The Story of my Oneitis

I fell in love with a stunning girl when I was living in Japan.  We were best friends and spent 6 days a week together.  She had a long distance relationship with a guy who I can only describe as one of he great losers of our generation.  He was an “actor” who had a single line in a video game that tanked.  He once told her that he would be happy if he was homeless but he only worked because he knew how greedy she was.

I was so weak that I couldn’t compete with this guy.  Imagine that.

We hung out all the time and I did EVERYTHING for her.  I paid for everything.  Took her out all the time.  Cooked all the time.

After six months we finally smashed on Valentine’s day.  It was cool.  Of course she made me promise to keep it a secret.  So everyone around us continued to think of me as a loser who was in love with his best friend and getting nowhere.  But in reality I was a loser who was in love with his best friend who was getting laid about once a month.  I had a bad case of oneitis.  There is no other way to say it.

I have so many vidoes and pictures of us hanging out all the time.  Over 5,000 pictures.  That’s right.  So believe me I know what it’s like to be at the other end of the spectrum.  In one of my videos I straight up ask my oneitis if she is banging a certain dude.  She tells me no.  I have it on tape.  How intense is that.  Wait and see!

One day she tells me she is starting to have feelings for this dude.  I totally freak out because I am so emotionally invested in her.  I am like you guys hang out sometimes, is there more going on?  Again she says no.  He lives so far away sometimes I drive her to chill at his for an afternoon.  Since she just has some feelings I guess it’s no big deal.  I mean I threw a tantrum like a baby.  I can’t lie to you.  I was such a bitch.  I think I threw her out of my apartment.

A few days later I call her and her phone picks up.  I hear a familiar sound.  I can’t hang up.  For 11 minutes I listen to her smash this other dude.

Turns out that she had been smashing him for a while.  Even now I’m 100% sure I don’t know the real truth.  Was she banging him the first time I asked months earlier and she said no?  No  way to know.

She broke up with her long distance boyfriend for this dude.  She was supposed to move back to America but she was willing to stay in Japan for this dude.  He told her not to bother.  One day he came up to me while she was out of town and wanted to be friends.  He talked about how she was a liar and a slut and we should be friends.  This chick was my best friend dudes.

This was almost 5 years ago and I am getting emotional writing about this right now.

I of course told her went down and she made me promise not to fight the guy for hating on her.  This between me and her were so strange.  She was back in my small village for a week before leaving Japan forever and we spent the week banging like champions.  In bed we are electric together.

The truth is that I can only tell you less than 1% of the story  here as it’s so convoluted and detailed.  I will tell you that that low point was when I told her “It doesn’t matter who you bang, I will always love you.”

If you aren’t cringing right now, I’m not sure you have been reading my blog enough!

The Inspiration for Change

I stayed in Japan another year.  The ghosts of her were everywhere though.  So when my time was up I couldn’t live in America.  I couldn’t be in the same country as her.  That’s how deep it was dudes.  I would love to pretend that I’ve always been a Jedi Pickup Artist but it ain’t true.  I am a creation of my own will.

I decided to move to London.  I of course couldn’t resist and spend a weekend in New York City with my best friend and met up with her for an afternoon.  If you ever read my posts where I am brutal to guys who are in love with their best friends it’s because of this day.  She already had a new boyfriend.  She’s one of those girls who’s perpetually in a relationship.  She can’t be alone.

I was so weak and I almost cried a ton.  I was the most beta guy on the planet that day.  I wish some other dude had come and kicked me out of orbit.

So I moved to London and I was so brokenhearted.  Distance did help and I finally stopped emailing her all the time.  Six months later I read The Game by Neil Strauss.  I read it in a single day.  It blew my mind.  If you ever wonder why I became such a legendary pickup artist so fast.  My pain was the fuel and this book was the engine.

That night was Christmas Eve and I was talking to her on the phone.  She mentioned how the dude might be moving to New York and he’d been by her apartment.  I realized in that moment what I was.  I was a worm.  I had created my own destiny.  But I was still a worm.  She hadn’t invited me to her apartment when I was visiting.

So I cut off all communications with her for years.  I focused on becoming the man I always dreamed of.  And the truth is she probably didn’t even notice that I wasn’t emailing her.  Was I cured?

Phase Three: Can You Get Your Oneitis Back?

This is a real truth about guys who read books and articles and blogs about meeting women.  And there is a 90% chance that it directly relates to you as you are reading this right now.  And most guys I know who are really big dating coaches will deny it to their graves.  But really most of us had the plan to become master pickup artists and then go back and make our Oneitis fall back in love with us.  I was just talking to Rob Judge about this the other week.  Might be why this topic is on my mind.

So a few months ago I was in Hawaii living my dreams and my oneitis popped onto skype.  It was so weird.  I hadn’t seen her online in like 3 years.  Within 30 minutes we were on the phone talking dirty as hell and I was badgering the witness.  I admit it.  She still really knows how to fire up my motor in a major way.

Turns out she just moved in with her new boyfriend but she was coming to Hawaii a few weeks after I was leaving.  She asked me to stay around and see her.  I could have.  But we definitely would have banged and I didn’t want to ruin another one of her relationships.  Even after all this time I still want the best for her.

We have been texting on and off for the last few months.  I’m going to be in New York very soon for a speaking engagement and so I was planning on seeing her and who knows.  She already broke up with that boyfriend.  So this was the first time we were ever talking when she was single.

I don’t want to go into too much detail since this all happened in the last few months and it’s recent history etc.  But the things I’ve learned is that people really don’t change.  She is 100% the same girl I knew 5 years ago.  She still plays the same games.  She still has the same issues.  She still knows how to break my heart without feeling anything.

Now I have changed a LOT since the last go round.  This time I was texting her while texting a hot lesbian in Nashville AND a hot lesbian in DC.  So the power dynamic has changed.  The games don’t hurt me.

The main reason I even put up with this is that at my heart I am a scientist and I love to see how experiements play out so I can report back to all you guys.  And my conclusion is this dudes.  Don’t go back.  You need to only look forward.  As much history as I have with this girl it just ain’t worth it.

But I can tell you write now that she will email or text or skype me sometime in the next few months.  And I will be tempted.  But I know my brothers will stop me from poisoning myself.

So please.  Try to stay cured of Oneitis.

Should you Get Your Ex Back?

It’s really amazing how many guys jump onto google and search for “how to get your ex back”.  There are a lot of people who want to reconnect with their ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend.  It’s a tough world out there and often when we don’t know what to do, we just turn to the internet.  There is a ton of information out there.  So how do you sift the good from the bad?

As you can see this started out as a blog to record my journey of dating progress.  I wanted to get my ex back so bad.  Now it’s been 2 years and I have a life filled with adventure and beautiful women.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

Why do you want to get your ex back?

Like many men in our society you have a common illness.  It’s called one-itis or oneitis.  You think that your ex girlfriend is the one.  She’s different.  She’s not like other girls.  There is no girl who is as good as her.  You probably feel like you can never get a girl like her again.  There are definitely products out there, such as Magic of Making Up, designed to get your ex back and help you through this trying time.

It’s important to realize that there are millions of quality girls out there.  Amazing beautiful girls that will change your life.  I have met thousands of girls since I first wanted to get my ex back.  I thought she was my only hope.  It’s ok to feel that way.  Do you feel like she’s “the one?”  The best you can do?  That is a struggle that you have to work through.

How to get your ex girlfriend back – Phase 1

The first step is to realize that you changed for the worse.  Over the course of your relationship the balance of power shifted out of your grip and into her hands.  When she realized that you needed her more than she needed you, she walked out the door.  You turned NEEDY.

There is nothing less attractive than a needy man.

You need to re-center yourself.  The first step in this process is to step away from the situation.  Take some time away from her and assess what it is you really want from life.  A little distance will allow you to gain some perspective.  It might suck or hurt, but in order to get a lot of time with her you need to spend some time away from her.

What NOT to do

Do not do anything you have seen in a romantic comedy.  Do not inundate her with messages of any king – text messages, emails, facebook wall posts, flowers, phone calls, etc.  If there is a spark of love left in her, this is like pouring gallons of water on it.  It is needy and it is exactly what is wrong with American film.

Do not stand outside her house holding a boombox over your head.  Do not call her friends for advice.  Do not “accidentally” run into her.  Do not take a date to her restaraunt or try to make her jealous.

How to become attractive again

If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, don’t spend all day sitting in your apartment thinking “how do I get my ex back?”  You need to get out into the world.

The easiest solution is to start dating other women immediately.  If you sleep with a few women, it will reset your mental state.  Right now you are only comparing her to nothing.  You need to actually compare her to other women.  I have slept with women smarter, kinder, more beautiful and funnier than my oneitis.  So believe me, I know this is possible.

Once you reset your confidence and can act normal around your ex, you can re-approach her.   She will smell other women on you and become jealous.

The REAL Solution

You should really change your path and start studying the craft of the pickup artist.  If you decide to change and grow as a man, you will be able to date 1000s of women.  You will realize what you are actually attracted to and what kind of women you really deserve.  You can have a life of adventure, mayhem and mystery.

I have been traveling the world meeting insane women for two years and I have no desire to go back to my ex.  She was ok for the old me.  But the new me is in LOVE with LIFE.  I realize what I can have and what i deserve.

I recommend you peruse a few of my random adventures on here to see exactly what is possible in life.

UPDATE: It’s OK to get back with your Ex Girlfriend or Ex Boyfriend

When I first wrote this article I was really pushing people to go out and have the adventures that my life is filled with.  But since then I have discovered that there is finally one company that actually puts out a solid product on how to get your ex back.  Whether you are a man or a woman I can solidly say that I endorse The Magic of Making Up.

A friend of mine actually followed this guide and got back together with his ex girlfriend and how they are really happy.  So it’s good to know that there actually is a good system out there than can help you get your ex back.

Check out the Magic of Making Up to Get Your Ex Back