoid looking like a dick.
Let’s be honest – most guys end up looking like dicks in club photos.  But before I start hating on poses, I want to talk about the concept of archetypes.  Just like there are personalities or looks, there are poses.  We know what a rocker dude or a punk looks like.  But also we can look at a photo and decide what relationship the two people in the photo have – are they brother and sister, lovers, is he an orbiter…etc.

The Hero Pose

I want to start with one of the most alpha picture archetypes.  Have you ever seen this movie or this awesome poster?  It expresses a few things.  The man is super alpha and the woman is super dependent on him.  Look how much lower she is.  When a woman’s head is at the level of your cock or below, well, the picture really speaks for itself.  This picture is actually a parody of a classic archetype.

Most people don’t know this, but it’s a parody of a picture of Conan.  If you are under 25 maybe you don’t know what I’m talking about.  But before the movies with Arnie, there was Conan the Barbarian – the comic book.  The guy who did the covers for those comics was so famous that he he his own damn museum now.  I saw a tv show about it.  It’s where I learned that he was the first person to paint this pose.

Here the woman’s head only comes up to his knee.  So this guy looks about 5 times tougher.  The good thing about reading my posts is that you learn about more than just game.  This is one of the posters that the dude in Unbreakable would have KILLED to have in his shop.  So we can see how a single photo can express dominance.

But this lesson is actually about head height.  The lower a woman’s head is in proportion to the man, the more dominant he appears in these pictures.  The original Conan seems way more dominant than  Ash does in his poster.  Also please note how the women pose their hips.  Hips is EVERYTHING – but we’ll dig more into that later.

The Love Pose

Now a lot of guys go for the WRONG pose in the club.  Or in general.  They go for a boyfriend/girlfriend pose.  Do not use a picture as a chance to look needy.  You don’t want to take pictures to post on facebook to prove to your grandmother that you have a girlfriend and you aren’t gay.  You will subcommunicate the wrong information when you do a love pose with a non-girlfriend.

Now look at the shape their heads are making.  Can you see the heart?  That’s right.  They are forming a heart with their faces – what you guys can’t see it?  Goddamn.  It’s really hard to help dumbasses but ok I’ll go the fucking extra mile here.

Look at it NOW!

If you can’t see the heart now, well, you’re fucking dead to me.  But seriously I want you to think about it.  What’s wrong with this picture.  Look how close their faces are but there is ZERO sexual tension.  It doesn’t look like they are about to kiss does it.  I mean obviously this is a posed photo, but that’s why it’s useful to study.  This photo was put together by a professional photographer and 2 professional models to send the message -”These Two Are In Love.”  And as you can see photos of love are NOT photos of sexuality.

Ok let me break it down. She is touching him and the way he’s holding her hand is either defensive or emotional.  What we want to see is his arm on her chest.  It’s way more dominant and guess what?  Dominance = Sexuality for men.  The real problem is the heart they are making with their faces.  His mouth and chin are as far away from her as possible.  The way their foreheads are touching.

Well, if you have ever studied jujitsu, they are locking together in a fighting stance.  If he goes in for the kiss, she can just keep moving her forehead.  It’s a pivot she can use to keep him away.  In this photo he has handed her ALL of his power.

In my last post I talked about telling a girl to stare into your eyes for a photo and pretend you are standing on the Eiffel Tower.  I realize now that a shitload of young pickup artists might start posting shitty photos like this one.  We don’t want to be emasculated, do we???

Now look at this next photo -

The Cute Couple

This guy is another pussy.  He is giving her more than she is giving him.  He is leaning on her shoulder and she is pulling away a little.  Now to be fair she might be doing this so that his photo can be in the picture….

How many of you think his arms are around her?  All of you right?  That’s because we have another standard photo archetype here.  The relationship.  The cute couple.  This is totally fine if you are taking a picture for Modern Virgin magazine and talking about how you bought promise rings and are keeping the Prom Promise but you’re gonna get married when you both turn 18.  Am I being to subtle here?

The main lesson to learn form this photo is that you have to control your energy.  He is giving her more than he’s getting.  His whole body is aimed at her and her body is aimed AWAY from him.  Now if she turned her head and kissed his cheek or at least faced him, the energy could equalize.  But this is the kinda pose you see ravers taking at 4 am with their girlfriends.  I know this because it used to be me.  Again the key word is GIRLFRIEND.

He can afford to take this picture with her because it’s his girlfriend, but if it’s a girl her met that night.  This pose will plant the wrong seed in her mind.  She will think he wants to be her boyfriend.  And we don’t want to send that message on the first night.

The Sexy Couple

The last photo was actually titled “cute couple” and this one is called “two lovers.”  This is an amazing pose and this artist is so talented that I am actually a little aroused just looking at it.  You know why this picture is so amazing.  First, her head is FINALLY lower than his.  I bet you guys didn’t notice, but in the last set of photos the girls were all equal head height with the men.  Awesome, they have an equal partnership.   And their pictures look like shit.

THIS is a fucking couple.  Look how much sexual energy there is.  His arms are around her in a protective pose.  But the reason this one is amazing is the way she is touching him back.  That’s right she is returning the kino.  Or reverse-kino.  Depends what term you use.  To be fair I say reverse-kino a lot.  I’m hoping that I made the term up as kind of a joke but who knows.

Also her hips are a little tilted toward him.  At least that’s the impression the photo gives us.  Her head is tilted TOWARD him and not toward the camera.  That’s sexy.  They aren’t posing for the camera.  This is a photo of them LIVING.  If you can get a girl into this pose you are a fucking god.  Girls won’t ever let me take this photo because by the time we are in this pose she totally knows that I will use the pic in one of these educational blog posts.  HAaha.  Acutally I would have used all pictures of me but fucking iphoto broke again.  I swear that program pisses me off.

The Aphex Twin

People who know me eventually ask about the face I make when I’m posing with girls.  I always base my photos on my man, Aphex Twin.  If you don’t know who he is, well then you’re life is empty.  His techno videos from the 90s were so fucked up.  He has one where he’s in a limo with two girls.  And then his head is on one girls body and then the other and shit.  It’s fucking awesome.

Anyways, now you fuckers know.  This is the face I always make.

Now i don’t always deliver it perfectly.  But this picture he looks like he’s on the line between sinister and evil. Put a girl on each arm and you’re like wtf does that guy know that I don’t.  He looks like he’s got some creepy secret.  AHahah.  So that’s the pose I try to stick to.  I ALWAYS do it in pics with 2 girls.  If it’s me and one girl I might do something else.  So now you know a little about me.

The Douche

This is the picture that I’m really worried about guys.  I have a BAD feeling that a SHITLOAD of pickup guys take this photo and then throw it on their facebook and call it social proof.  I’m just writing more and more to delay posting the picture right now.  Because it breaks my fucking heart.

Please try to ignore how chub that girl on the right is.  I had to google to find pics because iphoto is being a bitch today.  It’s pretending it can’t see my library.  I have so many photos that it takes like 24 hours to rebuild the library every time it does this shit.  So I’m not doing it tonight.

I want you to focus on the guy.  Try to ignore his bad fashion, lame beard and how sweaty he is.  The important thing is that it looks like a picture of 4 girls that this guy shoved his way into.  The girls all have arms around each other and it looks like his arms are behind his back.  I could talk about how wrong this dude is for hours.  (and if it turns out he’s on this forum sorry dude!  I found the picture randomly on google!!!)

Let’s focus on how this happens to young acolytes.  Your are working a 4set and they are like take our picture.  Your buddy offers to take the picture.  You don’t want to overstep your bounds so you just stand to the side of them.  I know you guys feel me on this one.  If his buddy had simply said, girls put him in the middle.  They would have obeyed.  (remember women obey photographers, we all do).

This is another form of ESCALATION ANXIETY – I don’t wanna blow the chance of a photo by going for the middle.  Well now you know that no pic is better than this one.  I mean next time it could be you i’m talking about on here.

The Still Kind of a Douche Pose

This guy is at least in the middle.  But you can tell these girls are taking pictures of themselves, not with the dude.  See how he’s leaning into one girl and pulling the other girl into him.  At least the birthday girl is having fun.  But again we have here a really obvious pickup guy photo.  This guy ain’t fucking either of this girls.  Not tonight.  Not ever.

Please study this photo for a minute and think to yourself, what’s missing.  Do you have it yet?  Neither of the girls are touching him.  The girl on the left is subconsciously pulling her right arm away from him and is actually blocking her body with her left arm.  Her body language is keeping him at a distance.  Her body is saying I will take a pic with this dude but I won’t kino him.  The girl on the right is using her drink to send the same message “Can’t kino now, hands full.”

I am actually pretty sure this guy is a pua based on the body language.  He is doing better than the last guy.  But there is still longer to go.

Let’s Review

There are three main elements in a photo.

1.  Head height

2. Energy Direction

3. Kino

4. Angle of the hips

The Pickup Guru

I was googling the word threesome to find some decent pictures of a guy and two girls for you and this fucking dude popped up.  I don’t know who he is but I saw this and thought pickup instructor.  I know I’m one too.  But hey, being able to self critique is really important.

You know what’s wrong with this photo?  This guy is TRYING to look like a badass.  Holy shit I do that all the time.  Not the time, not the time, let’s just focus on the lesson.  But seriously I bet I have a ton of pictures where I look like this guy.  He’s like a high-level douche.  This photo is posed.  So let’s talk about how it’s an INTENTIONAL message.

Most beginners will be impressed by this photo, but I need to teach you.  Sorry to break the illusion.  First of all, the girls are not that cute.  Their body language and looks scream friends.  Not lovers.  The girls are aiming inwards, but again neither girl is touching him.  They are all focused on the camera.  This photo is about the camera, but not about THEM.

Their is no sexual tension in this photo.  He isn’t leaking energy.  He isn’t facing them, but they aren’t facing him either.  The girls are pointing their breasts at teach other, not him.  If their hips were more targeted towards him, then it would be a much better photo.

The Upper Intermediate

I am really proud of this little dude.  I mean the girls are only so-so, but he is doing a LOT of shit right.  Number one is his left arm.  Do you see how it’s around the middle of that girl in the grey?  He’s pulling her in towards him.  Pulling a girl in between her ribs and ass is perfect.  It’s not sexual for him, but it redirects her hips towards him.  This creates a POWERFUL sexual energy.  His right arm is around the little girl in front.  Honestly guys, this is a REALLY great photo to memorize.  So if you only learn one thing, just try to copy this guy.  He’s not using his hands to sneak some ass or boob off either girl.  He’s controlling both of them and bringing them close to his body in different ways.

Now look how the little girl is holding on to him. That shows that he’s alpha to her.  We want to see girls touch back.  The girl on the right is touching him with her breasts.  She is holding her arms back so they don’t block the shot.  She wants the camera to see her boobs touching him.  This is really solid.

He is facing the camera and controlling them.  This is really good.  The girls are leaning against him or aiming their hips against his.  And their heads are lower than his in this photo.  All of this is money.

Again, please focus on the body language and the angles, not on how attracted you are to these girls.  (or to him).

The advanced

I almost don’t want to make any comments on this photo.  Everything is perfect.  All energy is directed toward him.  She is kissing him, her breasts are touching him and her hips are aimed at him.  She is clutching his arm.  Yet he is facing the camera.  This guy is money in the bank.  I just saw this picture and wanted to post it.  This is a girl who is VERY attracted to a man.

The I Don’t Give a Fuck

This is a good photo of a power couple. They are saying.  Go ahead and take our picture, but fuck you.  This is another way you can go if you want.

This photo is good because they have matching expressions.  And you can see a lot of boob.  I guess these two people are famous, but the point is how they have parity.  It’s a powerful photo.

The Best Photo Of ALL Time

This photo is really complicated.  Let me try to break it down.  Let’s start with the fact that he fucking looks like me in 5 years and she is smoking hot.  This immediately makes me think, this guy is either French or rich.  What I love is that he is ignoring the camera.  She is totally vamping for it, but it looks like he doesn’t know it’s there.  Or he just doesn’t care.

She is trying really hard (successfully) to be really sexy.  But notice how her sexiness is in reference to him.  She has her arms around him in a way that says don’t touch my man.  She is marking her territory. She is touching him with both hands.  He is only touching her with one.  On the ass.  Underwater.  This guy is my fucking hero.

If you guys have questions about this photo or any of the other ones, please ask.  Asking a question doesn’t mean you’re dumb, it means my explanation wasn’t clear enough.  And I really do want people to learn from these.  I mean I have been working on this one for over an hour now.

Good Kiss Bad Kiss

Can you tell which one is which.  Hitch got a lotta shit wrong in his movie but the idea that a kiss is 90/10 is really strong.  Which picture is sexier?  The guy on the left is taking 110.  The girl is fully on the defensive.  And because of that the photo is ruined with her fat hands.  The one on the right is a classic picture that makes every girl wet.  It’s fucking Gone with the Wind you assholes.

But for real, he is towering over her.  Her hands are on his chest.  But he’s letting her have that final 10%.  Sexuality isn’t about total control of a woman.  It’s about leaving her some room to be sensual.

Conclusion

I hope you guys were able to learn something from these photos.  I tried to cover the spectrum from terrible to powerful and explain the mindset I go through when I’m taking a picture.  If you look at the pic of me I posted in part ONE where two girls are licking me, you’ll notice the Aphex Twin face.  And that pic is 2 years old.  I just love getting away with shit.

So with pictures just have an idea of the final product.  And work towards it.  I don’t want you to overthink your photos, just have a plan for how to make them better and better.  Remember, pull her HIPS towards you.  It will actually alter her whole body language.

I love you fuckers.

Now I didn't originate the idea of a photo routine, but there are parts of this that I though of myself.  I probably didn't do anything other than re-invent the wheel, but I thought I would share this anyway.  I learned about photo routines from my first coach Stickler back in Guildford, so I wanna be sure to give him love.

The Purpose -

Whenever you are taking a photo with a girl, as with any "routine," pattern, piece of conversation, escalation or whatever you want to call it, you need to know WHY you are doing it.  The WHY will determine the effectiveness of the operation.  If you just take pictures to take pictures, well you won't accomplish anything. 

1.  To have a ton of pictures with hot girls – Let's not lie to each other.  This is the main reason we take pictures with girls.  We wanna throw them on our facebook page so that we can tell our friends we have social proof.  We want to attach them to field reports so that guys from the internet will respect us. 

Guess what?  That's a 100% legitimate reason to take a picture with a girl.  Building up your facebook page will slowly build up your social status, but the main thing that having a ton of hot girls on your facebook page does is make you feel good about yourself.  It builds up your confidence and this is a KEY element of all the dating systems I have ever encountered. 

A lot of guys will take a shitload of pictures when they are first learning game.  This will last for about 6 months.  I am not sure why, but it is usually about this long.  I went from pictures of every set to pictures here and there, to once a month or at a big party.

2.  To build attraction – You can spike attraction early in a set by taking a bunch of photos with a girl.  It's fun and girls love to by photographed when they are out.  Just because it only took you 15 minutes to get dressed, doesn't mean she spent less than an hour.  Girls only go out if they look amazing, so they are photo-ready.

With this goal in mind, you take the photos fast and early, but you don't push for the kiss.  This is more about having a ton of fun.  Think of all those Japanese girls that love puricura.  (the photobooth shit)

3.  To build rapport - It's later in the set and you are struggling to get past attraction.  You only have a tenuous connection with the girl.  You can tell she likes you but you want to tie her to that second date.

In this case you will focus on taking rapport building pictures.  Instead of you/her pictures you want US pictures.  Girls like taking romantic or fun photos and this is an easy way to get that facebook close.  She will want to be tagged in photos where she looks cute.  It makes you real.

4.  To escalate -  Let's not fuck around.  This is the main reason I rock the photo routine.  It doesn't matter where you are in set if you get this right, so I am really going to focus on this part.  I only break out the camera to get some pictures of a tongue war.  And the example photos below are of this version of the routine.

The preparation

You need to plan this in advance.  The first thing you need to do is get the right camera.  I know it seems obvious, but cell phone pics still look like shit when compared to digital camera pics.  I have been rocking the same camera for 5 years now and it's still taking way better photos than my new badass blackberry. 

Equipment

I use a Casio Exilim.  I bought the bitch in Japan in 2005.  That's right.  I'm that old.  And this camera is my fucking soulmate.  I took like 5k pictures of my oneitis with it.  I took pictures in Thailand, South Korea, Cambodia, Japan, Sweden, Austria, and England with it.  It has been there for my whole journey.  It broke once.  Like the zoom motor broke.  I took it to an electronics shop in Japan and they fixed it for like 80 bucks. It's been perfect ever since.

I bought this camera for 2 very important reasons.  Everyone I knew who had been in Japan for more than a year had the same camera.  In a country where electronics kick ass, to see 10 people saying the same camera is awesome is a BIG sign.  The other reason is more important.  It's the exact width of my fingers.  Most fuckers don't think of this shit.  But I get drunk…A LOT.  So some of the newer version of this camera are a little difficult for me to hold.  Translation – I will drop them.  I mean I am pretty sure that in 5 years I have dropped this camera 3-4 times.  But it's endured.  Also if a camera is too thick, you will hold it different each time.  That's no good.  So get one that fits your hand.

The case for your camera is also something to consider.  If you got keys or your phone in the same pocket the thing is gonna get knocked around.  I have a case that my camera slips into.  It basically adds like 2mm on 5 of the 6 sides of the camera.  It's not a big stupid camera case with room for film or whatever.  I love it and it's SMALL.  Remember you don't wanna wear like a fishing vest filled with your "pickup gear."

The 2 Ps – Plan and Partner

This is like the most important part of the photo routine.  You gotta let your wing in on it.  You need to have a 5 minute discussion with him about what to do.  2 years ago I almost punched Keychain in the face for fucking up my photo routine.  You wanna make sure that your wing remembers that he is your friend and doesn't start doing that old school lame ass "alpha" shit like start taking pictures of himself and then hand the camera back. 

Instead let him know that HE is crucial.  When he has the camera girls RESPECT him.  Think about how we treat photographers our whole lives.  Our brains are programmed to obey them.  And if a girl is a model, well then she really can't resist the commands of a camera man.

Your wing is important for 2 reasons – he can escalate on your behalf AND he is a buffer.  If I can get a girl to kiss me on the cheek, then my wing can convince her to lick my cheek.  This is a picture that Stickler took where he told 2 girls to lick the side of my face.  He took like 3 pix but this is the best one.  And BOTH of these girls had boyfriends like 5 feet away.

He is a great buffer because if the girl rejects his escalation, it doesn't affect you.  You can just burn him.  If your buddy is like "make out!" and she freaks out.  Just be like ignore him, he's always making trouble.  And BOOM. You protected her.  So you can still get points.

Strike Time

Now you do NOT need a reason to take a photo with a girl.  Just in the middle of chatting say "Let's take a photo."  It's that simple.  Don't make it a big deal.  If you are opening with a photo routine then you might need something else. 

Goal 1 - If your goal is a ton of pics with hot girls then just do a speed version of this routine.  Walk up to girls and say you are on vacation and you want pics of all the cool people from there.  Just be high energy.  Or have your wing say it's your birthday and you need pics because you are going to blackout.  This both work.  Just remember.  HIGH ENERGY.

Goal 2 - About 5 minutes into the set either brake out the camera or have your wing do it.  "You know what?  You're pretty cool.  Let's take a picture so we can treasure this moment forever."  Say something fun or cheesy like that.  Then take silly fun photos and only ratchet up for the romance at the end of the routine.  Take a normal pic.  Then underwater with cheeks puffed.  Then scared like the boulder from Temple of Doom is rolling behind you.  (Most girls I go for are too young for this movie so I just say being chased by the Abominable Snowman).  The idea here is to have fun.  You can make the final picture – Stare into each other's eyes like you are on top of the Eiffel Tower.  This is money!  Flips her romance switch.  (If you are going for a bf situation)  You gotta calibrate to what you want.  But this is an easy way to transition to comfort.

Goal 3 -  Take the pictures when you are getting to know each other.  Make it more of a travel vacation theme.  In front of the pyramids.  In a space ship.  In the future when you both have robot eyes.  Shit like this.  It's about future projecting and locational rapport.  (To show you that I DO know some fancy ass pua terms.)

You want her to imagine you in her life in the future.  And you want her to imagine you in different backgrounds.  Both of this things make her feel like she has known you longer.  She will feel more emotionally closer to you.  This is comfort/rapport/connection or whatever pickup term YOU like to use for it.

NOW THE GOOD SHIT

Goal 4 – Escalate.  If you read goals 1-3 and said fuck that noise.  Then I totally hear you.  Basically as you advance through game you will move this routine later and later in your set.  Until you get tight and then just use it whenever you want.

First the DEMO!.  These pics were taken by Tov last Friday after I taught him the basics of the routine.

I met this girl about 3 minutes before this photo was taken.  I was outside smoking and I just had a feeling.  I gave Tov the signal and he was like lemme take a photo. 

Now a beginner might look at this photo alone and thing "shit how does he do that"  but I am gonna let you guys behind the curtain.  It's all perception.  If a girl feels a little bit comfortable with you, she will fall into her normal "I'm with a guy" pose.  That's what is happening here.  YES she is attracted to me, but just a little bit.  This is her being normal for her.

This photo is about 90% good winging by Tov.  He says to her.  What the fuck are you doing?  Take a REAL photo.  He's escalating her for me.  So she leans in more.  When I am winging I will shout things like "Show me the sexy!"  But just see what girls respond to when you are the photog.  Just think paparazzi.  You can shout shit like "come on this shit is gonna be on TMZ, sex it up a little"  Any shit like that.

So now she is leaned in close.  Of course I think this pic sucks with here eyes blacked out.  It isn't as good looking as the first one.  Even though from a technical standpoint it's got a TON more kino and compliance from her.  See how my body is pointed towards the camera but her's is pointed towards me?  That's right.  Her vagina is aimed at my cock.

This picture is epic because a TON of things are happening right here.  All within about 2 seconds.  So I am gonna bring you through on slo-mo. 

Tov starts by "fucking up" my routine.  He over escalates.  He says "now kiss."  No lead in or anything.  And I start to burn him, BUT she immediately kisses me.  The student becomes the master.  It turns out that I underestimated the situation.  Or how slutty this girl is, but either way.  She complied with the full push.

So I hesitated, but the force of his will was enough to get me the makeout.  This led to about a 20 minute dirty makeout session.  The idea here is to have a good flow.

We went pictures -> sexy picture -> makeout.

The Standard Version

Now you should always be willing to vary what you do and experiment with new shit.  But this is the basic Paladin Escalation Photo Routine. (PEPR – pronounced pepper)  HAHA..  I just thought of that wicked name for this.  You can be like hey wing "Got any Paper?" and he can be like no, but I've got a fucking camera.

Ok so the photos have 3 phases.  And I usually only take 3 photos.

1.  Take a normal picture.  Anything can work here.  Just bring her in really tight.  If she gives you 6 take 7.  On the scale of like sexy photoness.  So if she snuggles a little, just push for a little more. 

2.  This is the escalation photo.  It's like preparing her for photo 3.  Depending on vibe you want to go for the Under the Ocean pic or you can push for the Can't you be Sexy pic?  Either way you are moving attraction and kino forward.

3.  The close.  Here I usually say now stare into my eyes.  Depending on vibe, you can say something like just like in Lady and the Tramp.  Or you can say somewhere romantic. 

Again if your partner knows the pattern, all you have to do is let him direct.  If you are obeying him, she will feel that and feel even more inclined to obey.

 Final Thoughts

You and your wings should just have 1 camera for the night.  I used to be the camera guy, but now I just give my camera to someone I trust.  Now some guys will take the camera and then hand it back to you at the end of the nigh without having taken a picture.  So never give that dude the camera again.  It's a waste.  For now Tov is my new camera dude because he's a maniac with it.  I just opened iphoto to get those 3 demo photos and there are like 30 pics of that fucker with different girls.  I mean really I want him taking pictures of me, but hey.  Either way it's happening.

The other thing is that if you take a club photo with a girl you probably won't fuck her.  This is pretty much why I stopped taking photos.  Whenever I think a set is really good to go, I don't take a photo.  Like these pics are from Friday.  This girl wasn't special so whatever.  But Saturday night I met a girl that was smoking hot and super cool.  I only ran 1 set all night and so I didn't break out the camera.  This might just be my personality.  So you can experiment for yourself, but keep this in mind.  Once a girl takes a pic with you a one night stand HAS to count.  Because there is proof. 

Don't take pictures to fuck with a girl.  Don't post pictures to harm her or fuck with her reputation on facebook or some shit.  For real.  I have 3 sisters and 2 nieces and I fucking love women.  So just don't use my shit for evil.

So I didn’t want to have to post this but Johnny has been on my ass all week.  Last Friday I was out with SecretKeeper, JohnnyC69 and Inbred.  It was a weird night bc Secret is only 20 so we can’t really go to the better venues.  All day long I was texting this ho I met online.  Johnny is all about pof so he has been getting me to mess around with online game.  So this girl is sending me pictures of her snatch and tits and whatknot and of course I’m showing the boys.  But we are out for a night of cold approach and she has a date.  As we are heading out I text her that if her date doesn’t close the deal to let me know and I’ll come over to smash her.

At midnight I get the call.

At 2am we are heading to the car and we get cat-called by two girls in a car.  Inbred runs over to talk to them.  The girl in the passenger seat is smoking hot.  The girl driving is a troll.  SInce Inbred stepped up, me and Secret head off to our car.  We see Johnny and Inbred get in the car with these two girls and I’m like Secret we need to get the F outa here or those two idiots will blow the deal.  Needless to say they have the girls drive them to Secret’s car.  It’s like 100% on between inbred and the smoking hot Princess.  Needless to say when we are all in the car I am giving him endless shit.  I mean wtf?  I am yelling at him and calling him a pussy.  A 10 stops her car and asks him to smash her and he can’t do it.

So then he calls her bc we made him feel so damn bad.  I just keep shouting the whole time to make him feel bad.  He can’t really hear what she’s saying but he tries to get her to meet up with him again.  I was like dude you blew that one!  So we are really torturing him as Secret is driving me to this online ho’s house.  It’s in the middle of goddam nowhere.  A good 45mins to an hour from my place.  I’m like what the crap?

But hey whatever.

Finally we get the to girl’s place and I’m like Secret do not fucking drive off until I walk into the house.  Needless to say those fuckers start driving off as soon as I’m out of the car.  So I get to the front door and this chick opens it.  And my first thought it “RUN!”  But I know that if I try to get the guys to take me home they will just ditch me.  Inbred would totally do that just to get me back for the shit I was giving him for getting out of that girl’s car.

So I just close my eyes kiss the girl once and say “Where do you want me to fuck you?”

I throw her into her bedroom and just shove her face on my cock and try not to look at her.  I was like I need this bitch to drive me home so I have to get through this.  So after I make her gag a bunch I just start hate fucking her.  She gets on all fours and I just push her face into the bed.  I keep grinding her face into the mattress and I’m shouting “Don’t look at me!  Don’t you fucking look at me!”

I mean I did NOT want to puke.

So I start slapping her ass as I can.  But it’s not enough.  So I just start punching her in the ass.  I am going back and forth between grinding her face into the sheets and punching her ass.  I make her lie on the bed upside and throatfuck her and tea bag her and maker her toss my salad.  You know the stuff to make a girl feel really special.  I keep trying to think of more depraved things to do to her.  All I want to do is dehumanize her.

The ONLY reason I didn’t try to get a blumpkin was bc I didn’t need to shit.

So finally I finish down her throat and she is like gagging but loving it.  It’s weird.  I literally haven’t seen her face since she opened the door and I’m trying to keep it that way.

So I go to pee and grab my phone.  I’m texting Johnny and telling him how much I hate him and online game now and need some steel wool to shower with.  And I come out and tell her that my house mate is locked out and she needs to drive me home right away.  She is like I don’t have enough gas to drive that far.

So I have to put $10 in her damn tank AND she makes me pump.  WTF is that about?  I would have put in $5 but we might have run out of gas on the way to my house, or GOD FORBID, in my parking lot.

So the whole car ride back I’m texting Johnny and making him promise not to tell Secret and Inbred.  But that bastard is texting everyone he knows.  I’m shocked that he didn’t post about it on every forum on earth.  She keeps telling me more and more lame things about herself.  Driving at night is hard on her eyes.  Her date was boring.  Dead end job.  Small house.  Tough being a single mom.

She has 3 cats and a dog and her house was filthy dudes.

She was so gross I literally had one of the worst allergy attacks of my life in her car.  I am like turning red and crying my eyes out and she offers to stop to get an allergy pill.  I’m like fuck that.  Pharmacies have bright ass lights.  I don’t wanna see her in that fucking glare.  She just keeps on saying things to make me hate her more and more and more.  Traffic confuses her.  It’s hard to see the lanes at night.  Where should she turn.  Dude it’s one freeway all the way to my house.

So finally she gets to my house and I don’t say a word.  I just jump out and run into my house with the 6pack that Johnny made me pick up at the gas station.  That bastard found a silver lining.  I take a long shower.  I felt like Ace Ventura when he realizes that he kissed dude and just showers and cries all huddled up.

I was painted into a corner and I had to fuck my way out of it.  So I got my ride home.

Oh and Inbred started texting that girl the next day and on Sunday took her on a lunch date WITH HER AUNT.  WTF?  When he walks up she goes “Oh, I thought you would be the guy in the tie.”  I WAS THE GUY IN THE TIE ONE FRIDAY!!!!  So if I had just run when she yelled to me from her car.  I would have had a 10 instead of a zero.  Ok I need to go get some more tequila to wash away my shame.

I have been recovering from the events of New Years Eve for a few days now. I certainly haven’t been out partying since then, so it’s still fresh in my mind. This is a long tail and my fingers are sore, but I’ll do my best.

I decide to spend new years with my buddy Truck. We have been going out almost every night since I got home and he is currently my best friend here. We are even moving in together in a few weeks. I hear from a couple of the lair guys about some event downtown where a guitar is dropping and Nashville wants to be Times Square. Sounds lame, but they also promise a crowd. And I LOVE crowds.

We load up a couple of flasks. Jack* for him and Parrot Bay for me. Don’t judge! I basically drank Jack 80% of the night. But man nobody loves it like Truck. To be honest, I think he should be sponsored by Jack. We get my dad to drop me off at a local bar at like 7 or something. You can never really start New Years too early.

Before we leave the house we load up a little bottle of diet coke with Jack. By the time we get to the bar I’m already tipsy and feeling smooth. We pull up a coupla stools at the bar, but I gotta stand because there is a huge steel flask in my back pocket. Fun fact for you guys – I bought the two flasks years ago at pottery barn. I am pretty sure just to sneak into movies. So I am standing there and we pound a couple of beers. There is a real lack of eye candy in this sports bar. I know. But it’s a good warm up.

The place is one of my old haunts and it is really interesting to see things through eyes that have been opened. There is a girl bartender that Truck thinks is cute, so of course the guy serves us. Guess if he got a good tip. I hate being served by a dude. So we get pretty lit there and then I am getting texts from a lair dude offering a ride the rest of the way to downtown. How could we turn that down?

Somehow we get an amazing free parking space right on the street about 100 meters from the party. I know I use meters, but look I been in the UK a long damn time. So I have to pee so bad I can taste it in the back of my throat.  We pop into Sbarro’s to hit the toilet but the line is bastard long.  This other dude says he has a secret piss spot that won’t have a line, so I put my trust in him.

We end up behind a dumpster next to the bar I do all my game in.  As I am tearing into the back of this thing like a racehorse, guys come out to throw out trash and are like don’t piss here!  But they are just joking and don’t really care.  I know I didn’t.  While the other guys are pissing I start talking to some dude having a smoke.  It turns out he is a barback in there.  So I chat to him a bit to find out how many girls are in there etc.  Seems like a good option.

We spend some time outside in the free party and me n Truck are hitting the flasks to keep the party going.  There isn’t a cute girl in site and there are tons of families and chubby out-of-towners.  Finally Truck and I decide to hit our new bar.  We try to bring the other dude, but at the last minute he leaves the line.  We asked if it was too expensive for him, as we didn’t want to be dicks.  He ran off to see his other friend and I didn’t even realize it, as I was giving my ID to the bouncer dude when he slipped off.

Inside we chat to this smoking hot bartender that we have been befriending for weeks.  She is cool and then we bounce around.  Gonna be honest.  Truck got a double of Jack and I sad me too like an idiot.  It tasted like fire and shame.  From then on, life got REAL hazy.  I started talking to this older lady who looked like someone.  I can’t remember who.  She was cool and was married to the barback up there.  He was so jacked.

Truck starts talking to this really pretty chick.  He didn’t realize that she was super married.  I could see her diamond from 20 feet away.  I am joking with the other 2 girls for a while and finally I decide to dive in.  Her friend is kinda cute and NOT rocking a ring. So I roll up.  I am like I think my friend has no idea this girl is married.  We start chuckling and she is like ya her husband is right here.  He totally doesn’t care, so why not chill out.  I chat to my girl about 5 minutes and we start kissing.  It’s only 11:30.

People around us start clapping.  Her friends now want to go outside for the final ball drop.  She is like come with us and I will give you a real kiss at midnight.  So I say, how about you just give me a real kiss right now – stick your tongue in my face.  So she does and I nearly lost a tooth.  It was awesome.  Unfortunately, there was a complete and total lack of logistics.  She is going back to Chicago the next morning and staying with her friends.  So I let her go outside without me.

I start talking to Truck and he never realized his chick was married.  It was funny.  OK, from here on events are NOT chronological.  When I get hammered I lose my timestamp ability.  I know.  I wonder if it’s just me.

I am downstairs by myself and I start talking to some pretty girl.  She grabs my hand.  Oh wait.  I met some black dude.  He plays basketball for a college around here.  He points to one of his girls and says she’s all yours.  She is digging me.  That’s how I met her.  They all go upstairs and take me with them.  They walk off and I’m kissing her and I’m on the dancefloor.  Then some jacked white dude comes up and puts his hand in my face and says Timeout!  I can smell the orbiter on him from a mile away.  I decide that I am not in the mood for a confrontation.

I go back downstairs and start talking to some girls.  I tell them I lost my only friend in town and ask them to be my new friends.  I talk to 3 pairs of girls in the same area around the same time.  I got the number from one of these girls.  I think she’s a blond.  It’s been 2 weeks and we are still texting.  Of course now I’m out of town and next week she is, but we’ll see what happens.  But I really have a fog about this little amount of time.  So let’s go to the next event, shall we?

I am back upstairs talking to my original married chick.  I meet her husband.  Dude is a bounty hunter as well as a bar back.  We talk for at least an hour.  Really cool dude.  So funny.  I don’t remember all the details.  I got his number but he didn’t reply to my text the next day.  Oh well.  At least I collected another job.

Hmm.  Eventually me and Truck leave the bar and run into the lair dudes again.  The dude drives us home which was super cool.  It’s all hazy.  Someone texted me this week saying they met me that night.  I am not sure who he is, but I guess I’ll find out when I’m back in town.

Overall it was a really fun night.  I love drinking and I love hanging with Truck.  Can’t wait to move in with him next month.  Two makeouts is a bit of funny, but nothing too crazy.  I’m crashing with my folks til the end of the month, when I move into my new apt.  I wanted to wait until after I get my first paycheck at my new job.  So logistics were brutal.

I spent 24 hours celebrating my 29th birthday with a host of my lovely friends.  I have to say that it was one hell of a crazy and hectic night…ok it lasted two nights. I started by hitting White Wedding.

At least 30 or 40 lovely people showed up just for me.  From TeaBag to YumYum.  It was really amazing.  I remember a lot of shots and cocktails.  I cut the sleeves off my tuxedo to show off my glamour muscles.

I put a new temp tattoo on my right bicep.  Lord of the Rings.  One ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them.  Let’s be honest.  I looked badass redneck.Originally ghost was gonna cut off his sleeves too, but of course at the last minute he chickened out.  He’s a great housemate, but he just lacks the power to go full awesome.  I was chilling with some lovely people and then YumYum finally shows up.  And he has cut off his entire shirt.

Attention stealing bastard.

Everyone really looked great.  I met a ton of people and took a ton of pictures.   At one point I did a ten minute photo session upstairs.  Only one of the photos got posted to their site, but it looks awesome and it’s my new facebook profile photo.  Unfortunately, they ended the party at like 130.  And I think we all know that that is way too soon.  So Iceberg dropped a bunch of us off at Cable. I have never been to the club before, but the girl with us was worried that we wouldn’t get in with our outfits.

I gotta say that is was one filthy club and dropped the worst techno ever.  I swear I think they played only one record the entire five hours or something that we were there.  I met some girl at the bar with really cool boobs.  I must have chatted to her almost an hour.

Unfortunately, I was super drunk and she slipped through my fingers. I saw her again a few hours later, but wasn’t able to chat anymore.  I met some other girls through Ghosts “friend.”  They were calling me Hitch, so I knew I would have to yap about work.  In my experience talking about work with girls gets them excited, but also keeps my dick outside of their vaginas.  I was so hammered, but this still proved to be the case.  One of the girls was cute, but no dice.

Around 6 or something Ghost, YumYum and I decide to call it quits.  Ghost was ready to leave the moment we walked in anyways.  So we left his “lady-friend” and jumped in a taxi. I throw YumYum on the couch and hit the sack.

By noon he is crawling into my bed and trying to convince me to go to the Church.  This is a crazy Australian day club in north London.  Everyone wears costumes and drinks a ton of Fosters.  At first I was hating it.  Most of the girls weren’t that pretty and I hate drinking beer.  It’s just so much hard word to get twisted!  Even in my debauchery I like to be efficient.

At some point October and Machine joined us.  I chatted to Machine about the possibility of living together in Hawaii in a few months.  That would be super badass.  So we chat up some girls for a bit and eventually a girl pulls my shirt off.  At this point things start to get a bit hazy.  I found pictures of me kissing at least 5 different girls in my camera.  Which is a pretty good result. After Church closed we went to a Walkabout in west London.

That bastard YumYum kept buying vodka and redbull.  You should never have more than one of these in a single day.  For real. So we were partying and kept meeting new girls all over this joint.  I kissed two really pretty girls.  But I only know this from my camera.  Glad I brought it for once!  I lost Yums for at least an hour in there somewhere.

I remember I was outside talking to a really hot black girl and we just started making out.  Then Yums comes out and is really crying.  He can’t find either of his jackets and he’s cold. So I leave the girl behind to help him.

We look all over the club and after 30 minutes find his gear.  Right as the joint is closing.  For some reason I actually got this girls number, which I never do, and I started texting her.  I was taking care of Yums, who had been blacked out for hours and was making a scene in front of McDonalds.  I can only say that it was pretty special.

Finally, I am like dude you HAVE to let me try and get laid.  I walk off to find my girl.

Needless to say I get the most dramatic phone call of my life from him.  He is on about how I’ll never see him again and he’s going off to war and he loves and misses me.  It was insane. I find the girl and get a few kisses out of her.  She goes home with her friends though and I am left stranded hours from my apartment.

I have missed the last train based on false intel from YumYum! I end up waiting almost an hour for a bus to my house and of course some dude starts talking to me at the bus stop.  He gives me a flyer to LOOK AT and then takes it back.  I really wanted to throw it away and he stole that right from me!!!

I gotta say it’s impressive how people can start a conversation with someone on the street and end by asking for spare change.  My 2nd time in a week at a bus stop.   I’m sure you remember the guy last week who threatened to knife me and then asked for change.

People are pretty drawn to my awesome. I have a date with the black girl later today.  She might cancel as I just posted my facebook pics from the festivities….Or maybe she will be glad that she was the last girl I kissed on my bender.  Also, my tongue was super sore from a full day!

A few weeks ago I was covering for another teacher at this uni I have been teaching at. I did a 1on1 4 hour English lesson with this super rich Kazakhstani dude. We were chilling. Basically unlike most douche bag English teachers I can talk to rich people about normal things like badass high end clubs and beautiful women. So we connected and I almost got him to buy a table at Jalouse through my homey. I gave him my connections number there and thought I would never see the dude again

last week I got asked to cover all 3 days with the dude. Of course! It was badass. He realized that the uni is crap and that an mba from there won’t actually help him, so all week we just chilled. He took me out to lunch all three days, gave me a carton of parliament ciggies, invited me to visit his homeland to hunt wolves and asked me to come to a high end brothel with him.

This last one really freaked me out at first. I was like isn’t this a moral decision? I guess only if people find out. I gave him a tentative yes, but then I texted like 5 of my friends. They all offered to go in my place. So then I talked to my house mate. I figured if anyone would talk me out of it, it would be him. He was like go for it. It seems like a badass experience.

So we meet and jump in a taxi right at 7. we saw from the website that this is when all the girls start their shifts. He originally wanted to go right after out lesson at 2, but then there would only have been 2 girls there. A big part of me was nervous about him paying etc. but I just put that to the back of my mind and did something I normally would never do.

We get there and have to pay this creepy dude 20 pounds each to go inside. There is a locker room, steam room, showers and a sauna. Hence the fact that the sign calls it a sauna. We have to go into the locker room and change into towels. It’s obvious we have never been there before as we keep getting lost. Then we don’t know if we keep our boxers under our towels.

Finally I am like fuck it let’s do this and I just skin up. He does the same. We go into the lounge. By lounge I mean room with 18 pros staring at us. We are nervous as shit. I don’t know why he is bc he has been to dozens of these before. So he tells the girls that I have low self confidence. It’s kinda funny. I gauge the reactions of the girls to see which ones I’m afraid of. Haha

it takes us about 10 minutes to choose the ones we like. Basically only a few of the girls were actually cute in my opinion. I got this blond girl who looked Russian. She was really stunning but actually Spanish. His girl was Brazilian. This meant they could talk shop in Spanish. Fair enough.

We go up to the vip room and man it was one small vip room. We could never be more than 10 feet apart. He of course pays for everything up front, including an hour with the girls. The total cost from walking us both in to partying for an hour was 690 pounds. He just paid cash. I think he was really intent on impressing me. I think there is something cool about taking your English teacher to a hor house. I certainly wasn’t complaining.

It took a few minutes to get going, but then it was on. She just threw a condom on me and started blowing. I’m sitting in a chair next to my boss getting the same action. It was so cool. After all of my previous group sex experiences, close proximity to another dude fucking doesn’t affect me. They moved to the bed while I got a badass bj. It actually wasn’t the best of my life, the mouse was still better. Maybe I should tell her?

This girl was definitely the hottest girl I’ve ever played with. She had beautiful natural breasts and just everything was smooth and nice. After a bit we joined the other two on the bed and started fucking. We did a good set of positions. My boss finished after about 20 minutes. I was like dude? We are on the clock!

I smashed my girl for a good 30 minutes and then gave her a 5 minute break. The other girl was like dude wtf are you doing you’re going to break her! And my boss was like fuck! My girl was like I can handle it ok! Aahahah. The best part was a bigass mirror right in front of the bed so I could see myself smashing this girl. I could really see how much better shape I am in. I still got 5 more kg to go, but that is another blog post. Hehe.

After a little break we got back too it. Soon she was covered in my sweat and body hair. I shed like a damn golden retriever. Oh well. She did make me do about 90% of the work and every time I slowed down she was like come on baby you’re not tired are you??? she got on top once per session for like 2 minutes. I mean I know she probably had 10 more dudes to go that night, but seriously.

At one point she did say something telling. She said that it’s really hard for girls in her profession to ever find guys. They just have no ability to trust men anymore. I think this has a lot to do with my boss being married with 3 kids and not so much about me. But I think it’s reasonable. With what I have seen of women in the last 2 years a lot of my beliefs have been shattered.

So I slammed this girl for the full 60 minutes. She kept saying how bad she wanted me to come. I wonder if she gets in trouble if I dont. I almost got that impression. So finally I came at the last possible moment. It was awesome. She was like wtf? That’s not very much milk for so much work! I was like I’m not a cow! She loved it and laughed and repeated it.

I think that was the one moment where she actually thought something was funny. Like the real her happened, but only for like 5 seconds. I am not stupid enough to think that we had a real connection. I have read about a lot of guys paying pros and then trying to game them. The only way to make a girl on the game like you more is to pay her more money.

Overall my experience was awesome. I felt so relaxed. It was really nice to have sex without a load of bullshit. If I was rich I would definitely have a new vice. I mean amazing sex with a beautiful woman and she doesn’t give you shit afterward. After all the shit I have been dealing with lately with other girls in my life, it was just so refreshing.

I felt so relaxed afterward and I ran some supertight sets as well. Both sets are still texting me and I have a date with one tonight. I never thought I would pay for it, but this year I had been considering it. Just as an experience, so when it came my way I did it.

I just spent a weekend with my man October, and with how much fun that was I realized I fucking love real girls and pros aren’t a replacement.

So last Friday my good friend the Egyptian had his birthday party.  It was awesome. I got a chance to rock my fedora and it turns out it looks really good.  Inspiral and Tea Bag threw the pre AND after parties.  They had the most amazing costumes and if you are a facebook mate, you can check out the badass pics on my profile etc.

So I was sitting there chilling with one of my students/friends when Tea Bag’s boss comes out.  She was dressed as a bloody Alice with a butcher knife.  The moment I saw her, I knew I wanted her.  My first instinct was to dive in and game her.  But I knew that wouldn’t work.  I basically ignored her.  I saw she changed at Tea Bag’s house and so I knew she would be back later to change again.  I also want to wait to see how social situations pan out.  In a social circle situation, it is VERY important to see the lay of the land before you step on any toes.

So she is French and there is another younger French girl from Tea Bag’s office there.  At the party we all stick together a bit and chat.  I just want to be the cool guy who is around, but not around too much.  So I chat to her here and there throughout the night.  Whenever one of my homies wants to chat to her I back off.  I love giving girls to my good friends.  Sometimes Tea Bag would hand off a girl to me and I would hand her off to Inspiral, who then introduces her to the Egyptian and walks off.  Basically, we don’t care who a girl hooks up with, as long as it’s a mate.

I met the most amazing Indian girl at the party.  She was 35 and really sexy and lovely.  I chatter to her a bit and we started talking about tattoos.  I was wearing a button down shirt but she wanted to see the dragon on my arm.  So we went to a dark corner and I went nearly topless to show her.  Then I asked if she had a tramp stamp.  She turned around and told me to check.  I pulled the back of her shirt up to her bra and then I pulled down her jeans more than halfway down her ass.  Result – no tattoo back there (and also no panties).  At this point I was getting hard and the sexual energy between us was getting strong.  Just in the dark being naughty… and my student runs up to join us.  Now my students are always my first priority, but damn it was so on….

I chat to him a bit to go over his sets and how his night is going and the girls he is loving etc.  I lose the energy with my lovely Indian Princess and she walks off to talk to her mates.

Later on I reopen and we chat a little.  I try to drag her to dance, but it just doesn’t happen.  I struggle a little bit to rebuild what we had.  It was going ok.  I leave on a high note with a plan to push it further in a bit.  Unfortunately, she left the party at 11 and I failed to get her number.  I did add her on facebook the next day and a few days later asked the Egyptian to text her on my behalf.  No dice yet…

So then I go back to the Boss.  We chat and sometimes this one dude from my Tea Bag’s office is all over my nuts.  I can’t just punch him in the face, but I really wanted to.  He was exaclty like this chode in a story I read on Tucker Max’ blog.  He would follow me around and just keep trying to cock block me with girls all night.  Tea Bag told him what I do for a living as a way of trying to build my value, but this guy is a total value vampire.  At one point he told Inspiral I was talking shit about him.  I was really upset as he is one of my heroes.  But he immediately dismissed the idea and the Chode.  He said I would never do that.  Phew.

Chode tells me to leave him alone with Alice and even stands in the way.  He tells me to take off with the younger French girl, so I do.  We start dancing and having a really nice time.  I have disqualified her so hard that she is just happy to chill with me.  I think I might over-DQ in social settings and I might need to readjust it.  It’s so powerful.  So then Chode gets upset and leaves the other girls to come cockblock me.  He would prefer to prevent me from getting any action.  Rather than get his own. In a way that is amazing.

So we go to the after-party and it is a lot of dudes.  One of Tea Bag’s mates is about to fight a dude for grabbing his girlfriend’s breast.  I stay to back him up and he convinces the other dude to just go home and avoid the conflict.  I don’t know the dude that well, but a friend of Tea Bag’s is a friend of mine.  Inside Alice is making out with some other girl who keeps bragging that she doesn’t wear panties.  This instantly divides the room into two types of guys: the guys who get all turned on and the guys who have sex in their life and ignore it.

I know a trap when I see one.  These girls massively want attention.  I just ignore them and even push them out of the way to go to the other room.  At this point Chode tells me that see, I have been wasting my time all night.  I tell him that the game isn’t nearly over.  It is just getting started.  He keeps following the two girls around while they make out in the hopes that they will decide they need a guy.  Please don’t forget that Alice is Chode’s boss.  So he has double no chance.

I go outside later and the two girls are just chatting.  I join in and they start giving me sexual shit-tests.  They are saying extreme sexual things to see how I react.  Instead of getting excited I just talk about my fetishes in the same way I talk about work or video games.  Just normal conversation.  The 2nd girl tells me how much she loves anal and actually calls herself a ButtSlut.  I have never heard someone say this word out loud in real life before.  It was an experience.

Then guess who sees us having a nice time and has to pull a kamikaze.  That’s right.  Captain Chode.  He comes over to tell me that I’m still wasting my time mate.  Now when a guy you don’t know calls you mate in England it means he wants you to punch him in the face.  Instead, I go off and talk to Tea Bag to find out what is wrong with this dude.  Turns out being and AFC is a way of life for this dude.  He does the same shit to Tea Bag.  But I guess tonight is my special night.

I go back into the living room and the 2nd girl is chilling on the couch with Inspiral.  I try to see where he is going with it.  I THINK he wasn’t trying to play so I slide onto the couch.  Within 5 minutes she is feeding me crisps and then her legs are across mine and she feeds me one from her mouth.  Like in Lady and the Tramp but actually not that sexy.  Hehe.  Alice comes in and freaks out and starts accusing me of a V-Block.  I offer to get outa her way but she just goes back outside.

I chill with this girl until she passes out and since I way prefer Alice, everything is all good.  I just keep playing it cool and then I slide Alice around a corner and shove my tongue into her mouth.  It was so cool.  I played slow ball and it was working great.  I can tell we wanna get outa there, but there are only like 4 people still around.  Tea Bag walks around the corner, sees us and just walks away.  Translation – he is awesome.  Chode comes through the door and makes a comment to make her really uncomfortable.

It turns out she is hooking up with her boss and suddenly she is worried that Chode will tell on her and make her life bad.  That is the energy of this guy.  After a night of telling me I have no chance, he discovers that he was wrong.  Just confidence and persistence can take you a LONG way.  So we go back and just chill with everyone.  Chode is seething and keeps trying to stir trouble.  No one is paying attention to him anymore.  Alice has to leave and I go and get some more kisses on the stairs.  Tea Bag accidentally cockblocks me by carrying all her bags to her taxi and making sure she gets in ok.  Now that is totally acceptable.

He was looking out for his friend and boss.  He has a good heart.  She tells me to get her number off Tea Bag and I’ll see what happens.  I forget to do it until today, Wednesday, so I just texted her this morning.  She is on vacation this week, so I will see if she replies.

Either way, making out with your friend’s boss is pretty awesome in my book.  PoW!

So after she snuck out while I was asleep, I was uncertain about seeing the Czech girl again.  I wasn’t even sure if I would ever hear from her again.  So I threw her a text to see if she was ok, made it home etc.  She texted back that she hadn’t wanted to wake me while I was sleeping.  I told her that was really sweet and I left it there.  I think we all know why she didn’t wake me up.  It was a damn prison break.

So I texted her again a day later here and there and I set up a date for monday night after a short 1on1 with a student.  We met at 9 and had a single drink in a bar.  We chilled and it was nice.  Unfortunately, I finally run into the Italian girl I saw a few weeks ago when I’m with this girl.  The Italian girl is so beautiful and I can see the jealousy in her eyes.  I don’t know if that set is dead, but I am trying to avoid gaming one girl while on a date with another.  I mean a guy has to have SOME limits don’t he?

So after an hour we just start walking.  She can tell where we are going.  I am like we are just gonna chill a little at my place.  We get straight into bed and I put her into another one of my shirts.  Unfortunately, the hilarious game shirt from Starlight that I had her wear on Friday was still in the wash.  So she was wearing a shirt that I actually like and wear a lot.  We just snuggle a lot and I keep trying to escalate.  It was like the battle of Stalingrad.  A war of attrition.

It took hours to break down her defences.  She has the most arbitrary set of rules I have even encountered.  She won’t let me get under her shirt or jeans all night.  After about 6 hours I get her hot enough that she lets me party in boob town.  Usually with a girl once I’m there is it on like Donkey Kong.  But not with her.  We are making out so hot and heavy.  I decide to drop a CaliPimp move and put my finger in her mouth.  She destroys it.  I am like I gotta get my dick involved in this action.  But she is having none of it.  She won’t touch my cock at all.  Not even with her hand.

She will let me rub her crotch over her jeans, but only if we are dry humping.  If I am lying next to hear I am not allowed to touch it.  It is so strange to try and decode this girl.  I mean she has her legs wrapped around me and it is sex with a little denim in between us.  By the end I am totally naked, even though she still has her jeans on.  We dry hump like crazy and eventually I kneel over her and blow my load on her belly, but most of it gets into her belt buckle.  I wasn’t really focusing.  I probably could have come on her face, but that’s really not a big fetish for me.

Finally, I crash out and she leaves in the morning.  This time I am awake when she leaves.

I found out in the middle of the night that she has a boyfriend back home.  The source of all her resistance.  She asks how I would feel if I found out she has a boyfriend in her village and I told her I wouldn’t care.  I really don’t.  I don’t have time to be jealous or whatever.  And I certainly don’t think less of her.  Of course she wants to hook up with me.  I’m awesome sauce.

We have been on another date since, but she is staying with a host family so can’t sleep over a lot.  Mystel really likes her.  She loves his magic and she thinks she is hot and cool.  He actually warned me not to break her heart.  She sent me a text last night to let me know how special she feels with me.  Tonight is our last date before she leaves the country.  Will let you know….