Most people learn about the term "frame control" when learning about shit tests.  I love that term, but unfortunately most people hear it and don't correctly understand it.  She's not giving you shit – she's testing to see if you're full of it.  And let's be honest, most puas are full up to the brim of the stuff.  So we shouldn't be surprised that women want to see if we are what we claim to be.  Think of it as a woman kicking the tires.

But let's get to the core of the matter.

What is a Frame?

A frame, or paradigm, is how you see the world.  Every single person out there has a frame that is unique to them.  Think of it this way.  You look at the world through a window.  The frame around the window determines how you see things.  If you're frame is star-shaped then everything will looks like stars.  If your frame is yellow that color will tint everything. 

You're frame is built out of your beliefs.  These beliefs have a great range.  Here are some beliefs that I have:  I am a man.  My parents love me.  I have blue eyes.  I am intelligent.  I am good at my job.  I deserve success.  Women like me.  I am attractive.  I am better than most men with women.  I am a good dating coach.  I am a great dating coach.  Other dating coaches respect me.  I have a lot to offer the world.

Some of these beliefs seem so basic and yet I know of a person who believes the opposite of each one of these about themselves.  I know plenty of people who were born as men but they don't think of themselves as men.  That one belief changes how they view the whole world and how they deal with it.

You have to think about your core beliefs.  Do you believe you are attractive?  The stronger your frames, the more difficult it is for someone to shake them.

When Frames Collide

When two people meet their worldviews meet.  Two people cannot interact successfully with conflicting worldviews.  So there are only 3 outcomes every single time you meet a new person. 

If you walk up to a woman and think to yourself that you don't deserve her.  If your worldview wins, you will have convinced her that you don't deserve her.  For this reason a weak initial frame keeps most men from having beautiful, amazing women.  Think about all those guys you have seen with a woman and you thought "Why is SHE with HIM?"  Guess what – he doesn't believe that!  He thinks he deserves her.  In fact, he probably thinks she is lucky to be with him.

When you are journeying along the path of the pickup artist, you will often pretend to be something you're not.  We have all been told to fake it til we make it.  There is a discrepency between who you are and who you WANT to be.

I am Not What I Seem to be

This goes through my mind all the time.  Every time I stretch my arms a little I feel this.  Whenever I grow in business I am nervous.  Last week I closed a huge deal that is worth ALL my other deals put together.  I was nervous and felt like maybe I didn't deserve it. We all go through these feelings.  It's reality.

When you are learning to become better with women you will have similar feelings.  The first time you talk to a 6 or 7 or 8 or 9 or 10, in the back of your mind you will experience a little bit of doubt.  It's at this moment that a woman will deliver a shit test.  It can feel like a kick to the stomach.  But if you realize that she is actually reacting to your own self-belief you will be able to handle the moment effectively.

How to Win the Frame War

What do I do if she says …..?

I get this question all the time from students.  There are as many surprises as there are women.  If you just try and prepare for each case, you will be studying forever.  And your personality will disappear into an ocean of fixed responses.  You don't want to approach it this way.

If you are fully self-actualized then being tested won't matter to you.  You probably won't even notice them.  As I have gotten better at game, the way I deal with these frame tests has changed.

A Practical Example

Are you gay?

I have probably been asked this question more than a thousand times by women.  If you had a time machine you could go back and watch each time a woman said this to me.  My reaction would tell you exactly where I was on my journey to seduction masterhood. 

When I first started talking to women and a girl would ask if I was gay I would think to myself that it was all over.  I had failed to seduce her.  And I would eject from the conversation as fast as I could.  As I got better I tried out different witty responses.  I always considered this the biggest hurdle to my game.  I slowed down my speech and I moved my arms around less.  And women stopped asking if I was gay.  But I would forget all the time.

Now when a woman asks if I am gay my whole mindset has changed.  I realized a couple of things.  I only care if a man is gay if he is hitting on me.  I only care if a woman is gay if I am attracted to her.  It's the same as asking if she has a boyfriend.  So now I see this question as a HUGE sign of attraction.  If a woman asks if I am gay then I know it's ON!

What changed?

Now my frame is much stronger.  I believe that all women are attracted to me.  I can't imagine a woman not being attracted to me.  I'm too dynamic and amazing.  You should feel the same way about yourself.

The Final Example

Frame control is a way of controlling the interaction.  You want to turn what she says into what you WANTED her to say.  If a woman asks if I'm gay I can either think (1) She sees how weak I am and is rejecting me or (2) she is letting me know she's attracted.

The greatest example of frame control is from the movie 300.

Persian -  Our arrows will block the sun.

Spartan – Then we shall fight in the shade.

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2. Why does She think I’m Gay?
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It's like that amazing line from Brad Pitt in Fight Club.  "We're a generation of men raised by women.  I'm wondering if another women is really the answer we need."  Like all of my brothers – my fellow wings, coaches, instructors and acolytes I have discovered that I want more.  It's why my life has exploded in so many directions.

Once guys start having more girls or cuter girls or sometimes it's just ANY girls in their lives, they start to look for more projects.  The path of self-discovery seems to have no endpoint.  Soon it becomes all about inner game.  Developing an iron sense of self.  Then you want financial independence.  After that you start to seek locational independence.

I am moving on that path myself.  I have expanded my business ventures in a dozen directions in the last few months.  Like every other guy I know in pickup, internet marketing is one of those directions.  Hopefully my new project will work out and I'll be in a really good financial position within a few months. 

But this post isn't about me, it's about you.

As you move along this journey and track your progress with your blog, who you are and what you want will change.  I used to just want to get married so bad.  I thought it would solve all of my problems.  Now I see the world in a completely different way.  I keep changing careers.  I am 29 and I am still finding myself and exploring every passion.

To be honest, there is nothing I love more than teaching guys what's possible.  Pickup is just the medium for the education.  It's a means to an end. 

So start trying the things you have always wanted to do or the things you've always been afraid to do.  You might just find yourself.

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Moving from Beginner to Intermediate and Beyond

One of the biggest challenges in going from beginner to intermediate game is moving away from out people’s routines or techniques to creating your own. A lot of this challenge comes from feeling like there is something about your personality you have to hide from women.

Being Honest with HER

It’s the most embarrassing parts of your life that a woman can find the most endearing. If you have a comic book collection, you want to talk about how you ACTUALLY feel about your comics. If you try to keep that part of your life a secret and you act all nervous or shy when a woman sees your collection, then you are lying to yourself and to her. Instead you want to present this part of your personality early on. It is the things in our lives that are the nerdiest that often make us special.

You should start talking about how you collect comics. It’s rare for women to collect them because they are designed to appeal to the way men see the world. The shame is that most women only see them as cartoons and don’t realize that the majority of comic books, like science fiction, is a medium for a critique of modern society. Although it might seem like X-Men is just a bunch of people with powers fighting all the time, it is actually a critique of racism.

Suddenly a hobby that could easily be frames as lame or nerdy is put into a better light. The point is to let her see the real you as early as possible. I will be happy to talk about any specific hobbies that people post in their replies below.

Being Honest with Yourself

The is another really important aspect of honesty that you should look at. How often when you WANT to physically escalate do you resist because of fear. You don’t do what you really want to do and instead do what you THINK you are supposed to do. This is another form of lying. You are lying with your body and to yourself. I always escalate when I suddenly feel it.

For me there is a moment in attraction where it just hits me. I want her. It’s like in that Counting Crows song where he says “she’s suddenly beautiful.” When I suddenly realize that with a girl, I just pull her in close. I say “Can I tell you something really serious?” And she will expect a dramatic bomb, so it builds a little bit of that crucial tension. “You are so beautiful that talking to you makes me feel really nervous.” And then I put her hand on my heart.

Why is this such a powerful escalation move? Because it’s pure honesty. She can feel how fast my heart is beating. I don’t have the ability to up my heart rate and fake that, so she connects with me. I am saying it exactly when I feel it. It’s emotionally risky. It’s scary. It’s hard. I know that. Every time I say it I am really nervous, but the reaction is always amazing. She melts.

Honesty is the key to escalation. When should you try to kiss a girl? When you WANT to. I once asked a girl how long I had to talk to her before we could start kissing. We were kissing 2 minutes later.

So let’s get to the core of the matter.

Why is honesty powerful?

Let’s think about the value we place on honesty. We hate politicians because they lie to us. We hate when we find out our girlfriends are cheating.

Who do we normally lie to? We lie to our parents when we don’t want to get in trouble. We lie to our bosses when we don’t want to get fired. We lie to our girlfriends when we don’t want to get dumped.
So we lie to people who have power over us. IF you are lying to a girl in a club, you are subcommunicating that she has power over you. She has something you want. This power disparity is something that she will notice and it will make your sets harder to close. She might think you are funny, but she won’t trust you. She might not even be sure why.

It’s important to remember that women are naturally more socially savvy and aware than men are. They notice lying faster. They have to. It’s a genetic survival trait. Women are smaller than men, so they have to notice danger faster.

So remember. Bring more honesty into your sets and you will see attraction hit harder and last longer. Also you won’t have to try and remember which girl you told you were an astronaut and which one you told you were a cowboy.

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I have been back in my hometown for a week now.  I'm a little hesitant to say where I am, because I have some internet stalkers on a few weird forums who have been talking about my family etc.  So for now I'll let you guys figure it out.

Anyways I think about my x like every day.  It's really strange because technically we are broken up.  But in my heart I just miss her so bad.  Now at least I know that I am capable of loving someone.  The thought of eternal monogamy is pretty terrifying though.  But I guess I'll figure it out.  Just not quite yet….

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I have a few challenges that I am grinding through this month.  I am back on my diet/training regime.  This includes no soda, no bread, no fast food of any kind etc for 3 months.  It also includes no drinking for the next 3 months.  That one I'm really struggling with.  I am certainly drinking WAY less after my last period of no drinking.  I really wanna tighten up my fitness kick so I am gonna try to grind.

I am also going to try to not masturbate for a whole month.  I just deleted all the porn off of my computer.  Holy crap I had 65gigs.  Man that is a ton.  I hate to watch the same video more than once…  Anyways I actually deleted it all as a challenge.  I really wanna tighten up my game this month and I think this will help a ton.  It also leads me to my next challenge.

I am going to study a new guru for a month, every month for the next season.  I haven't set an end limit on this challenge.  I DO know that I am going to start by studying Mehow this month.  I know a lot of people don't rate him, but October does.  And for me that is more than good enough.  I just wanna get deep into my game and go more technical again.  I am good but I want to get amazing.

I can only focus on 3 challenges at a time in my mind.  So these are my current ones.

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So we meet up at 7pm on a Friday night.  She looks amazing, except for she is rocking a mustache.  This is my personal pet peeve for women.  I have have really been paying attention since this date and a LOT of women are rocking cookie dusters.  I try to ignore these things, but damn hers was pretty much a Tom Selleck situation.

To be honest I was able to put it aside and plow through the date.  I don't really have the strength to go through moment by moment of what happened.  Basically she spent the whole night picking at my frame.  I am used to major frame assault and tests.  Waht I am not used to is this tactic.  For example, when we went into the 2nd bar of the night I didn't offer to pay for her drink.  I just don't roll like that.  The girl has a high paying mayfair job and can support herself.  I don't pay for a girl as it sets the wrong frame.  I don't mind doing rounds like normal people.

She is like I guess you've never dated a French or Italian girl have you???  I was like what?  I have definately made out with both kinds. Hehe.  Anyways I was pushed onto my back foot.  All night she dropped hints about how she likes to date good-looking French snowboard instructors.  Actually, even writing this story is starting to depress me, but it's educational so listen up!  So she kept pushing about how it's classy to pay for a girl etc.  After her badgering I was like it's 2 pounds to shut this girls mouth.  We need to focus here.  On a first date she was henpecking me.  I was doing something I didn't want to to avoid a confrontation.  I should have stopped the date right here.  It's a clear sign that she is a horrible girlfriend.  This tactic will only get worse.

Now I have already mentioned that she brought up her good looking ex-boyfriends about 8 times.  I never talk about exes on a date.  It's a weird way of trying to demonstrate preselection.  I don't need to do this.  I have an awesome life.  I can ignore a girl making comments about other guy's being good looking a couple of times with no affect.  But she did it enough that it put another crack into my frame.  This girl was insidious.

Third, I told her I didn't want to talk about work.  I really hate spending an entire date talking about my coaching etc.  I told her that I'm a writer and a life-coach.  I just didn't want to spend three hours talking about pickup coaching.  For me it just makes a date boring.  So I changed the subject 30 times and told her again I don't want to talk about work.  She would keep shifting the subject back to my work by asking a new question.  She just basically interrogated me constantly.  And when I would ask her a comfort-building question she said are you gonna ask me questions all night?  When she made this comment it would poke against my frame again.

Now individually I can handle each of these attacks. I have strengthened my inner game a LOT over the past 20 months.  Now I wasn't ready for this type of frame war.  She came in softly, softly.  I didn't realize any of this until I spent the rest of the night analyzing why I was depressed after my date.  I normally am happy after a date.  I love spending time with pretty girls.

Now if there is one thing I hate on a date more than anything, it is awkward conversation over a huge ass dinner table in a brightly lit restaurant. Guess what.  She needled me into that situation.  She forced us into having a bad date and then when it was bad blamed me for it.  She wouldn't even kiss me and left at 10 to go to bed early.  I was never gonna text her or think about her again but she wrote me a huge text 2 days later.

So I waited a few days and decided to let her know that we are on two different pages.  Her text back was a frame assault on long the lines of "Of course we aren't on the same page…"  This girl was a master of frame control.  In a way I respect her ability.  It's just too bad that she uses it for evil.

So please take a lesson from my horrible date.  She boiled me slowly like a Frog.  Just took my frame 1% at a time.  The night before our date, I thought about canceling when she mentioned work early on Sat.  From now on I will cancel if I sense any trouble!

BTW drunk texting is so 2000 and LATE!  High texting is where it is AT!!!

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The Rewards

I am going on a date Friday with one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.  She is the girl from the White Wedding and let me be honest, I have had to play this bad boy cooler than any girl in the past.  That night I saw her with another dude multiple times.  I noticed him try to kiss her and there was a lot of close-talking.  I was somehow objective.  I didn't feel anything about this other dude.  I could have been intimidated by him easily.  He was taller and bigger than me.  Wearing a fancy suit. I just didn't care.  I assumed she would come back.  And she did. Beautiful girls deal with jealousy so much.  I used to want to date girls that no one else found attractive.  Think about that one sentence for a few minutes.  Jealousy kept beautiful women from wanting me and kept me from wanting beautiful women.  High value women have active social lives that they don't want to sacrifice.  If a woman does give up her male friends for you, she will resent you.  Eventually it will come bubbling to the surface.

The Challenge

In the back of your mind, it's so easy to imagine your beautiful girl meeting a better pickup artist when you're not around.  You can't always be around.  So you have to find a way to live without jealousy.  There is no positive to this emotion.  It's our natural instinct to want to control what's ours.  We want to mark our territory and keep other guys away.  Johnny Soporno teaches an opposite mindset.  He is a guy who has beaten jealousy totally.  I'm not at that level yet.  I don't know if I want to be totally without this emotion, but I want to minimize it.

Enough Crap – How to do it

We know jealousy is bad.  We know it keeps us from beautiful women and we know that it is part of us. The first step is to decide to change.  From there just try to notice every time you become jealous or nervous.  Realize it is an expression of your insecurity.  Super high value men don't get jealous because they don't need to.  If their girl cheats, they can just replace her.  That is a powerful frame. Every time you are jealous in the club, actively try not to be.  Just think about how you are a great guy.  Work on defeating your insecurity.  Progress on your inner game development.

Final Thoughts

The way to defeat jealousy is to accept yourself.  It takes a long time to get there.  I used to be the king of freaking out when guys stole my sets.  I would like to think I have gotten over this, but not totally.  I am just on a path to mastery and sharing a few thoughts here.  It's important to realize there are no benefits to being jealous.  It is not an educational emotion.  If you lose a girl, it's better to react objectively and look at what you did wrong. It's funny but lately I have been reading the blog of a guy I worked with ages ago.  He has some of the best stuff going on right now.  I just think his blog is so hilarious and he's having crazy sexual escapades.  I called him on Monday to talk about it and he was actually jealous of some of the crazy stuff I've been involved in lately.  So guys the grass is always greener.  Really work on accepting your life and only try to change things for yourself. I haven't had a drink in over 2 weeks because I am determined to get into amazing shape.  It's not for any girl, it's only for me.  That is why I am able to endure, even though I LOVE getting drunk.  When we try to change for other people it rarely sticks, but when we try to change for ourselves we can see great results.  The core of jealousy resides in a lack of self confidence, so as you learn to love yourself, your jealousy will drift away! Good luck!

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First of all, it’t not great to pour mindless stuff into my head 4-5 hours a day.  That is just a lot.  Also that adds up to sometimes 20 hours a week.  That is a part time job.  That means that this show was having more influence on me than anything else in my life.  That is a lot of time to something that is at best non-productive.  I have been trying to quit for a while because it limits my productivity.

Also I am really emotionally empathic.  For example when I’m reading a serial killer book, I keep looking over my shoulder.  When I read a sci-fi book, I dream of robots and space travel.  Listening to this show often puts me into a negative state or a victim mentality.  At best it turns off my talking and puts me into a purely listener state.  So that if I’m on the train and I see a cute girl, listening to this on my ipod creates a bigger hurdle for the approach.  I have to turn off the show and change my state, just to open.  That’s too much work.

Even worse is the frame that the show imposes.  Beautiful women have all the power and men must serve.  Only by being rich can one hope to snag a beautiful woman.  It’s just all too much of the wrong frame.  The world is only like that if you believe it.  It’s not the way to be.  Women don’t have that kind of power over men and there is more to life than just looks.  Honestly, listening to this show and not paying attention just implants the exact reverse of the mindset I want.  I date women that are unreasonably good looking in my estimation.  So this show is incongruent with my world.  I can’t have two things in my life that are at war.

So think about the things you watch and listen to.  They influence you.  I still keep wanting to listen to this show.  At some points it’s so hilarious.  But I can’t live within that negative frame anymore, life is just too good.

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I spent several hours last night updating my NLP with Bugsy Malone. We went through a ton of deep issues and I learned things that I did not know about myself. The whole process was really amazing and I have a couple of things to work on this week that will move me closer to my destination. I am going to start making a list of accomplishments in my life. These will become chapters in my new book. I am also going to prioritize my goals list for this year. I am going to do both of them today hopefully. I have a meeting with Jamie in an hour. He is my NLP guru, so I am looking forward to it.

Here are some of the accomplishments in my life that I have not thought about enough. (I will think of more later)

1. As a cub schout I won the pinewood derby for my entire pack. This was my whole school. At 7 I beat a ton of 18 year olds.

2. I am in MENSA. It took me years to get in.

3. I graduated uni in 3 years instead of 4.

4. I won the Latin medal in Latin III in high school. (After getting kicked out of honors..hehe)

5. I moved to Wales, Japan and the UK on my own and survived.

6. I won the high school debate tournament at Bronx School of Science. Which my school has never won before or since.

7. I qualified for the junior olympics twice in tae kwon do.

8. I started the first ever blood drive at my high school.

9. I have been with a woman funnier, better looking and better in bed than my oneitis.

10. I saved the soccer game in high school, when the main goalie broke his arm.

11.  I saved my friend from drowning.

12. I have DJed in clubs in the uk, japan and usa.

13.  I had a podcast in the top 10 on itunes

14.  As a DJ I havehad fan mail from all over the world.

15. I had a radio show in london.

16. I climbed 2 mountains in japan even though i'm afraid of heights.

17. I have partied with billionaires and not spent a penny.

18.  I was offered a job teaching uni.

19.  I was one of the top sales reps at dell.

20. I won the regional championships for nintendo video game tourney at blockbuster 2 years in a row.

21. I was a national merit scholar, with the highest score in my whole school on the psat with a 235

22.  I won university of georgia bulldog debates 2 years in a row.

23. I have been offered a record deal for 2 different tracks.

24. I talked my way out of jail in tunisia.

25. I spoke at the LoveSystems superconference.

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After my run today, I lifted my Body4Life routine.  It is a strange pyramid formation and not that many exercises.  But it takes me around 40 minutes to complete.  Mostly because I’m slow after the run.  Today I really pushed myself and could feel my muscles straining.  I can feel myself getting stronger.

So overall I’m not super annoyed about the weight thing.  I know I’ll push it down, it will just take the rest of these 9 weeks to ger there.  My finaly goal is 80kg.  If I can lock into that weight I will be super happy.  Afterwards I am thinking of doing Px90 with the boys from Art of Charm.  They have been talking about it recently and it is supposed to be killer and amazing.  I have decided that I want to be a healthy in-shape kinda guy for the rest of my life.

It’s a hard place to get to.  Changing my diet and attitudes is tough.  I think I need another session with my NLP lady.  To take my issues to the next level.  In fact I just took a break from writing this email to email her and let her know how much she helped me.  I will keep updating you guys on my progress etc.

Also, interesting fact.  During my whole 90 minute workout I lost exactly .50kg according to my gym’s scale.  How crazy is that?  And I had a water bottle with me today.

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