We have all been there. We finally go in for the kiss and it all goes wrong. It’s time to point out the really bad types of kissers out there! These are all things I have personally experienced, so I KNOW they are out there.
1. The giant mouth - This is the person who opens their mouth as wide as possible, often absorbing your chin or nose. Your face gets slimed. And they don’t even realize they are doing it.
2. The tiny mouth – This person barely opens their mouth. They make you feel like a giant mouth. No matter what you do you can’t get your tongue past those gates. Then they ask you why you don’t french kiss more. Trying to slip your tongue in is like trying to clear a drain.
3. The biter - I feel like this one explains itself. They get scared or nervous and bite you. Right on the lip. Some girls even bite on purpose because they’ve seen it in a movie. But when it’s a proper bite, it hurts!
4. All teeth – I never thought this could possibly exist until I met a woman who did it. She would pull back her lips like a horse and meet my lips with her teeth. It was like kissing mister Ed. It was unfixable.
5. The Assault – This person sends in their tongue like a special forces strike team. The shove it in deep and wild, the moment your lips touch. They show no mercy as their assault on your tongue. It’s rough and brutal.
6. The Hoover -They form a seal as fast as possible and just suck your tongue into their mouth. It hurts and makes it hard to breathe. If the girl is strong enough, she can really stop your breathing.
7. The Blocker - She shoves her tongue into your throat. And holds it there. She understands the concept of french kissing, but not the application.
8. Lost in the Woods – This is a girl who can’t tell a nose from a mouth and just gets your nose into her mouth and starts slurping away.
9. The Lip Sucker – (This happened to Tynan) The girl immediately sucked his lower lip into her mouth and sucked on it so hard it really hurt. The next day his lip was three times normal size.
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