First Encounter

So I'm out with my bro in law, well it's my sister's boyfriend but it's super long term, and we hit the bars on Friday night.  I'll shorten my usual lengthy intro and get to it.  I am just hanging out with him and not working girls but of course I end up talking to a professional sports team cheerleader.  I don't wanna say which team or too much because I know you sneaks will figure it out….

Her chubby glum roomate is super lame but she doesn't stop us from talking and doesn't even force my bro to talk to her.  She lets him sneak off to call my sister.  So I chat to this girl for like an hour or so and she seems awesome.  We start talking about Orbital.  Now if a girl knows about Orbital I instantly like her.  Of course if her body is tight as a drum as well…..I think you get the idea.  She is digging on me super hard so I get the digits.  I can't just go home with her because I got my bro with me and I am not putting him in that awkward situation.  I know he would just sit in the living room talking to the chubster, but my sis would be wicked mad.  I don't need family drama.

So me and him slip off.  When I get home she starts blowing up my phone.  I'm so bored.  I have nothing to do.  etc….  She just dumped her boyfriend of a year and a half earlier that day.  She doesn't say too much but I get the feeling the relationship was tumultuous.  I get a little bit of a Lifetime movie vibe.

She is smoking hot, so I wanna creep on her so bad.  I'm too drunk to drive over to her place and it's just too complicated a situation.  The next night I'm going out with some new dude from the local lair.  I'm not teaching so I just go out to raise hell.  I know I'm gonna get drunk so I take a taxi to the bar.  The whole way there my cheerleader is blowing me up.  Text text text.  She agrees to meet me at 1am for a date.  I think we all know what that means.

First Date

So I hang out with the dude for a couple of hours, but that's a sidestory.  She has to go home and change after her part time job.  I'm like I am sure you look fine etc….  I hate waiting.  But it was worth it.  She is wearing the tightest black dress of all time.  You can see everything.  All the guys are scoping her when she walks in and she comes straight up to me.  I get that full LondonPaladin feeling.  Like hell ya I still got it!  You know?  21.  Smoking hot. Cheerleader.  Into me.  It's allll good.

So we have a couple of beers.  She kinda lets me know that her last boyfriend was super possessive and it was a problem.  I'm like babe I'm the opposite.  A bunch of guys she knows walk up and it's clear they are orbiters.  Instead of my usual move of Tanking them (from My Best Friends Girl – great movie) I just tell her that I gotta use the bathroom and that they seem like really nice guys.  I disappear for like 20 minutes.  Some gorilla tries to start a fight with me in the toilets but my complete disinterest overwhelms him and he walks off.

I come back and we chill a bit more and then she's like I guess it's time to go home.  She asks how I got to the bar.  I let her know I have no car and she offers to give me a ride back to mine.  Ten minutes later we are back at her place.  We end up chilling on her porch and drinking beers for three hours or something.

I never felt that sexual spark.  Usually I just know in my guts when it's time to go for it.  And I just never felt it.  it's weird.  I can tell she's attracted to me and I'm attracted to her, but the physical is just all off.  At 4am or so she tells me it's time to drive me home.  We are now in her bedroom and I tell her that I hate that moment when we get to my house and it's awkward and I'm like do I kiss her or do I not kiss her etc.  She is like I just broke up with a long term bad relationship yesterday so I'm not ready to do anything.

I'm a nice guy at heart and by now I have the feeling that things between them were physical and not in the good way.  So I'm not gonna pressure a girl who's this damaged.

We get back to mine and I start to get out of the car and she's like what?  I don't get ANYTHING?  So I go for the kiss immediately and we have a high school style kiss.

I already know at this point that all signs point to crazy and that I should never talk to her again.  You just get that feeling.  Obviously I now can't resist her.

We have plans to hang out Sunday but she sends me the friends text.  She tells me she is too damaged and needs time away from boys.  Yay!

Warning Signs

So come Friday I'm out at the bar with JohnnyC69 getting my wasted on.  I am friends with a part time model/bartender and she was hooking it up.  I know we did at least 6 or 7 free shots.  So it all got hazy.  At some point she came to meet up with us and I try to ditch Johnny.  Because I am an asshole.

But he comes back and joins us for a few minutes.  I'm hammered so my first thought is "this son of a bitch is creeping on my new toy" but really he was bored of the other girls around us.  He talks to us for ten minutes and he is like dude that girl has the lowest self esteem of all time.  You need to get out of here.  Stay away from her.  My attraction skyrockets because crazy girls know how to bring the noise in bed.

I'm so hammered that I then lose her talking to her friends.  Two underage girls start creeping on me because they think I'm with her.  It's great.  All I remember is that she left without me and when I realize it and call her she's gone home. I take a taxi home and consider my epic drinking problem.

Shutter Island

Saturday night at 1am.  8Days since first contact.

She calls me and says she's bored and wants to see me.  She says all of her friends are out of town and she is lonely.  I am sitting in my room programming so what do you think I would rather do.  Some times I just think with my little brain.

I can't really describe the course of events after I arrived.  Time lost all meaning in the vortex of insanity so I can only offer you some highlights.  And I promise you that this is at most 30% of the crazy shit she said.  It's been two weeks and I am really trying to block it all out.

She opens her mail and finds a huge bill from the hospital.  She tears it up and says 'let's see those fuckers try and get me to pay when I'm dead."

She tells me how she met a guy in the hospital with a big red mark on his neck.  He tried to hang himself.

She decided not to date him because "You shouldn't date people you meet in the asylum."

That's right all you HATERS.  I found a girl who was actually in the mental hospital.  So don't ever tell me you met a crazy girl until you meet a girl who got locked up for it!

She starts saying how she is texting with her ex again.  I instantly know she will get back together.

He is a really good guy.  He just gets super jealous because he is really insecure and doesn't realize what a great guy he is.

He is almost 30 and basically unemployed but he's just finding himself.

She isn't allowed to go out or be near any other guys because he gets really jealous.  He cheated on his last girlfriend a LOT so he knows that it's easy to cheat. 

When he goes out with his friends he turns off his phone and he yells at her.  He needs his own space and privacy.  I point out at this point that he is 100% cheating on her and she explains that no – she is too hot to be cheated on.

She concludes this story by saying that yes he hit her.  But only once.  And it was really her fault for starting it.  And he will never do it again.

At this point she goes from calling him her x to calling him her boyfriend.  That's right.  That set of stories made her want to get back with him.

She went on about how he's her first true love and she's willing to work really hard and just wishes he would work really hard too.  She also mentions that she loves to watch Lifetime movies.  I laugh and tell her she's living one.

Then things started getting really crazy.

It's all such a blur I wish I had recorded it. 

I finally wanted to leave because I was just so bored after an hour of this.  She blocked the window with her leg.  Yes.  You go in and out through the window.  And is like you can't leave me right now.  She intimates that she might kill herself if I leave.

I am really turned on be emotional blackmail.

But don't worry.  It's all getting better.

She starts telling me about the girl's she is friends with that I should meet.  Like the one who had a baby last month but put it up for adoption.  Or the girl she got kicked out of high school with.

The whole time I am texting JohnnyC69 telling him what to tell the cops when they find my body in the woods.

The highlight of the evening was at dawn.  I am still trying to leave.  So she fakes appendicitis.

I am not even joking her.  She starts screaming and telling me she has unbelievable pain in her side.  Now I'm freaked out that if I leave she might die.  I do not want that conversation with the cops.  Especially with my fingerprints on the window and shit.

So I keep googling medical stuff on my phone and telling her that it might be an STD.  Some of them have the side effect of insanity.  she says this isn't possible.  Finally the pain just goes away after 2 hours.  The longest 2 hours of my life.  And I got trapped inside a rollercoaster in Japan.   By myself.  This was worse.

She tells me that she can't wait to hang out again.  I tell her that I will never see her again.  As I'm leaving I do try to get one last kiss.  I mean come on.  I am still a little bit of a creep.  She explains that our first kiss is the only time she's ever cheated on her boyfriend and doesn't want to do it again.  She asks if we can just be friends.

Um.  I don't need friends that I fear will cut me in my sleep.  But thanks.

What I did wrong

First of all.  Her attraction was diminishing by the moment after our first encounter.  The sexual spark was there that first night and each time after that was less and less.  Why you ask?  Because this girl is bat shit crazy and wants to get back with her ex because he treats her bad.  Which is her fetish.

I needed to go home with her that first night and have that rebound sex and then never talk to her again.

I also ignored all the warning signs.  I actually screen for crazy pretty hard when I meet girls.  Then I ignore my warnings.

That first night at her house I could feel it happening.  I was thinking too much comfort + not enough physical = let's be best friends!

Now the reason the physical is off is because she is attracted to abusive relationships.  This means that all of her physical signs and signals are off.  I don't speak that language so I don't know how to turn her on.  That's why we ended up with me becoming like an orbiter.

I kept going back after I knew she was crazy.  I basically live for the adventure.  I went over to her house because I knew it would be a great blog post.

Final Thoughts

It's just not worth it.  I have access to lots of beautiful women.  I need to avoid this type of girl.

Also, I cut out HUGE portions of her terrifying stories.  I didn't even tell you anything about her mom or her several crazy dads.  So when you see me in person, feel free to ask!

Related posts:

1. Dating a German
2. Our Seconds Date
3. Sunday Night at the Roxbury

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I met a really cute, really skinny brunette last Saturday night.  She's such a social butterfly that I had trouble getting a date with.  She lives like an hour away in the nearest college town.  We were texting here and there.  I was making sure she sent the last text of each conversation.  So Saturday morning I'm texting her and I let her know I have a new fishing pole.  Bam she agrees to a Monday morning fishing date.  It's important to know that I have been fishing once in the last ten years and I didn't catch anything.

So I have to crawl outa bed this morning at 7.  When the alarm went off I was like WTF?  Then I remembered and I slowly got into motion.  I show up at her house at 9 instead of 8.  When I call her I wake her up and she is in my car within 5 minutes and actually looking cute with so little prep. We head out looking for this little map that I found on google maps.

I got the top down and the sun is shining.  It was really nice out today.  It turns out the lake is more like a large swimming pool and it's surrounded by houses.  It's all private property.  We find this one spot where there is a big chain in front of a park with a no trespassing sign.  We park right in front of it and ask this dude who is mowing his lawn for permission to hang out there.  He tells us that it's his neighbor who put up the signs and that really he's trying to stop people who drive down right to the lake edge and tear up the grass.

So we go down and she totally wants to fish.  So I tie a hook on the line.  She is impressed with my knot and now thinks I'm a natural woodsman.  Don't worry that thought doesn't last long.  I strung the reel wrong and I have to cut off the hook and start over.  Eventually I get this little neon orange hook on the line and she starts casting.  I'm just chilling and chatting

I don't exactly go on a lot of morning dates.  But I never go fishing either.  I like the chilling part more than the catching a fish part.  To be honest I'm glad we picked this spot.  The water is like 4 inches deep and there are probably no fish in this "lake."

She keeps catching the hook on twigs and stuff so we move further down the shore til we are right in front of the dude's house.  It's the guy that put up the signs.  There are like 10 no fishing, no swimming, no NOTHING signs all over the place.  We are just chilling with no possibility of catching a fish.  She just keeps catching algae and shit.

Then she's like dude I got something.  I look and the line is swimming around.  I'm like wtf?  She starts slowly reeling it in.

She fucking caught an 8 pound bass.  In the shallowest water of all time. 

All I am thinking is that I do NOT want to touch that fucking thing.  She brings it in.  And I have to get into the mud to take some pictures and then to try and get the hook out of the bastard.  It's as big as a damn cat.  Every time I grab the hook to try and get it out the fish bucks.  It's totally freaking me out.

I try 3 or 4 times and then I'm like babe you're more country than me.  Get the hook outa that fish.  She tries about twice and finally we are wondering how long we have til this fish dies?…

In the end we cut the line with this giant neon orange hook in the fishes mouth.  I'm like sorry dude but if you don't hold still you just gotta look like an outlaw for life.  The girl has a piercing in the same spot so she kinda likes it.  So if you see a giant bass with a big orange hook and like 4 feet of line trailing from it, you know the two master fishermen that did that.

As far as the date went.  I didn't creep too hard.  I think she's pretty cool but she gets hit on by REALLY creepy guys like 10 times a week.  If a girl is attracting super creepy guys I might not want to get drawn into that vortex.  Plus her friend is super cute and I've started creeping on her too.  We had a really cool time and I've definitely expanded my social circle in a good direction. 

Related posts:

1. Day Game
2. Our Seconds Date
3. Warm Friday

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

The Purpose -

Whenever you are taking a photo with a girl, as with any "routine," pattern, piece of conversation, escalation or whatever you want to call it, you need to know WHY you are doing it.  The WHY will determine the effectiveness of the operation.  If you just take pictures to take pictures, well you won't accomplish anything. 

1.  To have a ton of pictures with hot girls – Let's not lie to each other.  This is the main reason we take pictures with girls.  We wanna throw them on our facebook page so that we can tell our friends we have social proof.  We want to attach them to field reports so that guys from the internet will respect us. 

Guess what?  That's a 100% legitimate reason to take a picture with a girl.  Building up your facebook page will slowly build up your social status, but the main thing that having a ton of hot girls on your facebook page does is make you feel good about yourself.  It builds up your confidence and this is a KEY element of all the dating systems I have ever encountered. 

A lot of guys will take a shitload of pictures when they are first learning game.  This will last for about 6 months.  I am not sure why, but it is usually about this long.  I went from pictures of every set to pictures here and there, to once a month or at a big party.

2.  To build attraction – You can spike attraction early in a set by taking a bunch of photos with a girl.  It's fun and girls love to by photographed when they are out.  Just because it only took you 15 minutes to get dressed, doesn't mean she spent less than an hour.  Girls only go out if they look amazing, so they are photo-ready.

With this goal in mind, you take the photos fast and early, but you don't push for the kiss.  This is more about having a ton of fun.  Think of all those Japanese girls that love puricura.  (the photobooth shit)

3.  To build rapport - It's later in the set and you are struggling to get past attraction.  You only have a tenuous connection with the girl.  You can tell she likes you but you want to tie her to that second date.

In this case you will focus on taking rapport building pictures.  Instead of you/her pictures you want US pictures.  Girls like taking romantic or fun photos and this is an easy way to get that facebook close.  She will want to be tagged in photos where she looks cute.  It makes you real.

4.  To escalate -  Let's not fuck around.  This is the main reason I rock the photo routine.  It doesn't matter where you are in set if you get this right, so I am really going to focus on this part.  I only break out the camera to get some pictures of a tongue war.  And the example photos below are of this version of the routine.

The preparation

You need to plan this in advance.  The first thing you need to do is get the right camera.  I know it seems obvious, but cell phone pics still look like shit when compared to digital camera pics.  I have been rocking the same camera for 5 years now and it's still taking way better photos than my new badass blackberry. 

Equipment

I use a Casio Exilim.  I bought the bitch in Japan in 2005.  That's right.  I'm that old.  And this camera is my fucking soulmate.  I took like 5k pictures of my oneitis with it.  I took pictures in Thailand, South Korea, Cambodia, Japan, Sweden, Austria, and England with it.  It has been there for my whole journey.  It broke once.  Like the zoom motor broke.  I took it to an electronics shop in Japan and they fixed it for like 80 bucks. It's been perfect ever since.

I bought this camera for 2 very important reasons.  Everyone I knew who had been in Japan for more than a year had the same camera.  In a country where electronics kick ass, to see 10 people saying the same camera is awesome is a BIG sign.  The other reason is more important.  It's the exact width of my fingers.  Most fuckers don't think of this shit.  But I get drunk…A LOT.  So some of the newer version of this camera are a little difficult for me to hold.  Translation – I will drop them.  I mean I am pretty sure that in 5 years I have dropped this camera 3-4 times.  But it's endured.  Also if a camera is too thick, you will hold it different each time.  That's no good.  So get one that fits your hand.

The case for your camera is also something to consider.  If you got keys or your phone in the same pocket the thing is gonna get knocked around.  I have a case that my camera slips into.  It basically adds like 2mm on 5 of the 6 sides of the camera.  It's not a big stupid camera case with room for film or whatever.  I love it and it's SMALL.  Remember you don't wanna wear like a fishing vest filled with your "pickup gear."

The 2 Ps – Plan and Partner

This is like the most important part of the photo routine.  You gotta let your wing in on it.  You need to have a 5 minute discussion with him about what to do.  2 years ago I almost punched Keychain in the face for fucking up my photo routine.  You wanna make sure that your wing remembers that he is your friend and doesn't start doing that old school lame ass "alpha" shit like start taking pictures of himself and then hand the camera back. 

Instead let him know that HE is crucial.  When he has the camera girls RESPECT him.  Think about how we treat photographers our whole lives.  Our brains are programmed to obey them.  And if a girl is a model, well then she really can't resist the commands of a camera man.

Your wing is important for 2 reasons – he can escalate on your behalf AND he is a buffer.  If I can get a girl to kiss me on the cheek, then my wing can convince her to lick my cheek.  This is a picture that Stickler took where he told 2 girls to lick the side of my face.  He took like 3 pix but this is the best one.  And BOTH of these girls had boyfriends like 5 feet away.

He is a great buffer because if the girl rejects his escalation, it doesn't affect you.  You can just burn him.  If your buddy is like "make out!" and she freaks out.  Just be like ignore him, he's always making trouble.  And BOOM. You protected her.  So you can still get points.

Strike Time

Now you do NOT need a reason to take a photo with a girl.  Just in the middle of chatting say "Let's take a photo."  It's that simple.  Don't make it a big deal.  If you are opening with a photo routine then you might need something else. 

Goal 1 - If your goal is a ton of pics with hot girls then just do a speed version of this routine.  Walk up to girls and say you are on vacation and you want pics of all the cool people from there.  Just be high energy.  Or have your wing say it's your birthday and you need pics because you are going to blackout.  This both work.  Just remember.  HIGH ENERGY.

Goal 2 - About 5 minutes into the set either brake out the camera or have your wing do it.  "You know what?  You're pretty cool.  Let's take a picture so we can treasure this moment forever."  Say something fun or cheesy like that.  Then take silly fun photos and only ratchet up for the romance at the end of the routine.  Take a normal pic.  Then underwater with cheeks puffed.  Then scared like the boulder from Temple of Doom is rolling behind you.  (Most girls I go for are too young for this movie so I just say being chased by the Abominable Snowman).  The idea here is to have fun.  You can make the final picture – Stare into each other's eyes like you are on top of the Eiffel Tower.  This is money!  Flips her romance switch.  (If you are going for a bf situation)  You gotta calibrate to what you want.  But this is an easy way to transition to comfort.

Goal 3 -  Take the pictures when you are getting to know each other.  Make it more of a travel vacation theme.  In front of the pyramids.  In a space ship.  In the future when you both have robot eyes.  Shit like this.  It's about future projecting and locational rapport.  (To show you that I DO know some fancy ass pua terms.)

You want her to imagine you in her life in the future.  And you want her to imagine you in different backgrounds.  Both of this things make her feel like she has known you longer.  She will feel more emotionally closer to you.  This is comfort/rapport/connection or whatever pickup term YOU like to use for it.

NOW THE GOOD SHIT

Goal 4 – Escalate.  If you read goals 1-3 and said fuck that noise.  Then I totally hear you.  Basically as you advance through game you will move this routine later and later in your set.  Until you get tight and then just use it whenever you want.

First the DEMO!.  These pics were taken by Tov last Friday after I taught him the basics of the routine.

I met this girl about 3 minutes before this photo was taken.  I was outside smoking and I just had a feeling.  I gave Tov the signal and he was like lemme take a photo. 

Now a beginner might look at this photo alone and thing "shit how does he do that"  but I am gonna let you guys behind the curtain.  It's all perception.  If a girl feels a little bit comfortable with you, she will fall into her normal "I'm with a guy" pose.  That's what is happening here.  YES she is attracted to me, but just a little bit.  This is her being normal for her.

This photo is about 90% good winging by Tov.  He says to her.  What the fuck are you doing?  Take a REAL photo.  He's escalating her for me.  So she leans in more.  When I am winging I will shout things like "Show me the sexy!"  But just see what girls respond to when you are the photog.  Just think paparazzi.  You can shout shit like "come on this shit is gonna be on TMZ, sex it up a little"  Any shit like that.

So now she is leaned in close.  Of course I think this pic sucks with here eyes blacked out.  It isn't as good looking as the first one.  Even though from a technical standpoint it's got a TON more kino and compliance from her.  See how my body is pointed towards the camera but her's is pointed towards me?  That's right.  Her vagina is aimed at my cock.

This picture is epic because a TON of things are happening right here.  All within about 2 seconds.  So I am gonna bring you through on slo-mo. 

Tov starts by "fucking up" my routine.  He over escalates.  He says "now kiss."  No lead in or anything.  And I start to burn him, BUT she immediately kisses me.  The student becomes the master.  It turns out that I underestimated the situation.  Or how slutty this girl is, but either way.  She complied with the full push.

So I hesitated, but the force of his will was enough to get me the makeout.  This led to about a 20 minute dirty makeout session.  The idea here is to have a good flow.

We went pictures -> sexy picture -> makeout.

The Standard Version

Now you should always be willing to vary what you do and experiment with new shit.  But this is the basic Paladin Escalation Photo Routine. (PEPR – pronounced pepper)  HAHA..  I just thought of that wicked name for this.  You can be like hey wing "Got any Paper?" and he can be like no, but I've got a fucking camera.

Ok so the photos have 3 phases.  And I usually only take 3 photos.

1.  Take a normal picture.  Anything can work here.  Just bring her in really tight.  If she gives you 6 take 7.  On the scale of like sexy photoness.  So if she snuggles a little, just push for a little more. 

2.  This is the escalation photo.  It's like preparing her for photo 3.  Depending on vibe you want to go for the Under the Ocean pic or you can push for the Can't you be Sexy pic?  Either way you are moving attraction and kino forward.

3.  The close.  Here I usually say now stare into my eyes.  Depending on vibe, you can say something like just like in Lady and the Tramp.  Or you can say somewhere romantic. 

Again if your partner knows the pattern, all you have to do is let him direct.  If you are obeying him, she will feel that and feel even more inclined to obey.

 Final Thoughts

You and your wings should just have 1 camera for the night.  I used to be the camera guy, but now I just give my camera to someone I trust.  Now some guys will take the camera and then hand it back to you at the end of the nigh without having taken a picture.  So never give that dude the camera again.  It's a waste.  For now Tov is my new camera dude because he's a maniac with it.  I just opened iphoto to get those 3 demo photos and there are like 30 pics of that fucker with different girls.  I mean really I want him taking pictures of me, but hey.  Either way it's happening.

The other thing is that if you take a club photo with a girl you probably won't fuck her.  This is pretty much why I stopped taking photos.  Whenever I think a set is really good to go, I don't take a photo.  Like these pics are from Friday.  This girl wasn't special so whatever.  But Saturday night I met a girl that was smoking hot and super cool.  I only ran 1 set all night and so I didn't break out the camera.  This might just be my personality.  So you can experiment for yourself, but keep this in mind.  Once a girl takes a pic with you a one night stand HAS to count.  Because there is proof. 

Don't take pictures to fuck with a girl.  Don't post pictures to harm her or fuck with her reputation on facebook or some shit.  For real.  I have 3 sisters and 2 nieces and I fucking love women.  So just don't use my shit for evil.

Related posts:

1. LondonPaladin’s Photo Routine 2 – Poses
2. Sweden with Soul – Night 2
3. The Jasshole

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I wasn't really gonna write a field report about this night since Tov and Svelte wrote such good recounts on the lair and masf, but what the hell.  It was a crazy night.  For me I really don't like to write about stuff unless it's really educational or amazing.  I realized that I still haven't written about the time I almost went to jail for 25 years in Tunisia for fornication.  I am really writing a short story about that.  So I'll see what comes of it.

Anyways, I get a call from JohnnyC69 that Tov and Svelte drove up from Cookeville, picked him up and are on the way to my place.  Then he asks where I live.  It's astounding that a guy can come over like 5 times and still not know.  But I get lost a lot too.  It's why I always rely on the GPS in my blackberry.  So I tell him the way and tell Inbred to get dressed.

The guys scoop us and we head to my favorite local honkey tonk.  It's pretty empty so we are just sitting outside chatting.  Just a quiet Friday with no cute girls.  Since I don't have to drive I decide to throw down a few cocktails.  I'll admit it – I like to drink.  I'm not sure what happened but suddenly I was drunk as shit.  I only found out later that my drinks were like 80% vodka.  So I was 4x drunker than I expected.  Well in these types of situations we just gotta adapt.

I realize 2 things are once – we are standing in what I call a lair circle and I really need to pee.  Now if you have ever been out with a group of more than 3 pickup artists or visited a small town lair you will be able to quickly recognize a lair circle.  All the guys stand in a circle talking about girls and never opening.  There is something like a vortex about them.  I have seen 'em in London and Cambridge.  Virgo told me he saw one in LA.  So I know they happen everywhere.  I need to break out of this so I tell Inbred it's time to stroll.  I go into the toilet and that son of a bitch is in a goddam 1set.  How does that help me warm up??  I head back to the boys because I still have that antsy feeling.

It's like when you are doing double skip jump rope and you just wait for that right moment to jump in.  If you time it wrong the ropes will hit you.  You know when to jump, but if you get nervous your timing will be off and then it all ends in tears and skinned knees.  I have never actually done jump rope with 2 ropes, but this is just what I imagine it feels like.  And this is my story so I get to use whatever damned metaphors I want to.

So I go back to the guys and Tov and Svelte are dripping with AA.  They are from a small town and I get that.  Plus I guess they are actually JohnnyC69 fans.  Which is kinda cool for him.  I mean they are nice guys.  Just young.  As most guys know, there is nothing more contagious amongst animals than fear.  And AA is just another form of fear.  So now I'm catching it and I know that if you leave it just lying there, something will break.

So I head back and find Inbred and he asks me to wing him.  Turns out his girl has a friend.  I'm really not sure why he is talking to a 6, but I get to enjoy the company of her friend.  A rock solid 4.  Good news though.  She is one of the ugly girls who also has a shitty personality.  I walk up and ask her why she's texting so much.  Turns out she's updating her facebook status.  Awesome.  I just keep grinding and it's not hitting.  I will tell you something that is no secret to any of my friends.  I SUCK with ugly chicks.  They just hate me.  I can't close a 4 to save my life.  I'm not complaining really.  It's like the fact that I can't get strep throat.  I'm simply immune to that disease. 

I could make out with girls who have strep throat all night long and nothing will happen to me.  Now if she blows me…I just don't know if a man can get strep cock, so why find out?

So this girl is just boring as hell.  She keeps doing facebook shit.  Eventually she tells me that my beard is ugly.  Now I know for a face that I have a bad ass George Micheal 1988 beard.  I have experimented with dozens of looks and haircuts to maximize my sexy factor.  I mean she could call me fat.  I'm a little bit chubby so ok.  But she hates my beard?  Lying to a man is just plain rude.  By this point Inbred's girl has walked off so I finally eject too.  I can only do so much winging.

He then tells me that it counts as him opening two sets.  I was like what?  If you fuck the same girl twice does that mean you have fucked 2 girls?  I hate his math skills.  I mean lack of math skills.  I'm still a little pissed about the 10 in the car that he snatched from me.

Anyways, my AA is rolling back in.  It really just never goes away.  Every day is a new damn day.  So I'm like Inbred, let's roll.  Fuck this noise it's time to make some waves.

So I see 13 girls sitting on a bench and I just open all those bitches.  He rolls over to the other end of the bench.  My girl is ok, but we are just too close to the band so she can only hear some of what I'm saying.  Then we start watching Inbred.  I don't know what that fucker is saying and he still hasn't told me, but goddamit.  I watch each girl he's talking to get up and he slides on seat closer to me and the girl I'm talking to.  I'm trying to get through the girl next to me to her friend who is actually really pretty. 

And Inbred is rolling at me with the power of the inevitable.  I swear to God.  He actually got all the girls to get up including the one next to me.  She even pinkie swore that we would talk again.  Obviously we never did.  To be fair I forgot which one she was, because something strange happened next.

The bar is only 40% full which always makes me nervous when I'm out but almost every girl there is a Nashville 8 or better.  I gotta say Nashville 8 because I have been to Sweden.

From here on in, the story is going to be out of order.  I was drunk as shit and I always lose my internal clock when I'm drunk.  I remember a lot of the night but I can never remember the order things happen in.  Tov was like having an AAgasm, so I grabbed him and threw him into a booth as hard as I could.  I could swear I heard bone crack into wood, but sometimes you just gotta beat the fear out of someone.  According to his field report that set went really well for him.  So just goes to show, a firm hand works.

I end up meeting some big dude from Wisconsin or one of those other states that people never really talk about and they never have movies that take place there.  It's like one of those states that writers write about to show people how smart they are.  It reminds me of books like Catcher in the Rye or something.  I know that's in New York but I just wanted to mention how much I hate that book.  Complaining teenage angst.  Or maybe Wisconsin is where all those "coming of age" plays take place.  All I know is I have never been there and I doubt I could find it on a map.  And I'm pretty sure my oneitis went to college there.

OK.  So I am talking to this jacked dude and I swear he starts talking about how all these guys in the bar are roided out.  I was like dude you are pretty jacked.  But I can see his point.  Then we start to make fun of fat girls.  Those bitches ALWAYS drink diet coke.  I don't think they understand that diet means something different when you put it in front of a word.  It's much better AFTER a word.  I will explain.  DIET PEPSI – Less fattening pepsi.  SOUTH BEACH DIET – a method to make your fatass shrink (or give you a heart attack.)

So we start joking about this and 2 girls roll out.  I dive at their table and start chatting to mine.  Her voice was so deep me and this dude jump.  I was like holy crap this girl is channelling Barry White.  So we chat a few minutes and his girl has a husband or boyfriend who comes out and it's like we are trying to eject as fast as possible.  Also I think mine had a bad personality.  Or I might have just thought that because her voice was so deep.

Then at some point I was talking to this girl by the bar for like 40 minutes.  Oh shit.  I remember now.  I walk up to this really cute girl and the guy next to her and ask if he's her boyfriend.  She says he's her brother and I said that still doesn't answer my question. 

So I chat to her and he slips off.  She has this orbiter friend guy that keeps popping around.  Lately I have been talking about how all orbiters are bitches and I have been tanking them like crazy.  Just because they try and step to my game.  Man I made this dude cry last week, but anyways.  I keep chatting to her and I get her number.  And I am like baby what's your name again?  She tells me and I start laughing.  I thought she was making it up.  I was like that's not a real name.

Whoops.  Turns out it wasn't a fake name, but it might have been a fake number.  I'll never call after that.  And dudes I don't know how this happened but her orbiter just walks up and starts making out with her.  And all I can do is think man that guys shirt is really cool.  Usually orbiters dress like dicks, so I respect any dude with good fashion in this one horse town.  I almost ask him where it's from but his tongue is busy. 

I'm not even upset because 3 minutes later I'm in another set.  I am totally forgetting like 7 sets or something so you'll have to ask the other guys or read their field reports.  I 5 pictures from the night so those help me a lot with figuring things out.  This dude looked exactly like Freddie Prinze jr.  and since that dude is on 24 this year he is all in my mind.  I love that show.  Can't help it.  So much over the top drama.

Ok so I decide I like this dude.  I do some of my jazz and I kiss this girl then he kisses her.  Now his two "wings" show up.  These guys are total idiots.  They are trying to tank me but they don't realize that I've decided to help Freddie out.  I mean the dude is fighting terrorists on tv every damn monday night.  It's the least I could do.  They keep saying shit that is weirding this girl out.  I pull them aside and I'm like guys I know you think your'e cool but you're destroying your friend.  If you wanna keep him from getting laid keep talking.

According to Tov I did a spin move and then those dudes were gone.  I will ask him tomorrow to show me what I did.  But then I chat with Freddie and his girl some more….and then blackness.  HAha.  I know.  I wonder if he closed the set too.  Oh well.  Thanks vodka brain!

Next set.  There are these 2 blonds.  They were so hot that I chickened out on opening them twice earlier.  But it's time.  They sit down and I jedi open that shit.  Within one minute this girl that's so hot is fucking with my tie.  I am wearing this cool purple shirt I got from Express with a skinny white tie.  The bitch makes it into a big Donald Duck bow.  All the other guys are impressed by all this "kino."  But the main thing going through my mind is how did I lose control of this train?

Of course I have this other issue.  I really respect when a girl is ACTUALLY funny.  I mean it's pretty rare.  Especially for a really hot girl.  But I thought that was really funny.  So I left it in for like 5 whole minutes.  I have 2 pictures of me with these girls and that tie.  It's so funny.  Anyways they go to get more drinks or to use the bathroom or dance.  Those are the 3 things girls do.

Last thing I remember is that I am talking to some girl and Tov is right next to me sitting down.  He says she's a really hot blond.  So I believe him.  The guy was stone cold sober.  So I talk to this girl like 5 minutes and I shout GROUP HUG.  And he starts to stand up and I'm like don't move fucker.

And then I just shoved the girls face at his face.  Their faces are like 1 milimeter apart.  That's less than an inch for you guys that prefer inches.  And like the damn kid doesn't pull the trigger. 

I read his field report and the kid feels a shitload of shame.  So I'm not gonna torture him on here.

Analysis of the Night

I have pictures of me with 5 smoking hot girls.  Good for the old facebook profile.

I kissed 2 girls ( I'm pretty sure)

I got 1 number (then told the girl her name was shitty)

Overall I had fun but for real I mean to focus and get my dick wet.  Maybe next time I will be less like Tucker Max…but probably not.

Related posts:

1. Friday Night Fate
2. Friday Night with Sasha
3. A Night with Switch

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I have been recovering from the events of New Years Eve for a few days now.  I certainly haven’t been out partying since then, so it’s still fresh in my mind.  This is a long tail and my fingers are sore, but I’ll do my best.

I decide to spend new years with my buddy Truck. We have been going out almost every night since I got home and he is currently my best friend here.  We are even moving in together in a few weeks.  I hear from a couple of the lair guys about some event downtown where a guitar is dropping and Nashville wants to be Times Square.  Sounds lame, but they also promise a crowd.  And I LOVE crowds.

We load up a couple of flasks.  Jack* for him and Parrot Bay for me.  Don’t judge!  I basically drank Jack 80% of the night.  But man nobody loves it like Truck.  To be honest, I think he should be sponsored by Jack.  We get my dad to drop me off at a local bar at like 7 or something.  You can never really start New Years too early.

Before we leave the house we load up a little bottle of diet coke with Jack.  By the time we get to the bar I’m already tipsy and feeling smooth.  We pull up a coupla stools at the bar, but I gotta stand because there is a huge steel flask in my back pocket.  Fun fact for you guys – I bought the two flasks years ago at pottery barn.  I am pretty sure just to sneak into movies.  So I am standing there and we pound a couple of beers.  There is a real lack of eye candy in this sports bar.  I know.  But it’s a good warm up.

The place is one of my old haunts and it is really interesting to see things through eyes that have been opened.  There is a girl bartender that Truck thinks is cute, so of course the guy serves us.  Guess if he got a good tip.  I hate being served by a dude.  So we get pretty lit there and then I am getting texts from a lair dude offering a ride the rest of the way to downtown.  How could we turn that down?

Somehow we get an amazing free parking space right on the street about 100 meters from the party.  I know I use meters, but look I been in the UK a long damn time.  So I have to pee so bad I can taste it in the back of my throat.  We pop into Sbarro's to hit the toilet but the line is bastard long.  This other dude says he has a secret piss spot that won't have a line, so I put my trust in him.

We end up behind a dumpster next to the bar I do all my game in.  As I am tearing into the back of this thing like a racehorse, guys come out to throw out trash and are like don't piss here!  But they are just joking and don't really care.  I know I didn't.  While the other guys are pissing I start talking to some dude having a smoke.  It turns out he is a barback in there.  So I chat to him a bit to find out how many girls are in there etc.  Seems like a good option.

We spend some time outside in the free party and me n Truck are hitting the flasks to keep the party going.  There isn't a cute girl in site and there are tons of families and chubby out-of-towners.  Finally Truck and I decide to hit our new bar.  We try to bring the other dude, but at the last minute he leaves the line.  We asked if it was too expensive for him, as we didn't want to be dicks.  He ran off to see his other friend and I didn't even realize it, as I was giving my ID to the bouncer dude when he slipped off. 

Inside we chat to this smoking hot bartender that we have been befriending for weeks.  She is cool and then we bounce around.  Gonna be honest.  Truck got a double of Jack and I sad me too like an idiot.  It tasted like fire and shame.  From then on, life got REAL hazy.  I started talking to this older lady who looked like someone.  I can't remember who.  She was cool and was married to the barback up there.  He was so jacked. 

Truck starts talking to this really pretty chick.  He didn't realize that she was super married.  I could see her diamond from 20 feet away.  I am joking with the other 2 girls for a while and finally I decide to dive in.  Her friend is kinda cute and NOT rocking a ring.  So I roll up.  I am like I think my friend has no idea this girl is married.  We start chuckling and she is like ya her husband is right here.  He totally doesn't care, so why not chill out.  I chat to my girl about 5 minutes and we start kissing.  It's only 11:30.

People around us start clapping.  Her friends now want to go outside for the final ball drop.  She is like come with us and I will give you a real kiss at midnight.  So I say, how about you just give me a real kiss right now – stick your tongue in my face.  So she does and I nearly lost a tooth.  It was awesome.  Unfortunately, there was a complete and total lack of logistics.  She is going back to Chicago the next morning and staying with her friends.  So I let her go outside without me. 

I start talking to Truck and he never realized his chick was married.  It was funny.  OK, from here on events are NOT chronological.  When I get hammered I lose my timestamp ability.  I know.  I wonder if it's just me.

I am downstairs by myself and I start talking to some pretty girl.  She grabs my hand.  Oh wait.  I met some black dude.  He plays basketball for a college around here.  He points to one of his girls and says she's all yours.  She is digging me.  That's how I met her.  They all go upstairs and take me with them.  They walk off and I'm kissing her and I'm on the dancefloor.  Then some jacked white dude comes up and puts his hand in my face and says Timeout!  I can smell the orbiter on him from a mile away.  I decide that I am not in the mood for a confrontation.

I go back downstairs and start talking to some girls.  I tell them I lost my only friend in town and ask them to be my new friends.  I talk to 3 pairs of girls in the same area around the same time.  I got the number from one of these girls.  I think she's a blond.  It's been 2 weeks and we are still texting.  Of course now I'm out of town and next week she is, but we'll see what happens.  But I really have a fog about this little amount of time.  So let's go to the next event, shall we?

I am back upstairs talking to my original married chick.  I meet her husband.  Dude is a bounty hunter as well as a bar back.  We talk for at least an hour.  Really cool dude.  So funny.  I don't remember all the details.  I got his number but he didn't reply to my text the next day.  Oh well.  At least I collected another job. 

Hmm.  Eventually me and Truck leave the bar and run into the lair dudes again.  The dude drives us home which was super cool.  It's all hazy.  Someone texted me this week saying they met me that night.  I am not sure who he is, but I guess I'll find out when I'm back in town. 

Overall it was a really fun night.  I love drinking and I love hanging with Truck.  Can't wait to move in with him next month.  Two makeouts is a bit of funny, but nothing too crazy.  I'm crashing with my folks til the end of the month, when I move into my new apt.  I wanted to wait until after I get my first paycheck at my new job.  So logistics were brutal.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I spent 24 hours celebrating my 29th birthday with a host of my lovely friends.  I have to say that it was one hell of a crazy and hectic night…ok it lasted two nights. I started by hitting White Wedding. 

At least 30 or 40 lovely people showed up just for me.  From TeaBag to YumYum.  It was really amazing.  I remember a lot of shots and cocktails.  I cut the sleeves off my tuxedo to show off my glamour muscles. 

I put a new temp tattoo on my right bicep.  Lord of the Rings.  One ring to rule them all, one ring to bind them.  Let's be honest.  I looked badass redneck.Originally ghost was gonna cut off his sleeves too, but of course at the last minute he chickened out.  He's a great housemate, but he just lacks the power to go full awesome.  I was chilling with some lovely people and then YumYum finally shows up.  And he has cut off his entire shirt. 

Attention stealing bastard.

Everyone really looked great.  I met a ton of people and took a ton of pictures.   At one point I did a ten minute photo session upstairs.  Only one of the photos got posted to their site, but it looks awesome and it's my new facebook profile photo.  Unfortunately, they ended the party at like 130.  And I think we all know that that is way too soon.  So Iceberg dropped a bunch of us off at Cable. I have never been to the club before, but the girl with us was worried that we wouldn't get in with our outfits. 

I gotta say that is was one filthy club and dropped the worst techno ever.  I swear I think they played only one record the entire five hours or something that we were there.  I met some girl at the bar with really cool boobs.  I must have chatted to her almost an hour. 

Unfortunately, I was super drunk and she slipped through my fingers. I saw her again a few hours later, but wasn't able to chat anymore.  I met some other girls through Ghosts "friend."  They were calling me Hitch, so I knew I would have to yap about work.  In my experience talking about work with girls gets them excited, but also keeps my dick outside of their vaginas.  I was so hammered, but this still proved to be the case.  One of the girls was cute, but no dice. 

Around 6 or something Ghost, YumYum and I decide to call it quits.  Ghost was ready to leave the moment we walked in anyways.  So we left his "lady-friend" and jumped in a taxi. I throw YumYum on the couch and hit the sack. 

By noon he is crawling into my bed and trying to convince me to go to the Church.  This is a crazy Australian day club in north London.  Everyone wears costumes and drinks a ton of Fosters.  At first I was hating it.  Most of the girls weren't that pretty and I hate drinking beer.  It's just so much hard word to get twisted!  Even in my debauchery I like to be efficient.

At some point October and Machine joined us.  I chatted to Machine about the possibility of living together in Hawaii in a few months.  That would be super badass.  So we chat up some girls for a bit and eventually a girl pulls my shirt off.  At this point things start to get a bit hazy.  I found pictures of me kissing at least 5 different girls in my camera.  Which is a pretty good result. After Church closed we went to a Walkabout in west London. 

That bastard YumYum kept buying vodka and redbull.  You should never have more than one of these in a single day.  For real. So we were partying and kept meeting new girls all over this joint.  I kissed two really pretty girls.  But I only know this from my camera.  Glad I brought it for once!  I lost Yums for at least an hour in there somewhere. 

I remember I was outside talking to a really hot black girl and we just started making out.  Then Yums comes out and is really crying.  He can't find either of his jackets and he's cold. So I leave the girl behind to help him. 

We look all over the club and after 30 minutes find his gear.  Right as the joint is closing.  For some reason I actually got this girls number, which I never do, and I started texting her.  I was taking care of Yums, who had been blacked out for hours and was making a scene in front of McDonalds.  I can only say that it was pretty special. 

Finally, I am like dude you HAVE to let me try and get laid.  I walk off to find my girl.

Needless to say I get the most dramatic phone call of my life from him.  He is on about how I'll never see him again and he's going off to war and he loves and misses me.  It was insane. I find the girl and get a few kisses out of her.  She goes home with her friends though and I am left stranded hours from my apartment. 

I have missed the last train based on false intel from YumYum! I end up waiting almost an hour for a bus to my house and of course some dude starts talking to me at the bus stop.  He gives me a flyer to LOOK AT and then takes it back.  I really wanted to throw it away and he stole that right from me!!!

I gotta say it's impressive how people can start a conversation with someone on the street and end by asking for spare change.  My 2nd time in a week at a bus stop.   I'm sure you remember the guy last week who threatened to knife me and then asked for change. 

People are pretty drawn to my awesome. I have a date with the black girl later today.  She might cancel as I just posted my facebook pics from the festivities….Or maybe she will be glad that she was the last girl I kissed on my bender.  Also, my tongue was super sore from a full day!

Related posts:

1. Dating a German
2. Global Gathering – My Experience
3. Where I belong

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

So last night I thought I had students, but they had to bump to next week at the last minute.  So I ended up going out to see Mr M for his final night with the Rockstars.  We were out with Bugsy Malone and Freedom of Speech as well.  They guys took me out to Chinawhite and got a table and everything.  It was really quality.

I got absolutely smashed and met some super hot girls.  There were two really stunning girls who were eyefucking me up all night.  In the end I chatted to each of them.  They were rejecting guys left and right but just loving me.  I was just feeling so electric.  It was just great to be out with the boys and going insane.  By the end of the night both girls told me I was amazing and that they had boyfriends.

Man that is the most boring speech ever.

Then somehow me and Freedom ran away from everyone at Subway and went to the Egg, where they said they didn't like our clothes and wouldn't let us in.  All I know is that when I'm in my 50s I don't wanna be running the face-policy at the dirtiest hole in London.  So I still win.

At the  bus stop alone at 5am some drunk dude starts yelling at me and threatening to stab me in the face.  What is with old people tonight?  I just pretty much ignore the dude but he just keeps yelling.  And then asking for cigarettes or spare change.  Finally my bus pulls up and I just walk away from him.

As I get on the bus I tell one of the people who watched all this and chose not to get involved that it was all her fault.  Ahaha.

Made it home around 6 and I poured myself into bed.

I will try and get my hands on the photos from tonight as soon as I can.  Can't wait til my big party next Saturday.  Debauchery here I come!!!

Related posts:

1. The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party
2. The End of Tunisian Love
3. The Next Level

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Saturday I finished my dissertation while October slept. I actually slept really good on his couch. Go figure. I mean I honestly had a pretty good time last night and some of that stuff was really funny. Obviously I would have preferred to get my dick wet, but I am all about enjoying the journey.

We spend the day lying on the couch watching comedy central. I forgot what its like to have cable. It was so nice to just do nothing. I am texting this girl back and forth and deciding about coming back to London to see her. In the end I am seeing her Sunday night so I get one more night in Cambridge.

We drink these homemade concoctions of October's. I rate the guy in a lot of ways but if he offers you a drink, you should say no. I swear I thought he'd poisoned me. On the walk to the clubs I realize I have 13 different kinds of alcohol in my stomach. It was roiling. How often do I get to use that word? October didn't believe me that it was a real word.

We get to the bar and the lair dudes are there and there is actually one girl with them. She seemed nice enough. Didn't really get to talk to her though. Stuff started happening hard and fast. This one dude tells us how there are 2 crazy chicks, one hot and one not so much there. Then the not cute one rolls up to talk to him. We start chatting I mean whatever I wanna get my jaw moving.

She was so huge it was unbelievable.  But we are yapping.  October is just leaning against the rail being silent and smooth.  Either that or the poison he drank with me is acting up in his stomach too.  Three cuties stand next to the big girl and she starts saying how she has the same top as one of them.  The girl probably weights 90 pounds.  And their outfits look nothing alike.  I see this as an easy way to upgrade my set.  So I keep saying what are you talking about and then she says something to the girl.  She turns back and tells me she is bored of me and October.  She is going to find more interesting people to talk to.

I jump at the three new girls.  I start talking to the cute, small one.  Tell her what the crazy big girl was on about.  She was freaked out at first when some fat girl started pointing at her.  We chill in this set for a bit and I find out the girl is a rugby player.  A wing.  Whatever that means.  All I know is I think it's sexy as hell.  We chat to these girls for a while, but I think Oc drifts off.  They tell us to meet them at some club later.  They might have even invited us along, but we we are hoping to stay in this bar til closing.  Just keep it simple.

We go back inside and see a ton of cute ladies.  We decide to do our old trick and start throwing up shapes all over the bar.  Put out a little bait and the girls in this town open us like crazy.  Girls are taking pictures of each other.  October jumps into the back of one and then a few minutes later one of the girls wants a pic with us on either side.  She has the right idea.  We would never force a girl to choose between us.  We know how to share.

We bounce around the bar a bit.  Neither one of us can get a set open.  Again.  It's so weird.  Fortunately girls keep opening us.  The bar runs out of girls.  They all seem to hit this bar and then go to clubs.  So we head off in search of another club.  The lair is going to one place.  We peel off.  Sometimes a 2man strike team is ideal.

We pass Vodka Revolution.  It's full of girls.  We gotta pay a few coins to get in but fuck it.  We wanna have fun.  We get inside and I realize that none of the girls are that cute.  We end up outside having a smoke.  I try to open a few girls by sitting next to them, but we get zero love.  I can't get more than a grunt out of girls here.  Two girls on the other side start pointing at Oc.  I engage them and find out they are talking about girl medical issues….I accelerate and get one sitting next to me.  She looks like a bird.  Chat chat chat.

They invite us to come dance with them.  We say we'll be inside in a bit.  We bounce around and can't get any sets opened.  Then these two girls come outside for a smoke.  I get Oc to ask them for a light.  No one is responding to me.  He almost gets them to come over and give us one.  We start talking to them.  Holy crap one of them is so beautiful.  He nickname is Kate Moss and I can see why.  The other girl tells me about her dragon tattoo right above her vagine.  Talk about a dream set.  One beautiful and one kinky.

We chat to them for a long time.  There is a third one that Oc is keeping busy.  It's a true shame.  One extra.  I am chatting to these two for a while.  They are so cute.  We have some really good dialog and they invite us into dance.  We say we'll be inside in a bit and develop a game plan.  It's really smooth.  We both are worried that we will have a repeat of last night, as soon as we walk up the girls will walk away.  Or run away.

We go inside and drop some shapes near the edge of the dance floor.  Two girls are grinding on each other near us trying to get a ton of attention.  One even grabs my tie.  We don't even bother reacting.  I just can't be drawn into their game.  Plus the last two girls were so much cuter.  We just can't find our girls on the dancefloor.  Finally we decide to go searching.

We find them near the back.  They are super cool and love our shapes.  We all get some drinks and chat etc.  It's all really cool.  At one point the two cuties wanna go smoke and me and Oc are about to go with them.  The 3rd girl says something really amazing that made us stop in our tracks.  "I know I'm not as cute as my friends but please stay with me."  She didn't wanna stay watching the drinks all alone.

I really respect when people are real.  So we danced and chilled with her etc.  It was cool.  The other girls back and we keep on having a good time.  Somehow October and I really can't tell what's going on.  We keep on dancing and just having a cool time.  I facebook close the beautiful one.  Me and Oc go outside for a smoke and we end up next to a ton of people having a fight.  We have to wait ages to get outside.  Then a huge swarm of people are fighting in the street.

A girl comes over to talk to the two of us and stay away from the fight.  One of her friends is really cute.  So we are trying to get them all to join us.  The cops roll up and it's a whole situation.  The club closes.  We manage to get back in to look for the girls.  We run into them at the top of the stairs and we all decide to hit another club.

October gets us into one where he used to work and the girls are super impressed.  It's just a cool night.  More dancing etc.  More stuff happened but I'm tired of typing.  He got the dragon vagina girl's number and then eventually they jump in a taxi.  I think we should have tried to get them to October's house but we didn't try enough maybe.  Hard to be sure.  There was just one extra girl and there were zero sexual vibes.

Hopefully we will connect with these girls again.  I'm hoping the beautiful girl comes down to London to party soon.  Either way it was really amazing.  I am definitely going to spend some more time in Cambridge.

Related posts:

1. My Weekend with October in Cambridge – Part 1
2. Sweden with Soul and Beeballer – Night 3
3. A Night with October

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I was sitting at home after my night in the brothel and hitting Movida with gsand. I was thinking about how sick I am of finishing my bastard dissertation and I was like fuck it. So I called October and was like I'm thinking of coming to Cambridge to see whats up. 2 hours later I was on the train with my little eee pc. I worked on my diss like crazy.

We chilled at his house for like 2 hours or something then headed into town. I ended up meeting the whole Cambridge lair. It was like I have heard about other lairs. The guys stood in a circle all night without doing any sets. At one point I did get a guy to open a set. He ended up pointing at me at some point, which I saw coming. I came over and instantly the friend liked me. I don't know what that dude said but her friend suddenly was like we have to leave NOW.

But that was later in the night. At first I was just standing in a circle with these dudes. They were like ok guys I guess. Only one guy all night asked me a question. I was really surprised. I mean considering people pay me good money for instruction in London I thought these dudes would take advantage of my knowledge or at least ask me about meeting Sinn or something. But nope. I dunno I doubt it's that I'm intimidating.

After a bit I grabbed October to hit the bar. I was like bro we gotta get opening. First thing I learned in Cambridge. I cannot open in this town. My normal openers were bouncing off concrete. It was really weird. I have a lot more respect for October's success now. This is honestly a tough town to game in. the thing is, I think a lot of guys use that as an excuse. I was like dudes I just gotta figure this place out and adapt.

The students are still out of town so it was seriously chavvy. And you know I like chav girls. The thing is they have so much attitude. Its always opposite date with them. Like the prefer a poor angry dude to a rich smooth guy. It's just about adaptation though. Not complaining. As you will see when we get to night two.

To get pumped October and I started throwing some serious shapes near the front door of the bar. We do it about ten minutes and bounce around the bar. No sets are sticking and then at one point this girl eye fucks the shit out of me. She actually stops October. To be honest I assumed she was eyefucking him. He was close enough that I couldn't be sure and I just assume he's cuter than me. These two girls loved our shapes.

So we sit down and start talking to them. I spend about an hour in set I think. Chatting about this and that. The girls are really interesting and tell us how we dont fit in this bar. We seem to emo. That's what happens when I borrow October's hair products!! his girl was not nearly as cute as mine. But he put in some serious effort. I gotta say that October is def one of the best wings in the UK. Maybe the world.

I take my girl to the bar to get the next round of drinks. It takes ages. I open this really cute chav girl behind me and it bounces off. She is actually aggressive with me. Chav girls just don't see reality the same way. So I am back chatting to my girl. She is cute but not amazing to be totally honest. Rather than meander with longass details, we chatted to them, facebook close, number close and then eventually split up with the possibility of seeing them in a club later.

We run back into the lair guys. They still aren't talking to girls. I think the element that is missing is that they don't push each other. That's what wings really have to do. It's more important to me to push October into set. Because then he will push me. We had a good rhythm of alternating going though.

Oh shit. I forgot my first set. I see 2 girls. Both wretched and I'm like Oc lets warm up on them. They have 2 wine bottles and 2 giant vodkas. Turns out they were more beautiful on the outside than on the inside. The super fat one says 'make yourself useful!' and has me carry one of her bottles to another table for her. I did it because I wanted to write about it here. It was so funny. It just shows if you believe hard enough anything is possible. Normally I would have never talked to a girl so gross and I would have just walked away from someone who tries to get me to carry her shit like a monkey. But I really wanted to see how it would play out.

Ok back to the present. October and I are upstairs. We see two girls that I can only describe as insanely beautiful. We are bitching about who is going to open. And the girls come over to bum a cigarette. I'm like thank you god!!!

I talk to my girl for 30 minutes. She is super close ot my face. She is so beautiful. I def snapped a pic together later. The set went super well and me and oc both thought it was on. The girls invite us to see them later at a different club and we are like maybe.

We walk around the club and all the girls are gone. So we decide to try some other clubs. We hit three different clubs and get into 2 of them for free somehow. I was wearing trainers but somehow I got away with it. Wicked.

In one club we see the really cute girls. They see us walk by and run over to say hi. It seems so on. We go grab a coupla drinks and walk over to them. Suddenly something is off. We have no idea what. The girls just don't talk to us and walk right out of the club. We have no idea what the fuck just happened.

I still have no idea. I had a number of one girl from the group and a facebook of the girl I really liked. Needless to say my text the next day got no love. And no facebook add either. But seriously. Normally when I fuck up I have a clue. But me and October still dont know.

So we hit another club because there are no girls in this one. We see the first set of the night. The two girls who stopped us because they loved our shapes. They see us and actually leave the club too. What the shit?

We are beyond baffled. Our stock suddenly crashed. So we keep on trying with new girls. At one point October is outside and talking to these two girls. I walk up and they instantly run away. I was like damn dude. Maybe it's me?

We still aren't sure. Actually maybe he is at home right now flaming me on his blog. Haha. On the way home we realize that we didn't successfully open a single set all night. Our sets all opened us. Even the two girls that ran away from me had come up to him to bum a cigarette.

I nearly head back to London for a date with a new girl, but move it to Sunday. We decide to come out in our dress up duds instead of our cool guy outfits. Aka button down shirt and tie for me and vest for him (American vest, can't remember the stupid uk word right now). Lets just say we had a much better night Saturday.

Related posts:

1. My Weekend with October in Cambridge – Part Two
2. A Night with October
3. The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

A few weeks ago I was covering for another teacher at this uni I have been teaching at. I did a 1on1 4 hour English lesson with this super rich Kazakhstani dude. We were chilling. Basically unlike most douche bag English teachers I can talk to rich people about normal things like badass high end clubs and beautiful women. So we connected and I almost got him to buy a table at Jalouse through my homey. I gave him my connections number there and thought I would never see the dude again

last week I got asked to cover all 3 days with the dude. Of course! It was badass. He realized that the uni is crap and that an mba from there won't actually help him, so all week we just chilled. He took me out to lunch all three days, gave me a carton of parliament ciggies, invited me to visit his homeland to hunt wolves and asked me to come to a high end brothel with him.

This last one really freaked me out at first. I was like isn't this a moral decision? I guess only if people find out. I gave him a tentative yes, but then I texted like 5 of my friends. They all offered to go in my place. So then I talked to my house mate. I figured if anyone would talk me out of it, it would be him. He was like go for it. It seems like a badass experience.

So we meet and jump in a taxi right at 7. we saw from the website that this is when all the girls start their shifts. He originally wanted to go right after out lesson at 2, but then there would only have been 2 girls there. A big part of me was nervous about him paying etc. but I just put that to the back of my mind and did something I normally would never do.

We get there and have to pay this creepy dude 20 pounds each to go inside. There is a locker room, steam room, showers and a sauna. Hence the fact that the sign calls it a sauna. We have to go into the locker room and change into towels. It's obvious we have never been there before as we keep getting lost. Then we don't know if we keep our boxers under our towels.

Finally I am like fuck it let's do this and I just skin up. He does the same. We go into the lounge. By lounge I mean room with 18 pros staring at us. We are nervous as shit. I don't know why he is bc he has been to dozens of these before. So he tells the girls that I have low self confidence. It's kinda funny. I gauge the reactions of the girls to see which ones I'm afraid of. Haha

it takes us about 10 minutes to choose the ones we like. Basically only a few of the girls were actually cute in my opinion. I got this blond girl who looked Russian. She was really stunning but actually Spanish. His girl was Brazilian. This meant they could talk shop in Spanish. Fair enough.

We go up to the vip room and man it was one small vip room. We could never be more than 10 feet apart. He of course pays for everything up front, including an hour with the girls. The total cost from walking us both in to partying for an hour was 690 pounds. He just paid cash. I think he was really intent on impressing me. I think there is something cool about taking your English teacher to a hor house. I certainly wasn't complaining.

It took a few minutes to get going, but then it was on. She just threw a condom on me and started blowing. I'm sitting in a chair next to my boss getting the same action. It was so cool. After all of my previous group sex experiences, close proximity to another dude fucking doesn't affect me. They moved to the bed while I got a badass bj. It actually wasn't the best of my life, the mouse was still better. Maybe I should tell her?

This girl was definitely the hottest girl I've ever played with. She had beautiful natural breasts and just everything was smooth and nice. After a bit we joined the other two on the bed and started fucking. We did a good set of positions. My boss finished after about 20 minutes. I was like dude? We are on the clock!

I smashed my girl for a good 30 minutes and then gave her a 5 minute break. The other girl was like dude wtf are you doing you're going to break her! And my boss was like fuck! My girl was like I can handle it ok! Aahahah. The best part was a bigass mirror right in front of the bed so I could see myself smashing this girl. I could really see how much better shape I am in. I still got 5 more kg to go, but that is another blog post. Hehe.

After a little break we got back too it. Soon she was covered in my sweat and body hair. I shed like a damn golden retriever. Oh well. She did make me do about 90% of the work and every time I slowed down she was like come on baby you're not tired are you??? she got on top once per session for like 2 minutes. I mean I know she probably had 10 more dudes to go that night, but seriously.

At one point she did say something telling. She said that it's really hard for girls in her profession to ever find guys. They just have no ability to trust men anymore. I think this has a lot to do with my boss being married with 3 kids and not so much about me. But I think it's reasonable. With what I have seen of women in the last 2 years a lot of my beliefs have been shattered.

So I slammed this girl for the full 60 minutes. She kept saying how bad she wanted me to come. I wonder if she gets in trouble if I dont. I almost got that impression. So finally I came at the last possible moment. It was awesome. She was like wtf? That's not very much milk for so much work! I was like I'm not a cow! She loved it and laughed and repeated it.

I think that was the one moment where she actually thought something was funny. Like the real her happened, but only for like 5 seconds. I am not stupid enough to think that we had a real connection. I have read about a lot of guys paying pros and then trying to game them. The only way to make a girl on the game like you more is to pay her more money.

Overall my experience was awesome. I felt so relaxed. It was really nice to have sex without a load of bullshit. If I was rich I would definitely have a new vice. I mean amazing sex with a beautiful woman and she doesn't give you shit afterward. After all the shit I have been dealing with lately with other girls in my life, it was just so refreshing.

I felt so relaxed afterward and I ran some supertight sets as well. Both sets are still texting me and I have a date with one tonight. I never thought I would pay for it, but this year I had been considering it. Just as an experience, so when it came my way I did it.

I just spent a weekend with my man October, and with how much fun that was I realized I fucking love real girls and pros aren't a replacement.

Related posts:

1. A Devil in the Garden
2. The Mad Hatter’s Tea Party
3. A Night with Switch

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.