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Before I get to my massive post about my sexings last night, I wanna talk about this book. I just finished reading it. Took me 2ish week I think. At some points I just had to stop as the book is so dark. Makes Fight Club seem like a really nice hug. The premise of the book is actually really good and I have started to incorporate it into my life. A lot of it is about having a responsiblity filter. For example, you let an outside force make your desicions for you. You somehow feel more free doing what you really wanted to do, just because you don’t take full responsibility for the action. This guy rolls a die (or two dice) to make every decision in his life. Now he takes it to extremes by putting in options ranging from leaving his wife to murder to suicide etc. If done in a healthy context I think dice games can be very powerful.
I have experimented with the dice a little bit this month, by playing with Freedom. We let it choose which girl I should escalate on a night out once. Nothing major, but it picked the girl I wouldn’t have. I followed the path with no regrets so far! It’s really exciting and dangerous and amazing. I may do two dice weeks later this year after I finish my MA.
The one thing I have done is expand my concept of the appropriate. Yesterday on the train to see my new lover I wanted to change into my cuter outfit. But I was on a crowded bus and I was really uncomfortable. I made a lot of excuses and then I realized that I need to do more things that terrify me. That is my theme for this year. So I stood up and in a crowded train took off one shirt and put on another. For some people this is nothig, but really it’s socially unconventional at the least. I felt electric afterwards.
Also, even getting on a train to see a girl I’ve never been on a date with is WAYyyyyy outside my normal comfort zone. So a part of me was terrified. I keep having a fear of going on trips and the people I’m meeting simply not being there. I realize that it’s unlikely, but I need to keep going on trips like this til i defeat this fear. dice
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