So for the past month I have had a girlfriend. I was so into her that I stopped writing posts about my dating life. It's weird how I can care about someone enough to respect their privacy. When I basically live without any myself.
I have been back in my hometown for a week now. I'm a little hesitant to say where I am, because I have some internet stalkers on a few weird forums who have been talking about my family etc. So for now I'll let you guys figure it out.
Anyways I think about my x like every day. It's really strange because technically we are broken up. But in my heart I just miss her so bad. Now at least I know that I am capable of loving someone. The thought of eternal monogamy is pretty terrifying though. But I guess I'll figure it out. Just not quite yet….
I have just finished my MA dissertation. It is at the printers right now and I will be picking it up Tuesday morning and handing it in. The I am 100% done with that forever!!! I get my grades and degree in November. I am really excited to be finished but now it’s time to look at the next phase of my life.
I have a few challenges that I am grinding through this month. I am back on my diet/training regime. This includes no soda, no bread, no fast food of any kind etc for 3 months. It also includes no drinking for the next 3 months. That one I’m really struggling with. I am certainly drinking WAY less after my last period of no drinking. I really wanna tighten up my fitness kick so I am gonna try to grind.
I am also going to try to not masturbate for a whole month. I just deleted all the porn off of my computer. Holy crap I had 65gigs. Man that is a ton. I hate to watch the same video more than once… Anyways I actually deleted it all as a challenge. I really wanna tighten up my game this month and I think this will help a ton. It also leads me to my next challenge.
I am going to study a new guru for a month, every month for the next season. I haven’t set an end limit on this challenge. I DO know that I am going to start by studying Mehow this month. I know a lot of people don’t rate him, but October does. And for me that is more than good enough. I just wanna get deep into my game and go more technical again. I am good but I want to get amazing.
I can only focus on 3 challenges at a time in my mind. So these are my current ones.
It took 2 weeks of high angle text game to get a date out of the Author. She has amazing blue eyes that pierce right through me. I made some serious tactical mistakes in setting up the date, that will reveal themselves throughout the story. I finally got the date when she said to meet up on Friday. Of course Friday morning I read my man Tenmagnet’s post on Dating Amushes. This is one of the best articles on dating and date mistakes I’ve read in AGES. I should not have let her set the date for Friday night. It messed up my chance to meet and chill with the legend, Zan.
So we meet up at 7pm on a Friday night. She looks amazing, except for she is rocking a mustache. This is my personal pet peeve for women. I have have really been paying attention since this date and a LOT of women are rocking cookie dusters. I try to ignore these things, but damn hers was pretty much a Tom Selleck situation.
To be honest I was able to put it aside and plow through the date. I don’t really have the strength to go through moment by moment of what happened. Basically she spent the whole night picking at my frame. I am used to major frame assault and tests. Waht I am not used to is this tactic. For example, when we went into the 2nd bar of the night I didn’t offer to pay for her drink. I just don’t roll like that. The girl has a high paying mayfair job and can support herself. I don’t pay for a girl as it sets the wrong frame. I don’t mind doing rounds like normal people. [More]
Easy to say, but let’s be honest – Hard to do! If you can overcome jealousy, it will change your life. Don’t be fooled into thinking I have conquered jealousy, but I have certainly beaten it back. A few years ago I was a level-1 jealous dude. I hated anyone who talked to my oneitis. It was a deep fiery rage. I thought she was banging all these dudes behind my back. (of course she actually was….)
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For me this show was such an addiction. It’s basically mindless drivel. I used to listen to it on the train, while I was playing video games and just when I was walking around the city. It’s not evil or anything. I don’t have a problem with the filth etc. Like most people who complain about this show do. It’s something else. [More]
I spent several hours last night updating my NLP with Bugsy Malone. We went through a ton of deep issues and I learned things that I did not know about myself. The whole process was really amazing and I have a couple of things to work on this week that will move me closer to my destination. I am going to start making a list of accomplishments in my life. These will become chapters in my new book. I am also going to prioritize my goals list for this year. I am going to do both of them today hopefully. I have a meeting with Jamie in an hour. He is my NLP guru, so I am looking forward to it. [More]
So I am 3 weeks into my 12 week program. It’s hard to judge exactly where I am. I have only lost about 2.5 kg over three weeks. Part of that is due to sustaining an injury and only working out last Monday. I was in the gym today and I set a new personal best on the treadmell. I hammered out a 5k in 36:32. This is about 3x slower than the world record. So there is a lot of room for improvement. But that really isn’t my goal. I think this weekend I will do a proper race with my house mate. I don’t think I can beat him, he’s was born in good shape. But I’m not gonna tell him that!
After my run today, I lifted my Body4Life routine. It is a strange pyramid formation and not that many exercises. But it takes me around 40 minutes to complete. Mostly because I’m slow after the run. Today I really pushed myself and could feel my muscles straining. I can feel myself getting stronger. [More]
A few weeks ago I started chatting to a new girl I met on facebook. She liked my pic and I liked hers. We chatted a bit and moved on to texting. I got her to send me a few cute pics on my phone and we tried to arrange a date. Logistics kept us apart and I went to Mexico. She was going to come to London this Sunday to hit the markets near my house and of course I’m into that! Then on Thursday she has a massive asthma attack and spends the day in hospital. She is too weak to risk the hour drive from her small town to the city and there is work on the train lines, making the trip into the city almost 3 hours.
I had a choice. I could let her cancel the date and not see her for two more weeks or I could do something I don’t normally do. I am really trying to do things that I don’t normally do. So I decided to jump on a train and a bus and visit her. I was able to write a chapter for my new book on the journey [More]
I got a call Saturday night from Bugsy asking me if I’ll be his volunteer on the final day of his nlp prac course. I am of course into trying new things so I go along. I didn’t realize til I got there that I would be working with a stranged. I picked an older lady because she looked like my friend Yad and also I wanted to work with someone really different from me. I’m all about changing my life and doing things that are challenging as much as possible.
So I have to come up with a problem I want to work on using nlp stuff. I try to think of a problem to work on that isn’t totally game related. I decided to pick something really challenging that I think about a lot. Why not? It’s all or nothing. I told her about how I am really working on releasing my body issues. I thought it would be relevant since I was going to mexico the next day. I’m on the flight writing this on my little computer right now. So I told her 2 issues I want to break through. The main one is feeling fat. I want to become totally one with my body and not care if i’m fat or skinny. To just feel it as irrelevant. I also want to break through the barrier that keeps me from going to the gym as much as I should. After I ran 5km on monday, I didn’t go to the gym the rest of the week. I feel like I have this psychological block that triggers whenever I hit a certain weight. I don’t push myself that final level to get the body I want.
We did a ton of time line therapy, which is really emotionally draining. I won’t go into too many details, but we went back to the first moment I felt fat and talked through the emotions and the things I should have known back then as a child. We did this for a long time and I think I feel better today. We also talked about how I get mad when people call me fat. I got furious when a girl in class called me fat last week. So she wanted to do another time regression thing to the first time I ever got angry.
So more marching along that timeline. It was a real bastard. At first I couldn’t think of that moment and it all felt cloudy. In the end we got there and worked through it. I am supposed to not be as angry about stuff anymore. We did a future timeline thing to test if stuff was working. I was supposed to think of something that would make me angry, so I imagined my best friend banging my oneitis. And I got super furious. She was like I guess this isn’t working. Then I told the main teacher what I was imagining and she was like, no you’re supposed to get angry at that! Try something tamer. So I thought about peopl making me wait at ticket gates on the underground. I felt disconnected from my anger.
This whole thing is supposed to take a long time for change to happen so I guess I will see. I am not believing or disbelieveing. I’m in a state of simply not knowing yet. I hope it works. I will see how things go in mexico. So far I just feel really mellow. This morning I was really stressed about being late for my plane. Every train on the way to the airport was late. I wasn’t nearly as stressed as I normally get. And I didn’t get angry. I do hope that I can get even more mellow. I’m definitely more interested in quality nlp than ever. I like the parts that are focused on self improvement and improving connections with people. It’s much more interesting than the nlp stuff some guys teach that is focused on getting girls. I really don’t need that help right now. I want to improve me.
We did a 3rd exercise to help me get through that barrier keeping me from going to the gym enough. So we did a drill to give me a motivation trigger. It seemed cool, but I don’t know if it worked yet. I really hope so. The lady asked me to tell Bugsy about my progress and he’ll let her know.
Overall it was a really good experience. I learned a lot and it was so emotionally draining and challenging. I think it was really good and I’m glad that he picked me to be his assistaant. Unfortunately, I had to rush off to see Watchmen, so I didn’t get to talk with him as much about it. I think that’s ok. I need a little more time to work through my emotions and experience. Anyways, I recommend exploring nlp as a path of self-improvement. I like that aspect of it.
Last night was another classic rave night with my club crew. YumYum, Iceberg and I hit up Hidden in south London for a free hard house party. Yums had some reservations about the party being full of shaved head troublemakers and I had a feeling there would be good vibes and cute girls in cute costumes. Turns out we were both right. There were a lot of creepy people there, but also a lot of cool ones. The tunes were hard as hell and more than I could normally deal with, but I took a pill and it all worked out in the end.
Everyone was in a really friendly vibe and we just had a good time. About an hour into the party I see two beautiful girls on the dancefloor right next to the decks, just going for it. Now since I am really into dancing, I am into freedom of expression. When people just dance to dance. That is my scene. My home. So these girls were exaclty the kind of girls I got into game to meet. I’m focused on my boys though, so we have a proper stomp kinda near the girls and then we drift away without thinking about it…. [More]
