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We have all been there. One minute everything was perfect, the next your life was shambles. She's gone and you have no idea why. Now you are missing work, sitting on the floor unwashed and listening to radiohead for days at a time.
Now that you’ve broken through the self-pity phase, it is time to analyze what went wrong. The first thing you should realize is that you were missing signs all along the way. Most of us do it. Small things happen and we just ignore them or rationalize them away. She’s late all the time because of traffic or problems at work. She isn’t in the mood as much anymore, but that happens in all relationships. She seems distracted, it must be her time of the month. And a million others.
Most relationships fail because of problems in the foundation. I cover all the aspects of the foundation for a good relationship in my ebook and other articles so I won’t rehash that here, but it’s important to realize that it is much easier to start with a healthy relationship than to try and heal a broken one. There are three elements that must remain in a relationship’s foundation.
1. Trust. There is nothing more important than trust in a relationship. Once you lose a small amount, the cracks start spreading. First you wonder if she really was out with her friends last Friday. Then you start to wonder if she was actually at gangbang. We all do it. Take a small lack of trust and grow it into a mountain of accusation. There is no cure for lack of trust. Even if a person promises they aren’t lying….that promise might itself be a lie. It’s just as bad if she can’t trust you. A lot of guys like to cheat, but hate to be cheated on. If you’re cheating in a relationship, then the relationship will always be flawed. It’s only a matter of time. You don’t have the relationship you wish you had and she isn’t in the relationship she thinks she is. you are both disappointed.
2. Passion. There are many layers to the concept of passion. The first layer is that you must have a passion in your life. As a man you need to provide the magnetism. You can argue that the man working is an archaic concept, but this is something deeper. You need to have something in your life that excites you enough to draw her in. She wants to be a part of your passion. I always show my articles and books to the woman in my life. I want her to be the first one to read and share in my excitement. This translates into physical passion, which we all want more of.
3. Self-Confidenc. Just as much as you need to trust your woman, you need to trust yourself. A lot of guys are with women that they think are out of their league. This leads them to sublty subcommunicate a constant stream of negative thoughts. It will be hard to trust her, when you think she can do better. You need to have a rock solid belief in yourself. If you don’t, read some of my articles on Inner Game. This is the battle we fight in our minds. A woman needs a rock in her life. You deserve her. Believe it.
These are three core issues of a relationship. There are other surface problems as well. But if you look deeply enough, it is usually one of these pieces that was missing in your relationship. Now you need to work on fixing yourself in these three areas. You can’t look for a woman to fix what’s wrong with you. That will only lead to more trouble. Realize that you are an awesome guy and work towards constantly improving yourself.
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